I have been reading Raising Your Spirited Child, and I have come to the conclusion that I am simply getting a taste of my own medicine. The biggest problem with G is that temperamentally he is spot-on like his mother.
The book discusses the characteristics of spirited children:
1. Intensity--loud, shrieking, noisy when they play/laugh.
2. Persistence--"getting them to change their minds is a major undertaking."
3. Sensitivity--"a wayward string or scratchy texture can render clothes unwearable."
4. Perceptiveness--"They notice everything" and "they are often accused of not listening."
5. Adaptability--uncomfortable with change.
Extra bonus characteristics:
*Regularity--"An eight-hour night of undisturbed sleep is a mere memory lingering in your mind from the days before their birth."
*Energy--busy, climbers, leapers
As I reread these characteristics, I feel like I am reading about myself, a person who hates change, and has hated change my entire life. A person who is stubborn to a fault. A person who is high energy and has a terrible time sitting still. A person who tends to be loud and exuberant and harpy-like when I'm angry.
Many of the parents mentioned in this book also had their "A-HA" moments when they realized how much their child was like them or like their spouse, causing them to either understand the child so well as to be unable to handle them (like me) or unable to understand the child at all because the child was so drastically different from said parent.
At this point, I'm still kind of absorbing what I've read about characteristics, observing G and reflecting on my own temperament.
I did purchase some balance disks for the kids to use at dinner, in an attempt to keep all of them seated for longer than 2 seconds so that we can possible enjoy a family meal without me or D becoming angry that all three of the children are up and about instead of seated and eating.
I did institute a reward chart for G, who since we began it has slept 6 nights (not consecutive but pretty close) without waking me at all. And I also put his sleeping bag and a pillow on the floor right next to my bed so that he knows he has a place where he can come during the night if he needs me (but he knows he does not earn a sticker if he does.) My hope is that it will allow him to feel safe/secure/comforted without me being up and down and up and down multiple times a night traipsing into his bedroom.
I truly want to be the best possible mom for him that I can be, but he is such a challenge for me. If nothing else, at least I know I'm trying, although some days that doesn't feel like much at all.
The book discusses the characteristics of spirited children:
1. Intensity--loud, shrieking, noisy when they play/laugh.
2. Persistence--"getting them to change their minds is a major undertaking."
3. Sensitivity--"a wayward string or scratchy texture can render clothes unwearable."
4. Perceptiveness--"They notice everything" and "they are often accused of not listening."
5. Adaptability--uncomfortable with change.
Extra bonus characteristics:
*Regularity--"An eight-hour night of undisturbed sleep is a mere memory lingering in your mind from the days before their birth."
*Energy--busy, climbers, leapers
As I reread these characteristics, I feel like I am reading about myself, a person who hates change, and has hated change my entire life. A person who is stubborn to a fault. A person who is high energy and has a terrible time sitting still. A person who tends to be loud and exuberant and harpy-like when I'm angry.
Many of the parents mentioned in this book also had their "A-HA" moments when they realized how much their child was like them or like their spouse, causing them to either understand the child so well as to be unable to handle them (like me) or unable to understand the child at all because the child was so drastically different from said parent.
At this point, I'm still kind of absorbing what I've read about characteristics, observing G and reflecting on my own temperament.
I did purchase some balance disks for the kids to use at dinner, in an attempt to keep all of them seated for longer than 2 seconds so that we can possible enjoy a family meal without me or D becoming angry that all three of the children are up and about instead of seated and eating.
I did institute a reward chart for G, who since we began it has slept 6 nights (not consecutive but pretty close) without waking me at all. And I also put his sleeping bag and a pillow on the floor right next to my bed so that he knows he has a place where he can come during the night if he needs me (but he knows he does not earn a sticker if he does.) My hope is that it will allow him to feel safe/secure/comforted without me being up and down and up and down multiple times a night traipsing into his bedroom.
I truly want to be the best possible mom for him that I can be, but he is such a challenge for me. If nothing else, at least I know I'm trying, although some days that doesn't feel like much at all.
2 comments:
Wow, very cool that you're gaining such insights from the book. It's funny that G ended up being the one with so many of your tendencies. So often, I hear of it being the oldest (especially if it's a girl) who is a carbon copy of mom.
I'm so glad you're having success with the night-waking! I have my own struggles with still being awakened at night by my kids, so I can relate, but mine is more like 75% of my nights as opposed to 100%, as yours has been. As maddening as it is 75% of the time, I simply can't imagine it being every night. (And my kids always come with a definite reason they need me, not just wandering in for no apparent reason like G does, which I think would drive me completely batty.)
I meant to add that you should give yourself credit for striving to understand G and learn to "do right" by him, rather than taking the approach of some parents, like just spanking the daylights out of him all day, every day, or giving up and letting him turn into a hellion. You say that "just trying" doesn't feel like much, but....IT IS.
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