Yep, I said it. Not that anyone is surprised by this statement, although sometimes I dupe myself into thinking I am stronger than I am. Of course, a little winter illness invades my abode, and reality hits home.
Let's see N had the vomiting episode about 2 weeks ago. Then last week I was sick...on the sleeper sofa, achy, feverish, followed by disgusting congestion. Then N started up with the same thing. After 4 days of fever, I took her to the doctor. So now we are treating an ear infection (her first) and a touch of pneumonia. Yesterday, D started with diarrhea. And N's antibiotics are kicking in so she's a little "loose" too. Furthermore, my lovely little ovarian cyst, which seemed to go away, has returned. Why, at age 33, after 23 years of menstruation, do my ovaries suddenly decide to weird out on me?
Anyway, I've written December off as "totally sucking" and am going to try to move on. I was pretty down until I read today's advice column about the man who's father died suddenly, who's life partner was killed in Iraq and who's mother has breast cancer. And I think of N's gym teacher who's son died this past summer at age 3.
It is at this point that I want to knock myself in the head with a frying pan for being such a.... say it with me now, WUSS.
Part of cognitive behavioral therapy is retraining one's brain to think rationally, and in my case rational is usually more positive than how I normally think. So over the past 2 years I've tried to learn to think "I can cope" with whatever life throws my way. But, sometimes, it becomes ever so clear that while I might cope, the truth is that I cope badly (and that is with benefit of medication).
So aside from being depressed about all the bugs my little family seems to be harboring, I am also depressed because 1. I can't cope with 2. all the little tiny minutiae of my life when other people have much more serious problems. Ahhh, is it almost January?
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