Synopsis

Here are highlights from the past week or so:

Thursday---visited doctor and drug D with me because of my fear of not hearing a heartbeat. We did indeed hear a heartbeat and will have an u/s in 6 weeks. Even though I felt so much better after that Doppler magnified the "swoosh-swoosh" sound, I still fret. I guess no amount of drugs or therapy is going to change the basis genetic substance of my nature...which is to be anxious. So until this kid pops out of me I will worry. And then after this kid pops out I will worry even more but about different things.

Saturday--- took N to an Easter event at a local Christian church. She enjoyed herself. They had chapel and sang songs about Jesus (which was a little weird for me having been brought up Catholic--I'll explain more about this later***). N just sat on my lap listening and watching--she wouldn't move from me. Then at the end, the youth minister gals invited all the kids up on stage, and my daughter, of all people, hightailed it up there. I said, "Now N, mommy can't go with you." She replied, "I'll do it myself," and walked up there like it was no big deal. She didn't sing or sway or clap or anything...just stared out at the audience. She baffles me.

Sunday--- D, N and I went to see the Doodlebops in concert. What can I say about a Doodlebop concert? I guess it was ok as far as children's concerts go. I was a children's concert virgin prior to this, so I have no other experiences with which to compare it. Suffice it to say, unless N expressly asks to go see someone (like after having seen a commercial or something), I don't imagine we'll be going to another.

N is such an observing child...which is very different from how I am. I tend to want to just get in and do something. If the instructions are clear or I can read them, just let me have at it. I guess I learn by doing. N prefers to sit back, watch, listen, and then after an extremely long period of time in which it takes her to get comfortable, become actively engaged. This is how she was at the concert---just taking it all in. Not really giving up too much enthusiasm (as I would). Sometimes it is hard for me to know whether she is actually enjoying something because she is so reserved. I told D there is no doubt whatsoever that she is his child because he is the exact same way.

***About the Easter service:

This was my first attendance at any kind of religious event that was not Catholic so I didn't know what to expect other than that it would be like a Catholic service. Mind you, it has been many years since I attended any kind of Catholic service, so things may very well be totally different. However, I was a practicing Catholic for like 26 years and things never changed that much so I don't suspect there has been a major reformation that I've missed.

Anyway, the thing about Catholics is (or at least the Catholics I know) that we aren't really open about how we feel about God or Jesus. It is a very monotone, subtle experience. There is no saying, "I love Jesus" or "Jesus is my hero." Usually this type of thing is said about beer or bingo. I guess the feelings about religion are kept hidden, internal, whereas it seemed to me at the Christian service that they are more expressive about their feelings and beliefs. So it was just odd. I wish N could express better what she thought or if she was confused. She kept talking about Baby Jesus, and I had to keep reminding her they were telling the story of Grown-Up Jesus.

That's all I got.