What the future holds

There was a time not so long ago when the mere idea of being away from my daughter for any extended period of time was torture. I couldn't fathom not wanting to spend every moment with her.

It saddens me to report that those days are over. And I'm not sure why. I think partly because she is 4 and a half. And partly because G is in the picture now.

And it makes me feel lousy. I guess I let my getting aggravated with her bring me down.

What aggravates me? Here's the shortlist:

• When she takes toys out of G's hands or only starts playing in an area where he is simply because he is playing there. Like today, we were outside, and I helped G start climbing up the slide. Pronto, N was there yelling, "It's my turn. I wanna go up and down the slide." (Which then resulted in me having to give them turns and lugging chunk when I wasn't previously having to do that.)

• When she does things like G in a babyish way, after seeing me give him some attention for doing it. Like clapping her hands. The whole acting-like-a-baby shtick drives me batty!!!

• When, after having been played with and given attention, she can't give me and D 2 seconds to converse without getting all up in our grills. And when we ask her to stop interrupting, she complains that she wants to be played with....as if we've ignored her for hours.

• When she putzes around, which is pretty much the only speed she knows. When it is time to walk downstairs, she lolly-gags in front of me, stops at the steps, proceeds to throw her entourage of stuffed animals down the steps one at a time, all the while that I am lugging Hercules and feeling my arms lose circulation.
  

• When she's begging for a fight. The other day, she read one of her Brand New Reader books to me, but instead of reading the words, she just recited Jack and Jill. After she finished, she asked me if she had read it right. Having learned from past episodes with her when I had constructively criticized, I said, "Yes." But she knew I was lying, so she asked again if she had read it right. So I answered, "No." Then she got mad and asked again if she had read it right. No matter what I said, she was gonna take issue with it. And when I said, "I don't know if you read it right," she really lost her mind.

• When she does any of the above simultaneously!!!!!

We have been at each other quite frequently over the past 2 weeks, which could be because 1.) the pool closed, and she is officially bored out of her skull, 2.) my breastfeeding hormones are waning resulting in me being especially irritable, or 3.) a little bit of both.

And it makes me dread the teenage years. I have already had my fill of her attitude and she is not even 5. She can be very, very strong-willed, and I simply can't relate. I was always very compliant with my parents (until I became a teen). My dad could just give me a look and I'd cry or apologize. My daughter doesn't have that in her. She has no qualms giving me what for.

On the one hand, I am really glad she's got fire in her because I don't want her to be a wet-noodle like I was as a kid....especially with kids or mean people. But it makes my job a helluva lot harder.

So this is why I am aching, yes, aching for preschool to start. She needs an outlet because I fear we've both had quite enough of each other.