Saturday, May 28, 2011


I am very good at making arbitrary "rules" for my life.  Then when I make decisions that do not adhere to these arbitrary rules I get all stressed and anxious until I figure out that the "rule" was a.) made by me and b.) able to be changed, and if it is changed then c.) that is perfectly ok.

In our relationship, D makes the money and I allocate the money towards savings, investing, bill paying, whatever.  I generally run things by him, but he doesn't much care.  Even though he sometimes gives me shit that we don't buy enough, I think he also is glad that we won't have oodles of debt and have accumulated a pretty nice chunk of wealth in 13 years of marriage.

When I created some of our saving accounts, I arbitrarily decided that we would go on a big vacation every other year.  On the off years, we would just do a small day trip or perhaps a 2-night overnighter.  I also decided that we would alternate years with making home improvements.  For example, in a year that we did a big home improvement, it would be our "off" year for vacations.  That way, we have 2 years worth of saving for big vacations and/or big home improvements.

Now, we decided this spring to have a roof built over our deck since we had some water come in through the door that leads to kitchen from the deck (and this door is also rotting from the bottom up just as the first one did).  This is a fairly expensive project, but we've got a CD coming due and don't have to take out a loan to have the work done.

So what is the problem?

Doing this big home improvement project and going to Disney World violates the "every other year" arbitrary rule about vacations and home improvement.

It means that we are spending a lot of money all at once which is causing me considerable anxiety.  (Throw N's tonsillectomy in there and I am this close to having a panic attack.)

Even though we have the money to pay for this stuff and do not have to go into debt to do any of it, I am still freaking out.  Waiting for the roof to blow off.  Or for one of our cars to be wrecked.  Or for some unexpected and INSANELY EXPENSIVE thing to occur.

While I am excited about everything that is going on, I am also more than a little worked up about everything that is going on.

It is hard to be on a mountain and in a valley at the same time, but that is certainly what it feels like to me.

No comments: