On Nov 1, D and I will celebrate 13 years of wedded togetherness. I would be insane to call it bliss. Not that our marriage isn't good. But bliss simply has never registered with me.
Neither has the idea of soulmates. Maybe I have read too many interviews with celebrities like Melanie Griffith who have had numerous marriages to their soulmates? Maybe she and others use the term more loosely than I do?
Yesterday I checked out People.com to read about the separations of the Cox/Arquette and Aquilera/Bratman duos. I'm not surprised, nor am I upset. I don't know what I would call that sinking feeling upon hearing that any married couple is splitting up, either temporarily or forever. Disappointment?
It's like what I feel whenever I hear of a child who has been diagnosed with cancer. The thought crosses my mind, "That could happen to MY child!" Not that I necessarily think it will, but it could. It is within the realm of possibility. And that is scary, even if it is unlikely.
I am proud that D and I have made it almost 13 years. Because 13 is really close to 15, which sounds like a lot. And 15 years is very close to 20, which sounds like a lifetime. And it is.
So what have I learned about marriage in 15 years?
I've learned that if you think there is something better out there, you're probably right. At least momentarily. I've had my share of Daddy crushes, but it doesn't take too long for me to realize that my crushes have some really annoying habits. Like being Republican. Or sleeping around on their partners. Or watching ESPN constantly. Or being overly gregarious (which would interfere with me be gregarious).
And so it doesn't take very long for me to be extremely thankful that I am married to D.
I've also learned that the sucky times do pass. Every couple goes through such spells. Our crappy spells have usually been the 12-18 months following the birth of a baby. The sleeplessness, the fussiness, the inability to get anything done because you've got a baby howling or needing your constant attention. But it passes, and life gets easier. Or it becomes the new norm. Whatever.
I've also learned that just as a parent picks his/her battles with a child, so too does a spouse with his/her partner. This doesn't mean a certain behavior is no longer highly irritating or that you stop rolling your eyes at said behavior. But it means you don't say anything about it because 1. it ain't gonna change, and 2. there are bigger fish to fry.
D has a habit that drives me nuts. Whenever I purchase something or items are delivered to the house, D enjoys opening it all up. He is really like a kid (and N takes after him). But then those items just sit there and would probably sit there forever if I didn't put them somewhere.
Of course, one of my habits that drives D nuts is that I move stuff around constantly in a futile attempt to find the most efficient means of running the household. So maybe he figures why bother putting it away because wherever he would put it, I would eventually move it?
After nearly 13 years of marriage and 15 years together, being with D feels like home.
And home is a very nice place to be.
2 comments:
Very sweet.
And I'm sure D is glad you don't try to rearrange and change your "home" like you do your house... ;)
I read something recently that makes a lot of sense to me. I'll try to paraphrase it:
A wise woman said that if we, as wives, admit that 80% of what our husbands do/say/are is satisfactory, and focus on that 80% instead of on the 20% (annoyances and bothersome behaviors) that will likely never change, then wives and their husbands would be much happier and more satisfied in their marriages.
Easier said than done, for sure, but I think it's a great goal to have.
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