Creeping anxiety

Correction: In the post titled "Most Leadership," I noted that only illness or death are good enough reasons, in my humble opinion, to back out of something to which you have committed yourself. Let me add moving hundreds or thousands of miles away to this list. G, you know I adore you and hold your dear husband solely responsible for taking you away from me. :)

Ok, so here is the anxiety of the day. I am fretting over not feeling very pregnant anymore. My belly is still pooching, my boobs are still veiny and big, and I still have occasional bouts of nausea, but perhaps because I am not heaving over the slightest smells and on the couch non-stop, I wonder if I am really still pregnant.

The only thing I distinctly remember about N's pregnancy is feeling her kick when I was 21 weeks. I was sitting at my desk at school typing and felt her sock it to me...one of those kicks that rattled the outside of my stomach skin. In her baby book I wrote down that I felt the butterflies at 14 weeks, but I don't know how often that happened or how movement changed in the following 6 weeks.

I'm not losing sleep over this (yet), but that little nagging voice is there. Oh, to be oblivious to everything.

My friend K and I used to have conversations about whether we'd prefer to be dumb and oblivious or as we are (intelligent and fretful). We always chose the way we are, but I sometimes have my doubts. Yes, folks in the former category make stupid, stupid, stupid choices a lot of the time, but frequent repeat stupid choices sort of implies one is oblivious to the fact that one is making stupid choices.

I know if I was able to trade psyches with someone else I would likely find my own to be far more "normal" and "stable" than I give it credit for being, but I just hate when an ugly anxiety creeps up sneakily and whispers.