My science girl project

Tomorrow marks my last day as secretary of my neighborhood homeowners' association, a role in which I have served for 3 years.

As is my way, once I stop doing one thing I usually take on something else.

My "something else" this time is a stint as a GEMS (Girls in Engineering, Math and Science) Club coordinator at N's school.

It is a brief stint---once a month from January-April--but I have been planning and testing experiments for me and 26 third and fourth grade girls to do.

This is what I do instead of watching tv.

It all started last fall, when a friend of mine and I were Facebook chatting about girls in math and science.  She asked if N's school had a GEMS or STEM club.  Soon after, I emailed the Learning Lab teacher, Ms. K, about whether the school had an after-school science club.  I may or may not have also suggested that I would be willing to coordinate one.

Months and many meetings later, we're set to roll this coming Wednesday for our first session.

It has been fun researching experiments for the girls to do without the headache and hassle of "testing" hanging over their heads. So much of current education sucks all the joy and excitement out of the sheer wonder of just LEARNING.  (Although I have to say that the Learning Lab at the kids' school is amazing, as is Ms. K.  G has a serious crush on her.)

Even though I'm not certified in science education, I have always loved science.  A big part of this  GEMS idea is just to help my daughter develop, if not a love of science, then a feeling of interest and accomplishment in getting her hands dirty with science.  A broadening of her horizon.  The benefit of coordinating is that N gets to attend no matter what.  I'd be lying if I said pure self-interest for my child wasn't my primary motivating factor in trying to get this ball rolling.  That darn Adam Smith and his invisible hand.

The other girls who were invited to attend were selected by their teachers.  I wish I could offer it to every student, but I was told that interest in this club, if open to everyone, would more or less knock me over where I stood and be a bigger beast than I'd want to or be able to handle.  

And as much as I want this to be fun for the girls, I also want it to FEEL fun for me so being overwhelmed by students sounds far more stressful than I'd like.

I expect the experiments on tap for this week to fail, which is why my handout to the girls says "Failure is a Part of Science" and I include a quote about Thomas Edison in which he says, "“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

Who needs mass media entertainment when you've got wires, crocodile clips, batteries, voltage meters, lemons and inspiration from Mr. Edison?

My Brownie "husband"

I have never understood the interest in polygamy.  Perhaps my opinion would differ if I had a penis and had the prospect of multiple sex-partners before me.  But as a woman, I just.don't.get.it.

Which is why my Brownie "husband" makes me want to tear my hair out.

My daughter's Brownie troop is very small, and one of the girls lives with her dad.  I have known her family since 2007 when she and N were in preschool together.  The past five years have been ones of turmoil for this girl, although she seems to handle it remarkably well.  Suffice it to say, her mother abruptly left her father and due to a whole slew of soap-opera like circumstances, he has full custody of the kids.

Now I know of plenty of single mothers.  I don't for a minute think these women have it easy, but I also know that women are generally more "with the program" than our male counterparts.  Men can do great things, but given their evolutionary history as hunters, they are simply ill-equipped to handle the multitudinous tasks that a "mom" generally oversees.  Honestly, how many men do I witness in the grocery story calling their wives/girlfriends for assistance?  I don't see this same thing amongst the female shoppers.

I digress.

This dad, I believe, does the best he can given the hand he was dealt.  He tries really hard.  And so I try to be charitable, to help out within the parameters of troop leader as I can because I think he does appreciate it, and I think his daughter needs as much stability and follow-through as she can get.

But it sometimes feels like I have another man to nag (in addition to D) without the benefit of a paycheck being brought home, honey-do things being done, a warm body in bed at night.

Just someone else to text and remind, "Be there at 7:30" or "Be sure to bring the vest."
Someone else to wait on while they are running late.
Someone else to shake my head at and wonder, "Why did he do that???"

The common denominator is me (also titled: I can't keep my mouth shut)

Whenever I hear of someone who has married more than 2 times I think to myself that the "problem" with the marriages is likely the person who has been married the most times---either that person is a pita or that person continues to not learn from his/her mistakes and keeps choosing marriage partners who really aren't well-suited to him or her.

When patterns repeat themselves over and over again, I look for the commonality between the patterns.  

It has just dawned on me that I am now the common denominator.

Lord knows I don't want to rehash all the sh*t that went down with two of my neighborhood friends in 2008. (See minefield and rant)

In both of those situations, I stood up and spoke out for something I believe in....my daughter and common sense.  And in both of those situations, I lost a friend, although the argument could be made that I wasn't truly friends with either of these women.  We were friendly because of a playgroup.  Being a parent sometimes puts you in close contact and "friends" with people you may or may not have been friends with of your own accord.

Moving along to this new situation.....

N has been in a Girl Scout troop since 2009.  I was due to deliver M in October of that year so I knew I wasn't up to leading, co-leading or doing much other than nursing a newborn and trying to keep my sanity intact since G was only two.  For the first year, my MIL took N to her troop meetings.

