So let me see if I can clarify my feelings for myself (and for him since he reads my blog). Isn't it sad how much of what I think my hubby learns from my postings?
I am totally good with 3 kids. I know I don't want 4, or 5 or anything beyond 3. BUT tying tubes 10 seconds after birth is scary because so much can (or could) happen to a newborn. Yes, the list I'm about to provide is worst case scenarios, but they live in my brain so they get a voice on this particular post:
1. What if the baby gets swine flu (which may or may not have a resurge in the fall) and succumbs?
2. What if baby dies of SIDS at 3 months old?
3. What if baby has some weird endocrine disorder and doesn't thrive beyond 4 months?
4. What if any of these aforementioned scenarios occur, and then D dies unexpectedly, and I meet someone else when I'm 39 and want to have another child?
Realistically I know that nothing can replace a child who dies. But I also suspect that if something happened to my child, especially an infant, I might want the option of trying for another child at some point before I go through menopause. Not that I would choose the option, but I'd want the option nonetheless.
The idea of tying things off permanently minutes after birth when I'm weepy and emotional does not sound like a good idea to me. I don't think I want to experience the joy of new motherhood with the potential worry (and potential regret) of being sterile. I know how my brain works, and I know which would would seep into my conscious mind more often. I do a poor job of handling mixed emotions at the same time, so walking headlong into it seems dumb on my part.
So my thinking is that when baby is 3 months old, hubby consults with urologist for the snipping, and then gets it done when baby is 6-7 months old. Because by then, I will be less emotional, be headlong into caring for 3 children (and therefore really mentally prepared to be OVER IT), and feel more comfortable that baby will probably survive its first year and beyond. Plus, in my experience, nursing a baby constantly the first 6 months does NOTHING for my libido.
And I will be that much closer to 37 years old. And given how much extra checking I've had to go through with this "geriatric pregnancy" I feel certain I don't want to do it again (unless said worst scenarios occur).
D didn't want 3 kids (although he is excited now about our surprise baby), and under no circumstances wants anymore....with me or anyone else (although I have a sneaking suspicion if I dropped dead and he married Miss 24-inch Waist and Big Tits who really wanted to have a baby he would comply immediately). So since he is TOTALLY certain, I think he should take the permanent precautions.
Because I am sick of being pregnant and feel 99.8% certain I don't want to do this again, but that .02% will bother me forever if I take permanent measures while I'm on the table watching the nurses clean up my baby.
2 comments:
In my opinion...which is worth exactly NOTHING in this debate...you shouldn't do anything permanant unless you are 99.99999999% sure. Jeff always said that he weighed the chances of us having a child die young/get a disease/spouse die/etc versus the chances of having a surprise pregnancy. And since we were in the midst of dealing with a surprise pregnancy...we were pretty certain which way that balance swung ;) We figured that in the awful awful (and small small) chance that something catastrophic would happen, we could do IVF or adopt or something.
That being said...I've also heard that even if you are having a C-section, it is a worse recovery if you also have your tubes tied. Because of having to move all the organs around or something...
My 15 year old chose the stupid name for this google account, so forgive.
Love this. I had my tubes tied post Christopher, who was a planned C-section. He was the easiest recovery I had of the 3 because I knew what to expect and what to do/not to do. The tubal had nothing bearing on recovery. I tied mine because he was a very welcome surprise, but I was 39 and counting, had him 6 weeks before 40. Best birthday present ever. My cousin's dick of a husband threw her a huge expensive party when she turned 40, but won't her have another child after their first (asshole). I was happy and content and thrilled with my 40th present.
That said, make sure you are sure when one of you has it done. I haven't regretted my tubal for a nanosecond, but again, I was 40ish. Would I have tied them if I had been younger, though I still had the 3? Nope.
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