For better or worse

Lynn Patterson's comic strip For Better or Worse is, by far, my favorite to read every morning because I live it. The "traditional marriage" has been my life for 5 years and will be for the foreseeable future (we've been married nearly 12 but prior to kids we were the dual-income, "you do your thang, I'll do mine" household).

Yesterday, while running my errands following an ob appointment, I was listening to On Point, and the topic of the hour was modern marriage--whether it is a waste of time or necessary to the stability of society. It was really interesting and made me think about my own marriage.

When I married at 24, I didn't know my ass from a hole in the ground. Who does at 24? But somehow, D and I have gotten 12 years past that and have what I think is a pretty good marriage. And this radio program made me wonder how? Either I really unconsciously knew something at that tender age, or I married an amazing person who tolerates me exceptionally well, or it is sheer luck? Maybe all 3? Maybe something else?

Mind you, I haven't hit my "horny 40s," which may be as elusive as the G-spot, so once I'm there and done with childbearing and caring for extremely young and needy children, I may be raging about the lack of romance and sex that comes with having a 20-year marriage. I don't know what I will be like, what my marriage will be like, at that time.

But I do know that it didn't take me too long after the wedding, and when I say that I mean the honeymoon, to determine that sex and romance are integral to a marriage but ya better have a heck of a lot more going for the relationship than these two things. Because sex, even really fantastic sex, gets dull after awhile. There is simply more that a person has to do, wants to do, needs to do, in a relationship to get fulfillment.

Of course, I could just be terribly dull. I like security, I like routine. I don't need or particularly want candy, flowers or negligees. I don't expect my husband to be a mind-reader. I must note that I used to be more emotionally high-maintenance (asking questions like, "Do you think I have brain cancer?), but medication has helped that.

And I'm not the type of person who expects the "best." Whenever I've gone from one job to another, one house to another, one car to another, I am pretty happy if the latter is better than the former. I don't expect the perfect job or home. If it is better than what I had, I'm ok with it.

D is like me in many ways. He likes security and routine. He eats the same breakfast every. single. day. of. his. life (I like more variety than this, I must note). So maybe part of the reason we've stuck together is that we are equally and complementarily boring.

When he and I had one of our first dates, we took a long walk after dark, and we just talked about everything. And if anyone knows D, they know that for him to talk for a long time about anything is RARE. I knew there was something special about him when he started talking about the movie Orlando, starring Tilda Swinton. He was brainy. He was sensitive. He hated sports. Holy Crap On a Stick! This is the man for me!

D made a comment about one of my recent posts that I had nice, cute things to say about the kids but my "good" comment about him was that he came home with a paycheck. He knows you lose the googly-eyed, syrupy, smoochy lovey-dovey stuff. It is simply unsustainable for extended periods of time. Which is why it is good that we have more to our relationship than sex and romance. Which may explain my "daddy crushes" post (which may satisfy that need on my end; I don't check dear hubby's computer for porn, but he knows I don't care if he indulges. All I ask is to be occasionally invited to the party too).

So this big long ramble has no point other than for me to reflect on my own marriage as a result of this radio program, and to know that I've got it pretty damn good.