Once M got bigger and wasn't at my breast constantly, I started taking N to troop meetings, and I offered to help the troop leader as I could.

Over time I began to notice that the girls didn't seem to be working toward patches, and I felt and feel that this is part of the big fun of being a Girl Scout---setting a goal, doing neat activities and earning a patch to put on one's vest or sash.  There were also some issues with follow through---as in plans were discussed or made but nothing was ever actually accomplished.  For example, last summer the girls planted seeds with the intent of doing a community garden, but the troop leader never contacted any of us over the summer about actually planting the plants.  So the seeds sprouted, the plants grew for awhile and then all of us threw them out when they died.

Last year, two of the girls left the troop specifically because their mothers were sick of the disorganization of the troop meetings and that the troop wasn't doing anything to earn patches.  When I saw one of the moms a few weeks after they left at a school function she said, "You all don't know what you are missing.  This troop is so much better."

N very much likes the girls in her troop (one she has known and played with since preschool), so I didn't like the idea of abandoning the troop completely.  But I did ask the troop leader if I could plan some activities for the girls.

Since September I have been planning every single meeting for the troop.  In those few months the girls accomplished more than they did in all the months preceding (back to the late summer of 2009).

But I have been growing increasingly frustrated because when I'd ask how much money was in our account so I could plan some extra activities I was never given an answer.  In September I asked if we had registered the troop because I didn't remember filling out a form; this email got no response.  I felt like it was nearly impossible for me to be in the "know" for planning purposes if I'm not receiving emails about local Girl Scout events or getting answers to my questions.

The clincher came in the past 3 weeks when the troop leader "forgot" about selling Girl Scout cookies.  The girls still have not gotten the order forms---I've been taking orders and writing them on a copy I made of last year's order sheet.

So I called the local Girl Scout office thinking I could just go pick some up to bring to this week's meeting and I was told our troop wasn't registered.  (Despite my email which, to my way of thinking, should have served as a reminder way back in September.)

This is the proverbial straw.

To make a long story short, another troop mom (DV) and I will be trained this weekend with the intention of starting a new troop.

Last night I emailed the current troop leader to ask if I could take over the troop with DV as my co-leader.  In no way do I expect her to go for this, but if all 4 of the girls go to the new troop it leaves the current leader's daughter by herself.  And I think it really sucks for this girl to no longer have a troop just because of adult difficulties.

It sucks that something as innocuous as Girl Scouts can become such a stressful headache.  Such a drama.  It sucks that this has caused me to lose a friendly acquaintance.  She and I were certainly not best friends or even "real" friends, but it doesn't make anyone feel good to know someone wouldn't give them quarter.

This is now 3 burned bridges with me being the common denominator, and I have to wonder....what is it with me????

I know what it is with me....I don't let things go.  I don't back down.  I am too honest.  I always strive to be civil and polite, but I also say what I think.  And I blog, which further pisses off someone who was already pissed off at me (even though I never name names).

When I look back on the "Friendship Fallout of 2008," I don't regret saying or doing anything I did.  It's not in me to just let things go.  If it was, I would not be so well medicated.  I have truly reflected on these events far more than I perhaps should have.  I don't like people to dislike me, to have a bad opinion of me.

But the bigger truth is that I don't want to have a bad opinion of myself.  And sometimes not being honest and not doing what I feel is right and best would lessen my opinion of myself.

So I just deal with the fallout.  Have a few nights of poor sleep.  Blog about it.
And move on.

The "former teacher for 4 years" faux pas

I like to think that I am pretty creative and a generally helpful person.  I recognize that I am more anal than probably a lot of people.  But I may have to add "incredible ass" to my list of personality traits (bite your tongue those of you who say that it is already at the top of my list.)

Yesterday I volunteered in N's class.  I haven't been able to do this much, and I know my time is limited since she is already in 2nd grade and will soon cringe at the notion of me stepping foot within a mile of her school.  

Two other moms were volunteering too, and we were dispatched with creating a new bulletin board.  

Before I left, I asked the teacher if there was anything else she would like me to help her with in general.  With the boys, I cannot volunteer in the classroom more than once a month but I like to do what I can to support all my kids' teachers and schools.  

She had sent home a class newsletter awhile back, and I thought perhaps she might want assistance with it, so I asked if she did.  She asked me if I would handle doing book orders for her.  I told her I'd be happy to.  I then asked her if she'd like for me to make up a new reading log sheet for the class since the current one doesn't have enough room for kids to write the titles when they read for the weekend (which is optional reading but I make N do it anyway).    

Even for a weekday read, the lines are too small for N to fit the titles in, which means she runs over into my signature space.  This sorta drives me bonkers.  

I thought maybe there was another way to go about it that would be easier for the students to write and easier for Mrs. B, as the teacher, to read.  

