Birthday Party Crow Eater

About 2 years ago, my friend T told me how many birthday parties her daughter had been invited to when she started preschool, which was on the order of 1 million (ok, I exaggerate a little). I, in my great knowledge and wisdom and being the mother of a 2-year-old, said I wouldn't let N go to that many parties if and when the time ever came that she received lots of invitations.

Here I am, 2.5 years later, taking N to tons of birthday parties for her little friends. Since the end of July, N has been invited to 5 and attended 4. She got another invitation yesterday after we had returned home from 2 parties in a row. I even allowed N to have a friend party for her 4th birthday since she had been attending so many other kids' parties, which I thought I wouldn't do until she was at least 10.

O, what do I know anyway? About anything related to parenting?

I have mixed feelings about birthday parties involving people other than family. The kids love them. N just beams whenever I hand her an invitation to open and eagerly asks me to read it. For her it is sheer fun to be with her friends and play.

For me, it is alot more involved than that....mostly because I think too much about stupid stuff and worry about things that nobody else notices or cares about.

Like the cost of the gift.

I have a Gift Box, in which I put toys and books I buy on sale. And I mean, really good sales (because in addition to having OCD and being highly anal, I am also cheap). This saves me some money, as well as time, so I'm not running out to Target constantly to purchase presents. And I don't buy cards because 1.) the kids don't give a rat's ass about the cards, and 2.) I'm cheap and don't want to spend nearly $3 on a card that the kids don't give a rat's ass about. So I have N make cards for her friends.

But I worry that the kid or the parents of the kid will think I'm cheap (although they don't know how much I spent on any given gift), particularly in light of the fact that they've invited my kid and fed her cake and ice cream and let her play and given her a goodie bag. I keep expecting every kid who invites N to their birthday party to get a shirt that says

I invited N to my party
and all I got was this stupid
{name of toy here}

And even though D makes good money, we simply can't afford to shell out $15-$20 for every birthday party. Hell, I only spend $20-$25 on my own mother for her birthday.

I have mixed feelings about the goodie bags too. Again, N loves them and thinks they are wonderful. I tend to cringe at the money spent on stuff for kids who aren't the birthday kid. My kid has been fed cake and ice cream and played on jungle gyms and whatnot for 2 hours. Really, she doesn't need anything else.

I sound like an old fogey saying this, but all of this is so, so different than when I was growing up. I had family parties forever, and then had a slumber party when I was around 10. And I think that was the extent of my birthday party life. N has attended way, way more birthday parties than I ever did, and she is not quite 4 and a half.

I suppose N attending birthday parties makes me feel pressure to follow suit, when I would be perfectly content to just have family parties for years and years. Some people like to entertain, but I hate it. With family, I feel comfortable saying, "Get your water/soft drink/ice cream/napkin/whatever yourself," but I can't do that with N's friends and their parents. Well, I guess I could but I'm already too good at pissing people off.

And yes, there is always the option of having the party out somewhere at a gym or restaurant which we will likely do for her 5th or 6th birthday, but I can't afford to do that every year, especially since what I do for N I will try to do for G.

Basically, birthday parties make me feel inadequate. N loves them and has fun, and I like seeing N have fun with her friends. But I spend an inordinate amount of time feeling cheap or like a bad hostess or like a stick-in-the-mud mom as a result of seeing what other parents do for their kids.

I thought middle school ended a long time ago but apparently I am still stuck in some adolescent limbo. Oh no, wait, this is what motherhood is all about.

Good nite! Who would have thought that I would be able to write this much about preschool birthday parties. I keep telling myself to just let N go and enjoy herself, take a gift from the Gift Box and a homemade card (because nobody cares), and do whatever I feel comfortable with regarding N and her birthday parties.

I don't know if my friend T remembers my oh-so-wise comments about birthday parties from a couple years back, but if she does, I just want her to know I am downing full bottles of A-1 with the crow I am currently eating.