Life is what happens when you're busy thinking you know exactly how things are gonna go down

Back in December, I took G to a free developmental screening through the local school district to see about his speech.  D had been saying for awhile that G is a "mushmouth," but what clinched it for me was when my friend in PA reported that her son was delayed in speech.  For some reason, after reading her Facebook post, I thought, "I better call about G."  Also I had begun to pay more attention to his playmates, and I realized just how inarticulate G was in comparison to them.

G failed the screening, which meant he could be more fully evaluated to see if he qualified as "learning disabled" and would be able to receive free services through the district.  He was evaluated about two weeks ago, and today we had our placement meeting.

In my head, I had a plan:  G would attend a church-affiliated preschool this fall where N attended and receive speech services a couple times a week at the public school where N now is in first grade.  Wonderful.  Terrific.  Couldn't Ask For It To Go Any Smoother.  The speech clinician who evaluated him basically told me two weeks ago that G would qualify, so I knew going into today's meeting to expect this, but then.......

BUM-BUM.....
other issues cropped up that kind of blew "my plan" to smithereens.

We were told that if G attends a district preschool they can guarantee he will receive full speech services, but they can't guarantee the full time (50 minutes per week) if he only comes for speech therapy.  I was completely caught off guard by this and even had them reiterate it to ensure I was hearing them correctly.

And it seemed stupid to have gone through all this screening and evaluation to NOT accept the full amount of services G needs.

BUT going this route means that he would be in 4-day a week preschool starting like NOW, instead of 2-days a week in the fall.  G has never been in a Moms Day Out program or even in a church nursery.  His only caregivers have been family members or a close neighbor.  So going from "With Mommy All The Time" to "4 Days a Week of Public Preschool" seemed like going from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds.  And he would even ride the school bus.

That is a lot of time away from my baby, which I am willing to do if it is in his best interest, but it hurts my heart.  Because I know from my experience with N that once they are off to school on a virtually everyday basis.....that is it.

(And then there is the feeling I have that G has always been a little short-changed, his toddlerhood spent with me suffering all-day pregnancy sickness and then having to share mommy with baby M.  My time with him seems to have somehow been infringed on.)

Starting him in preschool now would also mean that he would enter kindergarten as a 4-year-old since his birthday is 4 days before the cut-off, which I am adamantly opposed to.  I think it is a bad idea to start boys with late birthdays, but when they have a speech issue on top of it---it seems like a no-brainer to delay and give them more time to mature.  I don't care how much preschool a kid has under his belt.

But again, I want him to receive the full services he needs for his moderate disability.

On top of all this, the school that N attends does not offer free preschool to kids who need speech, so if we did send him to a district preschool now, he would attend somewhere else, we would pull him out in 2013 to send him to where N went for preschool for a year, and then try to get him into N's public school in 2014.  This just seems like an awful lot of transitions for such a young kid.

Still....those full services that he needs to improve his articulation......

So D and I reluctantly agreed to start him in a district preschool since that seemed the only way to get him the full range of services he qualified for in his IEP.

All last evening and during the night when I was up 26 times with the boys and again early this morning, I just couldn't shake the gut feeling I had that this was not right for me or for G.  So I emailed a former colleague who works in the district.  And I called the placement people and left a message for someone to contact me.  And I called a local organization that helps parents deal with special needs children and the district (which I got from another friend).

By 5:00 this evening, I had been told by my new best friend in the early childhood department of the district that G receives full services whether he attends a district preschool or not, which is the complete opposite of what we were told yesterday.  (It is possible I may have misunderstood them, but considering I had them repeat it, I don't think D or I are the ones misinterpreting things.)   And he can still receive services the year I hold him back due to his late birthday in 2013.

At this point, I just sit tight and wait for someone to call to schedule his sessions.

So what do I make of all this?
Am I a good mom who listens to her intuition and considers all the factors of what his good for her son and her family?
Or am I a selfish mom who allows her own feelings and desire to be with her son get the best of her?
Or maybe a little bit of both?