Can't forget sis

N can write her first name. Hooray! She did it all by herself on Monday and just beamed.

In working with her on the letters of her name, N introduced me to a new letter, or perhaps it is an ancient symbol that she recalls from a previous incarnation. She calls it a torteeum. It looks like an rounded A with a line at the bottom. Whenever she would work on her A, she would draw this, sigh heavily, and say, "I made a torteeum again."

Today she saw an overripe banana on the kitchen counter and asked, "Is this banana sick?" I guess since she is running a fever she thinks that banana looks the way she feels.

She visited the dentist on Monday (no cavities) and was given 3 little plastic horses from the goody bag. Tonight while playing, she asked me what I was gonna name the pink one that was "mine." I said Pegasus. She named the other 2 Jajuwa and Taduwa. Isn't there a joke about those names??? Oh no, that is lemonjello and orangejello.

4-Month Mega Baby

Tubby.
Lardo.
Chubs.
Sure, he is not the biggest baby in the world, but he is a healthy 17 lb, 2 oz-- putting him firmly in the 85th percentile for weight. 60th for height.

Laughing much more frequently and grabbing his toes any chance he can. And he just jabbers away, even in his sleep. He is gonna be a talker like his mama.

Foibles

It is a good thing I don't really believe in heaven because chances are pretty slim I would ever manage to get there anyway. My life is sometimes a constant series of me saying, thinking and /or doing things that either piss people off, hurt people's feelings or just aggravate the hell outta me.

Example 1: I did hurt feelings when I explained about N being upset about her playdate friend, and even though I don't question my decision I do regret hurting someone. She loves her daughter just as fiercely as I love mine and is equally protective. I always feel badly when something I say makes someone else feel hurt or wronged.

Example 2: Yep, the whole N playdate thing again. N is 3. Yes, nearly 4, but still 3, and so still a baby to me. Was I too much of a butt-in-ski? Should I have just let N work it out, whatever she was/is feeling, on her own? My heart says no because N is generally a sensitive kid and doesn't fully understand her feelings and if she is saying stuff I need to take it seriously, but my head wonders if I just let "mama bear" run spastic.

But what is done is done, and I have probably angered this other mom to the point where she will duck her head whenever she sees me coming.

That is one of the harder things about this being a mom business. My adult friendships of the moment are tied to N's friendships of the moment because moms with preschoolers are the only adults I see. So if N's friendships sour, in all likelihood, my friendships will sour as well, at least to some extent. Or vice versa--if my friendship with a mom sours, N's friendship will take a hit too.

Hell, it is hard enough to maintain friendships when you don't have to take into account your preschooler's emotional and social health/development and the ferocious mama bear who lives in all of us.

I don't wanna hurt the dog

I want to hurt the dumb fuck neighbor who owns the dog and leaves it outside in the cold to bark and bark and bark.

This neighbor is proof that just because you can afford to live in a nice neighborhood doesn't mean you have sense, class or respect.

Aside from the fact that it is like 24 degrees outside and the dog doesn't have a doghouse or any warm shelter from the cold, the damn dog won't shut up. If I could understand dog language, I would probably understand him to be saying, "My balls are cold. Let me in motherfucker."

I am not a big fan of dogs in general because of the licking, but having this schmuck as a neighbor has made me borderline hateful of dogs...simply because he is so inconsiderate of his neighbors. I am about ready to make a CD loop of G crying and put it on his back porch at 4:00 a.m. I don't wanna listen to my kid cry, just like he doesn't want to listen to his dog bark. If I have to listen to his noise pollution, he can listen to my noise pollution.

It's a good thing I'm not god because this shithead dog-owner would be returned to dust ASAP.

Stepping through a minefield

I had to call another mom and tell her N doesn't want to play with her daughter anymore. Man, that was so unfun. And I'm really torn up about this (damn my ultra-sensitive personality).

N's playdates with this girl began when G was about a month old. At first, I was just so thrilled for N to have something to do besides sit in front of the tube or watch me nurse her brother. N had started to have a little love affair with L over the summer when they would play together at the pool, and it continued into the fall.

I started to notice N was overly-dependent on L, and L just kinda ignored her. L is nearly a year older than N, so I thought it was just an immaturity issue on the part of N. At our neighborhood Halloween festival, N was constantly chasing after calling, "L, wait for me." L just ran off and did her own thing, regardless of N trailing behind her. Admittedly, this behavior of N's was driving me nuts. The world doesn't begin and end with L or any child, and I hated that my child seemed so needy and dependent on another kid.

