Stream of consciousness post

Maybe it is all the holiday stuff going on...the lists of presents to buy, food to make, and so on, but my head is all over the map of late. So here goes:

Recently I saw the sister-in-law of a friend out at the grocery (during one of my Calgon moments). She said something on the order of she was a great mom when she had 1 child and only a so-so mom with 2 kids. Her statement really got me thinking about how I am and who I am as a mom.

There was a time when I might have agreed with my friend's SIL. When it was just me and N, especially when she was very young, I was all about reading to her constantly, and doing baby signs, and engaging in anything that might help her develop into a genius. G won't get even a half of the attention I slathered on his sister for 3.5 years. But I don't know that all of my "work" made me a good mom. It made me an involved, perhaps overly involved mom. A mom who didn't give her child the opportunity to figure out how to entertain herself. I imagine most first-time moms do similar things with their oldest child.

Ok, then my friend G's blog said something about how she let her son watch 3 hours of tv after he suffered through his 4-year-old shots. That got me thinking too.

When N was a baby I was the no-tv nazi. She watched nothing until she was over 2. Now the tv is on all the time...literally. Sure I can blame some of this on having a 10-week-old baby. That glorious run of 15 weeks during mid-pregnancy when I felt good, N and I were busy and the tv was hardly on. I imagine once I am getting better sleep and G is able to sit up, the tv will lose it's current place as "god of the living room." I read my friend's blog and thought, "God, I am a sucky mom." But then I thought, "Oh well. I don't care. N's brain hasn't turned to mush yet." In a year and a half, she will be in school all day and the tv won't be on because she'll have homework and early, early bedtime. She may as well enjoy it now.

So my posts are really dull right now because, as noted, my thoughts are all over the board and I can't concentrate well enough to have a decent, coherent run of them. Sleep deprivation does a number on one's online pursuits.