Yep....that is my world-view. Sometimes I don't know how I manage to have a friend in the world. But I do. So I am either not as bad as I think I am, or the people who have opted to be my friends are throwing exceptionally long pity-parties for me (lasting years and years).
I guess 2 things have contributed to this post: One was Garrison Keillor's essay "The Season of Perfect Families," and the other was my friend G's sweet post about her family and how she is doing exactly what she wants to be doing (as in being a stay-at-home mom).
So what I have determined is that if I were to write an essay about my family, it wouldn't be sweet like G's. As much as I'd like to have G's attitude and outlook, it alludes me. Nor would it be as subdued as Keillor's.
I've determined that the reason most people think I am funny is not that I am actually funny. It is because I tell the nasty truth a lot of the time. The blatant, honest truth, and that can often be shocking....and hence, result in laughter.
So what would my essay or holiday newsletter about my family look like? A little something like this....
Dear Friends,
What can I can about 2006?
It went by fast, except on days when N and I were home all day... that seriously drives mommy to distraction, especially if N refuses to venture outside to play or take a walk. Staying at home ain't all its cracked up to be for a gal with OCD, but I don't trust anyone else in the world to take as good of care of my girl as I do. Despite my imperfections, I am way better than a daycare worker (no offense to daycare workers, but it's a job to you; N is my life).
D has been at the same job for 6 years, which amazes me because for the first 6 years of our relationship I thought he was destined to switch jobs every 2 years. Our new high deductible health insurance plan drains a nice chunk of our change, but you gotta be covered, right? He had his gallbladder removed in August, so that was interesting. Boy, did we ever meet our $4,000 limit, and quick! Between my antidepressants every month, his allergy tests in the summer, and this surgery, we depleted our HSA account.
Overall, he likes his job, and his job seems to like him. I wonder though how he can hold such an important position when he can't remember to stop for milk after work even with a note I've attached to his lunch pail? And he can never seem to find the ketchup in the fridge. But after living with me and my mood swings, you can understand why his brain maybe doesn't function as well as it used to. He is pushing 40, after all, too.
D got his big screen tv, although I haven't conceived yet, and that was the deal. He wanted a tv; I wanted another baby. Damn it that Circuit City doesn't have newborns on the showroom floor. I don't know if it's the anxiety, my insane hormones, or God just being difficult, but this whole baby-making thing needs to be more cut and dry. You do it, you get pregnant, end of story.
N will be 3 in February, which makes my heart ache, especially if I am unable to have anymore kids because she is growing up entirely too quickly. It astounds me that I can love her so much...to the deepest core of my being...and yet have moments of really not wanting to be around her. I cannot reconcile the 2 drastically different feelings, and so I continue to see my therapist regularly.
In general, I don't like being told what to do by a toddler. It is often hard to be polite when she yells at me that I have to turn on the Beauty and the Beast song RIGHT NOW. And on days when she says, "Mom," 3,000 times but then doesn't respond when I answer, I nearly put my head through the wall. I never suspected that having a kid would be this much work...but I guess it feels like work because I'm trying to do a good job. If you ignore your kid and pop 'em in front of the tv all day, it probably doesn't feel like too much of a stretch.
We may be going to DisneyWorld in 2007 but that depends on if D gets a bonus at work, if we get a decent tax return, and if I can figure out how in the hell to plan such a complicated venture on the Disney web site. We're hoping for the best. We've got our tickets to see the Doodlebops in April, so that should be a little slice of heaven right there (at least for 1 of the 3 of us).
Let's hope 2007 is as much of blast as this year has been.
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