Creative juices

Geez, I think I watch too much HGTV for my own good.

I am not talented in any true artistic fashion...I cannot draw much more than a straight line and have no ability to hammer, build, sew, etc. Some people have legitimate artistic abilities innate to who they are. And then there is me, who has no particular ability but is willing to try anything that involves paint and walls at least once.

So awhile back I had decided to do an underwater theme in N's bathroom, figuring this would be a good gender-neutral theme should another baby enter the picture. It is finally finished and although it looks definitely unprofessional and "homemade," I am proud of it nonetheless. N will look back on pictures of things I did in her rooms and think, "Well, she wasn't talented, but she certainly tried stuff and had a good time doing it." She will also recognize that her mother was extraordinarily cheap.

Now I love the look of professionally decorated anything. It is put-together and seemingly perfect. However, I am far, far, far too cheap to actually do anything super nice like this. Plus, I like for things in my home to mean something, not be an accessory someone else picked out for me. I wonder sometimes if I would be any different if money were no object.

Of course, I feel the inside of my home is pretty much like how I am on the outside of my person, and I am certainly not a put-together kind of person. I am a go to the grocery in the same outfit I've been wearing for 4 days already because it doesn't smell yet person. I am a so what if I painted a chair with this outfit earlier today...it is good enough to go out to dinner in person.

In addition, I experience 2 feelings upon looking at anything nice and even remotely "expensive" for myself or my home: guilt and a massive headache of practicality. The guilt always says, "You don't really need that. Think of all the people in the world who live far, far below your means and have nothing. Save the environment. Don't buy it." The headache part always reminds me of how quickly I get bored with things, and if I only spend a little money on them, I won't feel guilty (so much) if I don't spend a whole lot.

That is alot of internalized voices to take shopping, so I just usually find something I like for cheap and get the hell out of the store.

Anyway, tomorrow I am starting work on a princess mural in N's room. You can purchase paint-by-number murals, but after looking at some pics, I think I can do it without the kit (and avoid spending the $40).