Rebirth

Can you see the bump?

Brave Birdgirl.

Ahhhh, it feels good to be out among the living again.

Today I went with my mom and N to the zoo. N was thrilled to be out and about. She was such a brave trooper when a lorikeet landed on her arm and tried to eat at her bracelet. After about a minute, she started to get a very worried look on her face (like inside she was screaming, "GET THIS FUCKING BIRD OFFA ME!), but afterwards she crowed, "I didn't even cry."

Of course, it wouldn't have been a normal day if we'd gone the whole time without tears. After I bought tickets for the train, she raced down the walkway only to see the train pulling away from the station. Immediately she burst into tears saying, "He forgot us." Poor thing. Mom and I tried to ease her worries only to have some tease of a grandpa next to us tell her the train wasn't coming back....and so we had to deal with round 2 of fretful tears. Just like a man to tease a crying child.

I did not have any meltdowns myself at the zoo. I had to eat more often than I normally do, and I got very winded pushing N's stroller up the hills, but I did it. I left the couch, got dressed, brushed my teeth, tousled my hair, packed lunch, and drove the car. It feels so weird to say this and feel such a sense of accomplishment, but I guess my standards have been lowered. And, Lord knows, they've always needed to be readjusted downward anyway, so this is a good thing.

I am feeling the need to redo and rework some things in the house and yard, perhaps because I've done nothing but look at the house and yard (mostly the house) for the last 8 or so weeks. Nothing makes you want to redecorate like laying on your couch, seeing the same walls day after day and watching entirely too much HGTV.

I know I'm feeling better because I'm starting to get really irritated by all the dust. I don't know that I'll have the energy to actually deal with it, but it's bugging me.

The grocery store is still not do-able. Last night on the way home from Mamaw's, we stopped to get bread and strawberries (my latest craving). I had to mouth-breathe the entire 7 minutes I was in there. A little bit of Lamaze breathing too (through the mouth). And certain smells are still way gross....like coffee, pizza, the refrigerator, my bathroom soap.

Anyway, I hope to soon call all of my friends who asked to get together over the last 2 months to schedule some fun...although I'm gonna give myself a few more days of feeling ok to see if this is a minor reprieve or the start of something permanent-like.