When I complain about not having enough opportunities to relax, I have to remind myself that part of this inability has absolutely nothing to do with the kids. I was a fidgety person long before my kids were ever part of my life. I have a terrible, terrible time sitting still.
Friends and acquaintances have asked how I have time to blog or scrapbook or keep journals for the kids. And the answer is that I don't watch tv. Just about every weekend I sit down with D to watch one Netflix movie. That is all the tv viewing I can tolerate. I would say that the only time I can be found watching tv is when I am sick, but I am a mom of 3 kids, so I don't get to lay down on the couch and watch the boob tube even when I'm honking, sneezing, snorting or puking.
I guess it is the anxiety that makes it hard for me to sit still, although I don't consciously feel anxious a lot of the time. As soon as I sit, I immediately think of something that needs to be done....like the laundry that has been sitting in the washtub over night or that I need to jot down a supply I need to purchase for N's Girl Scout meeting. When my mind is blank I find that something pops in there, something that I had been wanting to get done, had thought about repeatedly and been unable to write down because I forgot it before the pen was in hand. This usually occurs when I am lathering up in the shower. By the time I get out to jot down what I remembered needing to do, the thought is, alas, gone again.
I would like to be more mindful of stillness, of quiet. But it honestly requires that I be in a class. Be forced outside of my home, in a warm, silent room with strangers.
This may be why I sometimes feel a longing to be back in a church. Not to participate in services or hear a sermon, but just to sit still in the quiet.
It has occurred to me numerous times that some of the best moments I have with my children are when I am alone with one or the other of them in a physician's exam room. Because when it is just me and N or me and G or me and M in an exam room, there are no distractions. There is no laundry that I can do. No Facebook. No meat defrosting in the refrigerator. I can just focus on my child. Talk to him or her. Really look at his or her face. Enjoy the moment.
While I think that being "on top of things" as I am is a good quality to have, there is something great to be said for being able to totally enjoy one's slugness. I imagine I will be on the quest for my inner slug for many years to come.