A reminder to myself ---Why I am doing this

My mom was a SAHM, and I knew I wanted to be a SAHM if I ever had kids.  Because I really believe having a parent as constant, consistent caregiver during the first 3-5 years is best....for the child.  

However, I totally, totally get why many women want to work outside the home.  Because being a SAHM is draining, boring, and psychologically exhausting.  (Sometimes it is tremendously rewarding, but often a SAHM doesn't reap the benefits of what she sows until many, many years after the tantrums and discipline and care.)  

I say this after still being submerged in a sick-fest that began last Thursday with G and continued today with N staying home from school and M being put on yet another antibiotic for ear infection #7.  

I say this after having N hand me a note Friday afternoon that said, "Mommy, you yell too much."  (Nevermind that it was because all 3 of them were making numerous and loud "I want" demands as I was trying to fix their dinner, unload the dishwasher and get them snacks.)

I say this after feeling guilt because I would rather dork around on the computer than sit on the floor with my kids and dress Barbies or read another Caillou book or be snotted on when the baby wipes his nose on my pants.....again.  

I stay at home because I am a control freak.  I would resent someone telling me that my baby can't eat baby food anymore because the center only feeds table scraps once the kid reaches a certain age.  I would resent someone telling me my child needs to be potty trained to be allowed admittance into a certain "room."  I would resent my child being given a nap when that means my child wants to stay up until 10:00 each night.  

I want to make the decisions about my child's daily life....because all too soon I won't have any control.

I also stay at home because I am a snob.  I have a graduate degree.  I have traveled internationally.  I am fairly well-read.  I know the difference between and can successfully demonstrate the difference between their, there, and they're.  And I just don't want someone with barely a GED taking care of my kids.  

In my heart of hearts, I think I am best for this job....even when I'm occasionally yelling because of the 3 little Napoleons in my kitchen.

But sometimes I don't know whether this job is best for me.