But after the fact, I realized that I may have come across like a complete......dick, which certainly wasn't my intent.  I was just trying to make something better and be helpful.  

Damn that internal "former 4-years-of-experience teacher who still keeps her certificate up to date and misses the creativity of the classroom but doesn't want a full-time job-yet."  She does not come off well sometimes.  

Adios MOMS Club; Hello HOA

As of June, I will no longer be president of my chapter's MOMS Club, and I am so glad.  Not that it is a hard job; it is most certainly not.  But I am just done being as heavily involved in it as I have been these past 6 years.

The time has come to be involved in something else.

And so I agreed to run for my neighborhood's HOA because I am a sucker for flattery.

At our first board meeting I agreed to be secretary since I just have to attend once a month board meetings and take notes.  While being compliance chairperson sounds like a dream position for me since I walk around the neighborhood with the kids and think, "They need to clip the shoots growing up from the bottom of their tree" and "They need to rehang their shutters because they are all caddywhampus,"  I know I would be completely dictatorial.  And it already pisses me off to see people who don't keep their property neat and clean; it is best that I not have any contact with these folks since I might say something untoward.  Like, "Ah, you are one of those folks with more money than sense..... or perhaps more debt than sense since you live in a home you apparently can't afford to maintain....or perhaps you are just a clueless a**hole."

N's teacher emailed parents about how the school's board of directors needs volunteers, and I briefly thought about that.  Meetings would be during the day so D wouldn't have to watch the kids (which is good since his head nearly implodes at the prospect of watching the kids during the months when I attend bookclub, bunco and board meeting), but I would have to take G and M which would make my participation minimal and, therefore, my attendance pointless.    

Although I have pretty well decided that I will not go back to work full-time while we have children living in our home unless I must in order to put food on our table, I still like to volunteer as a means of padding my resume (because I do intend to work part-time as a substitute teacher within the next 5 years).  Somehow saying "I wiped shit from 3 little people's asses since 2004" doesn't go very far in the employment world.

My volunteerism is also a great thing for my children to witness.  Seeing me take meals to women in the MOMS Club who have had babies or hearing how I volunteered at N's school when I could or knowing that I work to make our neighborhood a nice place to live shows them that I care for things beyond them and beyond myself.  Giving them opportunities to help me is also a good way for them to feel at ease with volunteering. 

Saying no to some things and yes to others--Volume 1

As I've mentioned, I like to stay busy.  I keep my house pretty clean and neat....aside from the zillions of toys covering my family room floor.....but I refuse to clean "clean."

Some people set aside certain days for cleaning certain rooms----Monday is bedroom day, for example.  But over the course of a week, our bedrooms don't get that dirty.  I kinda like to wait until a room really needs it to clean...so that I can truly see the efforts of my work.  In my book, this means bathrooms get a good cleaning at best every 3-4 weeks.  Sometimes they go 5-6 depending on what I have going on.  Irma Bombeck was dead on when she said, "Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling snow when it's still snowing."

Since I'm not a slave to housework, I do volunteer stuff to keep myself busy and my brain occupied when the kids are napping or in bed for the night.  I am glad to be a stay-at-home mom for now, but some of the reason I stay active volunteering is so that when I go back to work down the road I will be able to say I did something other than keep my kids from killing each other and cooking middling dinners for my picky-ass-bunch.  I will have a host of people to call on for references.

Since 2005, I have been president or co-president 3 times of my MOMS Club.  I was VP-Service once.  I was Activities Coordinator once.  I was MOMS Nite Out coordinator once.  I was playgroup coordinator more years than I can recall.  And now I am tired of it.  It is time for others to step up, get involved.  G will start preschool next year; M will start 2 years after that.  I have, at most, 3 more years of MOMS Club in me.

The other night I got a call from our homeowners' association (HOA) president about running for the homeowners' board.  I had sworn NEVER, EVER, EVER to get involved with a homeowners' board again.  In our previous neighborhood, I worked with 2 other people to try to get the dang thing off the ground, and it was a pain in the arse.  It made me hate our neighborhood and want to leave.  Hence the reason we live where we do now.

I really like our neighborhood, and I want to stay here indefinitely.  Pay off the mortgage, get the kids through the local elementary school.  We are halfway between D's mom and my parents.  Perfect situation.

And I don't want to screw with that.

But I do like getting involved.  And I am so over MOMS Club volunteering.  And for the next few years, until M starts preschool, it is just not feasible for me to volunteer as much at N's school as I would like.  So it seemed like maybe being involved with the HOA is a good idea.

I think maybe I was flattered into agreeing....I am highly susceptible to flattery.  Seems I was on at least current board members' shortlists of people to contact about becoming involved.

Maybe they just know a sucka when they see one.

Tune in next time for Volume 2:  How the Eff Did I Get Roped Into Planning My 20th High School Reunion?