Wednesday, March 7, 2012


I don't embarrass easily.  If you saw how I look when I walk out of my house most days, you would know this to be true.  And my kids normally don't embarrass me.  Normally.

Tonight was an exception to this general rule.  N decided to lose her mind at the Girl Scout meeting.  The troop is working on its Painting patch, and the girls were painting a "mood."  I should have known this wouldn't go down well.  N was originally painting a happy mood, but for whatever reason she decided she disliked her painting.  (I think she started mixing colors and realized too late that mixing too many colors ends up a dull shade of brown.)

By the end of the meeting, she was sobbing, head in her arms, demanding that I allow her to do another painting RIGHT NOW!  (I had told her she could do another painting but not right then because we were wrapping up the meeting.)

On the way out of the building where the troop meets, she started saying, "I HATE Girl Scouts!"  Now this embarrassed me because I'm the troop leader, and it looks pretty shitty for the troop leader's daughter to be carrying on like this.  It was all I could do to not throw that girl down on the ground and beat her ass.

It is hard for me when she acts like this, which isn't often thankfully, because she is the child who usually stays calm and can be semi-logical.  By no means do I think of her as an adult or even a little adult, but I do expect her to not carry on like a 4-year-old.  To not act like her brothers.

When we returned home, I did the dishes and had D work with N on her homework because I'd had quite enough of her by that point.  Of course, at bedtime G decided to start his usual tantrums.  It is aggravating at the best of times, but tonight I had not a single fleck of patience left in me.  My reserves were, and are, all used up.

Tonight was one of those nights when I felt like I could have walked out the door and started driving to g*d knows where and said, "The hell with all of 'em."  Tonight is one of those nights when I remember my own mother taking off for a long walk, leaving me and my brother with dad because we had pushed, and pushed and pushed.

I get it now.

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