Friday, June 7, 2013

Just me (semantic distraction) and my devils/angels

I like it when friends/acquaintances post photos on FB to an extent.  When my feed is nothing but their faces or their kids' faces, my patience weakens and I take to emailing my best friend about it (as if she has nothing better to do at work).

What I very much do not like is the comment that is often tagged onto these photos, which is "Just Me."

I'm not entirely sure why this bugs the heck out of me.

I mean, obviously, the photographs are of just themselves so perhaps it is the redundancy of the caption.  Or maybe it is that there is something pleading about it, something like "Look at me.  Tell me I am lovely or that this is an awesome snapshot."  It is like the FB caption version of the Eric Carmen song, "All By Myself," which is whiny and hokey and "just dumb."

Anyway, the point of this is not really the photos at all.  I'm very badly segueing here.

I don't always like myself.  There is much to dislike.  The moodiness.  The anger that ramps up far too quickly for my taste (and everyone else's).  The inability to relax.   The over-sharing. Blergity blerg......

But I have always been moody.  I've always been obsessive.  I've always been a fidgeter who hates to sit still.  I have always wished I was more reserved.

Will I ever stop wallowing in my faults and weaknesses?
Will I ever fully accept that "If my devils are to leave me, I am afraid my angels will take flight as well," (Rilke)
However much fault I may find in these traits, they are the gateway to some of my best qualities.

Maybe if I didn't fidget I wouldn't be as creative or get as much done in a day.
Maybe if I wasn't obsessive, I wouldn't be as thorough or detail-oriented.
Maybe if I was more reserved, I wouldn't write and share my experience (thereby making other people feel more "normal" about their own experiences and feelings).

This is, as it were, "Just Me."
And it drives me as batty at times as those photos through which I scroll.

No comments: