But I also feel the urge, especially now that I am nearly 26 weeks pregnant and in the middle of the summer "we have no routine so let's act like fucking apes" stage, to 1. smack them into the nearest universe or 2. get the hell away from them for as long as possible.
And it is for this reason that I refuse to babysit other people's children in my home. I have friends who do this, and it blows my mind because I love my own children more than life itself, and yet I want to kill them most of the time. What in god's name would I actually be capable of doing if I didn't love the kids that much? Hard to say, so I don't take chances.
Today was a crapper of a day. N woke up in a shitty mood...she was either sassy or trying to aggravate me or G (and she succeeded with me all day long on every front imaginable). I was LIVING for my trip to the grocery tonight, which is just sad.
G spent most of the morning crying because I was trying to transfer money and pay some bills online. Heaven forbid I give any attention to anything computer or telephone related. He screamed and was just a basket case. Of course when I try to sit him in my lap so he'll settle down, he bangs on the computer keys, making it truly impossible to get anything accomplished.
Things improved slightly when we ran some errands. Though this completely wears me out, it gets us out of the house.
This afternoon while G napped, N wanted me to play barbies with her. I wanted to lay on the couch and doze. But I attempted to be the "good mom" and play. Of course, we first had to get all the barbies dressed, so I was the lady-in-waiting, helping Pocahontas and Belle change into wedding appropriate attire. Then I got out my sewing needle and thread to repair the wedding dress and tuxedo of the loving couple. We were chatting about the planned wedding and the barbies' hair and other highly important things.
We also read some new library books after she momentarily tired of the barbie wedding preparations.
Of course, after we had done this for an hour or so, and I tried to lay down, she complained that I hadn't played with her. Apparently, getting the barbies dressed and discussing the nuptials does not count as playing. It sure the fuck does to me.
As I watch my two, I keep thinking, "What the fuck am I gonna do with another one?" And I really don't know. My standards are quite low, though. If I can keep my sanity and not murder them, I'll consider myself doing quite well.
1 comment:
I can't even tell you how relieved I am that someone else doesn't have other kids over. I think it will be okay once I know that my kid and their kid will just disappear into the basement or whatev...but right now there is too much chaos at my house already.
Andrew was taken home by numerous people during the school year. They would just pick him up and bring him back to their house to play. I apologized to one woman because I never reciprocate. She smiled and said, "Joseph is my 3rd. I never had kids over when I had all 3 at home. But because he is the baby he is used to having other kids at home to play. Now that the older two are in school full time I LOVE having kids over to entertain him. Don't worry. You'll probably do the same."
And it made me feel better. About NOT having kids over now. Maybe someday.
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