Father freak out

D said he wasn't freaking out when G wouldn't settle down. D said he was just frustrated. D said he knew I'd blog about it and say he was freaking out. Yep--D was right.

D is a good dad, especially this 2nd time around. He is much more hands-on. Part of this is because he is more experienced. Part of this is also because I am not so anal and "all about the baby" like I was with N. But D is still a dad, and there is, in most cases, a definite way a dad will handle things as opposed to mom.

Case in point: A fussing baby. Now every mom I know is a really good baby dancer. The dance is always the same: the baby sway. Even if mom wants to sit and watch HGTV on the couch, she will perform the baby sway in order to calm the baby. A dad is different. A dad will try desperately to stay sitting on the couch watching a ballgame or sci-fi show or movie (which usually results in baby getting more fussy). Dad will reluctantly walk with the baby around the house, all the while being a little ticked that he can't stay seated on the couch and do baby-duty.

Case in point: Kid at the playground or pool. (NOTE: There are some mom exceptions to this case; see my summer blog about pool moms). I have seen dads "watching" their kids at playgrounds, the zoo or pools. Most of the watching is alleged watching. In truth, the dad is reading a book or sleeping but because his body is in the vicinity of the child(ren) then he can say he is watching them. Yesterday at the zoo I saw a dad reading a book while his kid pestered my kid and tried to start conversations with D, who was actually watching N as she maneauvered the playground equipment.

That is probably the worst thing about dads (and moms) who allegedly watch their kids---the conversations their kids try to start with anyone who is breathing. They are so hard-up for attention from any adult, they jabber away at another parent who is tired from actually watching his/her own kid. I used to feel compelled to talk to these kids, but now I just ignore them or say something glib and then ignore them. Sometimes I even say, "Why don't you go bug your mom or dad?" But they usually just keep on blathering about frogs or chapstick or alien spaceships.

Everyone knows that dads are just different. Evolution sets them up to not be so kid-oriented, really. The whole premise is to "hit it and quit it"---spread seed far and wide, and then go off with the other men and hunt monkeys. They don't adjust well to the women's role of childcare. Of course, there are some men who love being in the caretending role and some women who aren't hands-on mommas.

My brother is the most hands-on dad I know. I guess what makes him seem more mom-like than dad-like is the fact that he doesn't ask, "What do I do?" or wait to be told. If the kids need a bath, he just does it.

I used to get so pissed when I'd hear a mom say, "My husband is babysitting the kids." But then I had kids, and I realized that most dads are, in fact, just babysitting their own kids.

So I know D wasn't freaking out, although I have to admit I was wondering whether I'd go to the basement and find a dead G after having been shaken to death or thrown into the wall. I know my tolerance for crying spells and tantrums and lolly-gagging is much higher than D's because I live it every day, although there have been plenty of occasions when D has come home from work to find a VERY grouchy wife.

It takes a momma, daddy, village and lots of alcohol to raise a child.