How a 5-year-old is like a newborn

N started sleeping through the night, 8-12 hour stretches, when she was a wee babe of 4 weeks old. What a "good" baby I had. Then she hit 6 months old, started cutting teeth, and those long stretches were a thing of the past for awhile. Eventually, she settled back into being a lengthy sleeper.

Then G came along. I can't remember when I finally stopped nursing him in the morning's small hours, but he didn't sleep through the night until he was 14 months old after ear tubes finally relieved the pressure and discomfort on his eardrums.

Ahhh, I thought. Maybe I will sleep well for a good, long stretch now.

Then I got pregnant, which resulted in good, deep sleep because my body was so busy growing a baby and placenta (still doing, but said baby is now big enough to shake, rattle and roll ole' mom awake). This was a very, very short-lived period of time.

Shortly after N turned 5, she started waking up through the night....on a really fucking regular basis, and by that I mean almost every stinking night.

It is now 6:33 a.m., and I have been awake since about 4:15 a.m. Here is how my day has gone so far:

4:15 a.m. --

N at my bedroom door: "Mommy, can you lay with me?"

Me: "I will tuck you in."

Lumber to N's bedroom, tuck her in. Back to my bed.

4:33 a.m. --

N at my bedroom door: "Mommy, I think I hear thunder."

Me: "That's not thunder; it's an airplane. Go back to bed."

4:45 a.m. --

N at my bedroom door: "Mommy, can you get paci for me?" (Yes, she is 5 and still uses a pacifier....good god, I'd never get any sleep if she didn't).

Lumber to N's bedroom, do a serious of gymnastics moves (not recommended for third trimester of pregnancy, especially in the near dark) to locate paci under the bed. Now totally awake.

5:20 a.m. --

N: "Mommy, I think I heard thunder again."

Me: Lumber out of bed to get her back into bed and explain how UPS planes begin flying packages at this time of the morning. At this point, she tells me she is "bored," and asks to read books. Smoke crack for all I care, just let me go back to sleep.

5:21 a.m. to present ---

Me laying in bed trying to get back to sleep but entirely too awake to do so. Plus, #3 has decided to do his/her morning exercise routine. Futility sucks.

At least with a newborn, you stick your nipple in his/her mouth and your body oozes oxytocin, the most wonderful sleep agent around, as your milk begins to flow.

I feel quite certain I will be napping today while N is at summer camp.