So awhile back I blogged about my freelancing job, which I am now calling a job because it has become pretty darn regular. And that's a good thing.
I have a regular column that I write in TF, plus when my editors like my pitches, I often have an additional article to write.
Last week, I got an email from the editor from another of these local magazines (there are 3 within the same publishing family) who asked if I could write an article for TW . The deadline was tight--8 days--but I did it.
Yesterday I received an email from this same editor who asked if I would like to become a regular writer for the 3rd magazine, TT.
And while my ego went, "YAHOO! I am AWESOME!," my heart and the intuitive pit in my stomach went, "Ugh."
Between my twice a week exercise class, my regular freelancing work for TF, my position on the neighborhood board, volunteer work I do at N's school, piano lessons and now official Girl Scout troop leader, my months and weeks are plum full. Plus, I have the boy' playgroups and all that regular ole junk associated with being a mom....like laundry and mopping and vacuuming.
I gave up going to monthly bunco and I gave up going out to dinner with a small group of friends who used to be in my MOMS Club group, which I was doing every other month. G graduating from speech has freed up our Friday mornings. But I am still very busy.
One of the best parts of being a stay-at-home mom, besides the awesomely comfortable uniform of jeans/sweats/yoga pants, is that I am in charge of the schedule. I am my own boss. If I don't feel like doing laundry today, I don't do it. If I don't feel like sweeping, I don't. Unless it is a doctor's appointment, if we decide we don't want to do it, we don't do it.
Committing to another writing job would ramp up my stress level and make me feel like I was edging further into the realm of things I have to do. A nagging voice in my head kept saying things like, "This opportunity may not come around again," and "They are gonna think you aren't committed or a team-player."
I had to remind this naggy voice that I made the decision almost 8 years ago to be a stay-at-home mom, and I am committed still to this decision. I had to remind the voice that the opportunity to be at home while my children are young will not come around again ever. It truly is now or never for this.
I feel guilty enough about how little face-time I seem to give my boys when compared with their sister. And this guilt would be worse if I committed to another writing job.
I really have to hand it to women who work full-time outside the home and manage as much as they do, especially when their kids are very young. I just don't have it in me. I sometimes feel that maybe this makes me weak and makes other moms who make different choices strong.
If it is weakness, I feel strong in the knowledge that I know what I can and cannot handle and act on this information accordingly.
I have a regular column that I write in TF, plus when my editors like my pitches, I often have an additional article to write.
Last week, I got an email from the editor from another of these local magazines (there are 3 within the same publishing family) who asked if I could write an article for TW . The deadline was tight--8 days--but I did it.
Yesterday I received an email from this same editor who asked if I would like to become a regular writer for the 3rd magazine, TT.
And while my ego went, "YAHOO! I am AWESOME!," my heart and the intuitive pit in my stomach went, "Ugh."
Between my twice a week exercise class, my regular freelancing work for TF, my position on the neighborhood board, volunteer work I do at N's school, piano lessons and now official Girl Scout troop leader, my months and weeks are plum full. Plus, I have the boy' playgroups and all that regular ole junk associated with being a mom....like laundry and mopping and vacuuming.
I gave up going to monthly bunco and I gave up going out to dinner with a small group of friends who used to be in my MOMS Club group, which I was doing every other month. G graduating from speech has freed up our Friday mornings. But I am still very busy.
One of the best parts of being a stay-at-home mom, besides the awesomely comfortable uniform of jeans/sweats/yoga pants, is that I am in charge of the schedule. I am my own boss. If I don't feel like doing laundry today, I don't do it. If I don't feel like sweeping, I don't. Unless it is a doctor's appointment, if we decide we don't want to do it, we don't do it.
Committing to another writing job would ramp up my stress level and make me feel like I was edging further into the realm of things I have to do. A nagging voice in my head kept saying things like, "This opportunity may not come around again," and "They are gonna think you aren't committed or a team-player."
I had to remind this naggy voice that I made the decision almost 8 years ago to be a stay-at-home mom, and I am committed still to this decision. I had to remind the voice that the opportunity to be at home while my children are young will not come around again ever. It truly is now or never for this.
I feel guilty enough about how little face-time I seem to give my boys when compared with their sister. And this guilt would be worse if I committed to another writing job.
I really have to hand it to women who work full-time outside the home and manage as much as they do, especially when their kids are very young. I just don't have it in me. I sometimes feel that maybe this makes me weak and makes other moms who make different choices strong.
If it is weakness, I feel strong in the knowledge that I know what I can and cannot handle and act on this information accordingly.
3 comments:
I might say that you're stronger than I am -- I don't know that I could stay home all day with two little boys and have us all come out of the day intact. I'm back to work largely because I have to be, and I miss my baby during the day, but even if I would have chosen to stay home for a bit longer than I did, I still would have chosen to go back to work after a year.
It's all different kinds of stress -- it just depends on which kind you can live with.
It's always good to know one's limits, and I think you're right - it's the making of hard choices that makes us strong, not necessarily the level of stress that one is able to endure.
I find it interesting that you feel guilty for the lack of face time that you give your boys, but you also "hand it" to moms who work full-time (who, presumably, give much less face time to their own kids). Not trying to start a fight here, just something I noted as I read your post.
I think you'd be surprised at how many working moms only *appear* to be handling all of the stress, but who are actually suffering on some level because of all that they're trying to do. I know many, many working moms who are hanging on by a thread, and whose households are in relative chaos because no one is there to actually manage it. And Dion has had a surprising number of conversations with male co-workers who don't like their wives working because of the stress it puts on the family as a whole.
Obviously, it all depends on the individual situation, but in my humble opinion, I think you're spot-on by saying that this time when your kids are young is "now or never" - it's a crucial time not only for parents to soak up, but for the social and emotional growth of the child. As you know, I'm firmly in the camp that believe that a loving parent is the best caregiver a child can have during babyhood and early childhood.
Alas, the world isn't an ideal place, for children OR adults, and we all have to make our own choices.
Btw, congrats on your success in the freelance world -- I know that feels great!
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