Once the playdates began, I eventually noticed when I would pick N up from L's that N was always in a Snow White costume and L was in a Sleeping Beauty costume. Who cares, I know, but N adores Sleeping Beauty and would always choose that costume if given an opportunity. So I started to wonder, "Is she not being given the opportunity?"

Then N started saying stuff like, "I like Sleeping Beauty, not L," and "Sleeping Beauty is my favorite, not L's." And I know full well that Sleeping Beauty is L's favorite, so why was N saying things like this?

Last week, when L came to our house, N hit her because L pulled N's pacifier out of her mouth (and why did she even have her pacifier in her mouth--keep reading). And then on Thursday, she got upset at L's house and started crying to the point where L's mom couldn't calm her down. When I talked to L's mom, it totally didn't make sense what N was crying about, but the fact that she got upset and was glad to leave is what bothers me.

So I told L's mom today that I think we need to take a break from playdates, and I suspect she got her feelings hurt. She didn't say this so I may just be over-worrying, but I thought I heard it in her voice.

And as much as I don't want to hurt L or L's mom's feelings, my daughter's feelings come first.

I get the sense that since L is nearly a year older, she kinda dictates what the girls play. L has a forceful, exuberant personality, while N tends usually to be fairly easygoing. And N, especially in someone else's house, is generally not going to pitch a fit about anything even if stuff does bother her, which may be why she started with the "Sleeping Beauty is my favorite" stuff. Perhaps that is her roundabout way of saying "I'm not happy." Heck, last week in our house, when her friend, I, wanted to play Barbies and N wanted to play Polly Pockets, N just got her pacifier and laid on the couch. So that is what N does when things aren't going the way she wants---she retreats and gets her pacifier.

So I feel like I've been walking through a emotional minefield--worrying about L stepping on N's feelings, worrying about myself stepping on L's mom's feelings, worrying whether I am being too sensitive to this whole thing.

But I gotta look out for my own.

Highlights of the week

Let's see--where do I begin. I better go backwards since I honestly can't remember what happened 4 days ago.

Today--Friday 25th -- had a playdate with S and G at local art gallery. N had fun, and I have a backache from hauling tubby around in the Snugli (I know he weighs at least 45 lbs). G did actually sleep for about 45 minutes as an afternoon nap and went to bed at 6:50 pm.

Thursday 24th -- N had a playdate at a friend's which resulted in N crying inconsolably and for once, being eager for me to take her home, and now not wanting to play with this little girl. This is a mom's worst PR nightmare. I mean how do you nicely say, "My kid doesn't want to hang with your kid anymore?" I've got to do it, though, because these 2 girls are just not clicking.

Wednesday 23rd -- Storytime at the library and paid car taxes (yippeee). Filled out invitations for N's 4th birthday party. Slept like shit as a result of worrying about hosting a 4-year-old's birthday party. Good grief.

Tuesday 22nd -- N had playdate after preschool with her classmate. No trauma...thank god.

Monday 21st -- Vaguely remember this day. D was off work.

I would say I wish I had something of interest to report, but usually when I've wished for something exciting it always turns into some "bad" exciting, like a spider bite that turns into an amputated limb (ok, that has never actually happened but I have to use my powers of hyperbole whenever given the opportunity which ain't much with an ultra-literal preschooler).

I didn't check my email this week for 2 days, which is a record. If I didn't have to haul ass to the basement office and have both kids in tow, it would be better. I have asked for a most unromantic laptop for my 35th birthday. How truly lame I have become.

Oh, and I had my hair cut super short because I was pulling it back with N's barrettes. It is really dumb to be wearing your preschoolers' hair accessories, so I just said "Chop it." That was last Saturday. Hey, I remembered what I did last Saturday. Amazing. My brain still does work.

Ok, I'm gonna stop typing because this is all so boring. I am falling asleep at the keyboard.

Dangling carrot

Yep, D could find something sexual to make out of this blog title, but it has nothing to do with genitalia or produce.

N has mentioned wanting to have a "friend" party to celebrate her birthday, and while I am not keen on the idea because it means more work for me, I also know she has been going to lots of other kids' parties so why should she be the only one to not have something special?

So I have agreed that she can invite 4 friends (since she is turning 4). I figure this is manageable. We can have a small tea-party.

But I have told her she has to print her name on her thank you cards so we have to start working on her printing the letters of her name. She already knows how to do a couple of them, so it shouldn't be too difficult, at least in theory. We shall see.