Lack of tact

N takes dance class with two little girls...sisters. This summer it was just the 3 of them in class together, so their mom and I talked a bit. She was expecting a baby with Trisomy 18.

I received an email on Tuesday announcing that she had delivered the baby, a boy, and he lived 9 hours.

When I took N to class last night, the dad was there with his daughters. I hugged him and asked how M was doing, told him I'd like to bring them a meal, asked if their son's name was a family name. Kept my voice low and respectful. But I wanted to acknowledge that I had gotten word and that I felt the deepest sympathy for them.

Now there is a woman who is often in the small waiting area where G and I wait. Her daughter is older and in a different class, but she and I have chatted. She is very friendly. So friendly in fact that you want to put duct tape over her mouth because she simply won't shut up.

While I was talking to T, this woman comes over and says something on the order of, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I just want to say I'm sorry." That in itself would have been fine, but she then proceeded to tell him about her miscarriages, thereby taking his grief and turning it into an opportunity to talk about herself. And she just went on and on and on. And her voice really travels. She carried on so much that eventually I heard T offering sympathy to her.

Since this woman doesn't know T and M (and admittedly I don't know them well), she doesn't know that this is, in fact, their second loss of a child. Their first son was stillborn. And they had 5 miscarriages before their oldest daughter was born. And they will not be having anymore children. (I mention this only because she started saying stuff like, "And don't give up. Try again.")

I'm not suggesting that her losses are less important or painful than theirs. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a baby, either through early miscarriage, stillbirth or as a result of a birth defect soon after delivery. But her losses aren't less than 24 hours fresh. T and M's pain is still raw. She has had time to process and heal a bit. She doesn't know them, so saying, "I overheard, and I am so sorry for your loss" is fine, thoughtful, considerate. But yakking the man's head off for 10 minutes about her own experiences when she doesn't know anything about his situation is boorish and awful.

Aside from making me want to avoid this lady like the plague, it also made me wonder whether I have ever done anything like that to someone.... blabbered on about myself when I clearly should have kept my mouth shut. I can only remember one time, and I was 16. I love to talk about myself, but I sincerely hope I have learned some semblance of tact. Seeing its lack really burned me up.