A wonderful, awesome, empowering, very good day

This kind of day is altogether different from a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. 

And, truth be told, I don't often get them. Between perimenopause and mood disorder, I feel like most days I'm at 40% "meh" and 60% "fuck this."  

For 4.5 years, I've been at a local high school working with credit recovery students and most of the time, I feel like I'm sticking bandaids on carotid hemorrhages. Foster situations, sky-high absentee rates, high-as-a-kite glazed eyes, lack of motivation, non-native English speaking students who are trying to get through chemistry, reading and math levels lower than what I probably scored in third grade--it's not a place where students feel like masters of their destinies. 

At worst, it gives rings of hell. At best, purgatory. 

Yet I like being there because I do form relationships with students, which is vastly different from a normal substitute teacher situation. Some kids I have shephered since freshman year. One boy stops to chat--he is now a senior---and it will be good to see him cross the finish line in a few months. 

And it is only two days a week so I have breathing room in between. 

Still, many days feel Sisyphean. 

But not Thursday of this week. 

Because on Thursday, two sisters---one of whom never shows and the other who has been sleeping in credit recovery class---showed up after I called and left a message with their mom about not wanting them to fall behind. And both girls were ready to talk to me and ask for help. 

And on Thursday, a teacher I spoke to before school asked if I worked with C, and when I said yes, we came up with a plan for me to help C finish some work so she could pass English from last semester. In class, C did the work eagerly, and it felt like VICTORY. 

Then D, who is real hit or miss on feeling motivated, said, after I told him I would work with him on makeup English work for the aforementioned teacher if he wanted to, "I've got my English work" as I started to walk away. So he knocked out that assignment. 

And W, a mid-year graduate whose completion was delayed because he was shot, worked with me all day to wrap up his stuff so that he can get his diploma. 

Thursday felt like 100% springtime ephemerals blooming, limoncello on Capri, and the perfect light nap on my favorite couch all rolled into one. 

What is "real" learning?

I actually began writing this post back in December and left it partially written because it felt like a bit of a Pandora's box post---one that would open, go everywhere, make a mess and leave me to try to contain it in the limited time I have to write. 

But this morning, my husband shared an article in our local paper about the computer program the school district uses for credit recovery. The article made the program look like a bad idea, and that isn't an incorrect assessment. What it is is an incomplete assessment. So when I came here to write about something else entirely, I thought perhaps I should finish this post up.  

Let me begin by saying that this year G is taking an online physics class using the computer program mentioned in the newspaper article and that doesn't make me happy at all as a concened parent who knows her son will be attending college. If his school doesn't have a physics teacher to teach physics, though, what option does he have to take this class? As I often say, "We don't live in a perfect world, so the options we have aren't perfect." 

Photo by Samuel Bourke on Unsplash

Two days a week for the past several years, I have worked in a high school with students who have failed classes. Some of them are just behind by one or two classes, while others are behind by 8-10 classes. They are given the opportunity to catch up by doing computer classes using the newspaper-mentioned program and being a part of credit recovery, in which they have one or more class periods per day to work on these computer classes.

In order to graduate high school in the state, a student must have a minimum of 22 completed credits (not just attempted; they have to have passed the class with a D or higher). But over the course of a high school career, assuming students take and pass 7 classes a day and each class earns them .5 credits, they will graduate with 28 credits. Potentially, a student could fail six classes, not make up any of them, and still graduate from high school. Of course, the classes that make up these required 22 credits can't all be PE. There are requirements within those 22, such as 4 English classes, 4 math classes, etc. 

The students who end up in credit recovery are a mixed bag. Some of them went to elementary school with my sons and struggled with school in their earliest years. They are socially fine, but intellectually low. There are aspects of high school study they just don't understand because of the way their brains are made. 

I worked with a student last year, and I tried without success to explain Vertical Angles Theorem to her because she had failed geometry. When one method I tried didn't work, I tried a different way. It was utterly exasperating for both of us. This student worked hard and really did try, but geometry simply wasn't something she understood. 

I remember taking geometry in high school and not understanding it, or feeling like I didn't. I passed the class, probably with an A because I was grade conscious obsessive, but I only now, at age 51 and having worked for the past almost four years with students in credit recovery feel like I have a better understanding of Geometry I. Now Geometry II, with inscribed circles and other kinds of nonsense....not so much. 

Some of the students in credit recovery have horrible attendance, and that is the reason they fail classes. A student turned up the other day who had missed 80 days of school. He simply cannot make that up. As a general rule, schools don't have enough space to keep putting kids who miss school into classes semester and semester. They will age out before they actually graduate. 

Some of the students in credit recovery are ELL (English language learners). I have numerous students who I have to communicate with using Google Translate. I am a good teacher, but I cannot explain geometry using Google Translate without it taking exorbitant amounts of time away from other students who I need to assist. So I'm left with "Do I help 6+ English-fluent students with 12 of their classes or 1 ELL student with 1 class?" 

Some of the students in credit recovery have zero motivation. They might be poor readers, and that may impact their motivation, but some of them do not care. That doesn't mean they will always not care. Some of them are just really immature. Some of them lack motivation because they are foster kids, neglected kids. Some of them are in the early stages of drug addiction that they will pursue with greater ferocity once they are out of their parents' homes. Some of them have untreated ADHD or depression or anxiety and self-medicate with drugs. 

None of them, one on one, is a bad kid. 

I know that what I do is a band-aid for a diagnosis of partially severed arm. 

But we do not live in a perfect world, do we?

Classroom teachers lament credit recovery, and I can't blame them. But I also know that many of the same teachers have repeatedly high numbers of failures who end up in credit recovery, and one has to ask why. Is there anything that could be done differently within those classrooms and among those teachers to help keep students from needing credit recovery to begin with?

Some teachers lament credit recovery on principle; they don't actually teach most of the kids who end up in credit recovery, but they have an opinion anyway (which is fine; everyone is entitled to theirs). Often, these are the same teachers who think it is unfair for schools to give so much attention to at-risk students. What they fail to recognize is how unfair it is that so many of the kids who do well in school come from upper middle class, secure families to begin with. I tell my children regularly that they have a responsibility to do well because they have been given so much that they haven't actually earned. Their grandparents and parents have laid a foundation that they are benefitting from.

Some teachers say, "What does a diploma even mean if they aren't really learning anything?" and I think the follow-up questions to this are things like: "What is real learning?" Does an "A" or a "B" mean a kid has learned something that they are going to retain? Does an "A" really mean a child has mastered the concept?"

We often have nostalgia for times past, as if the same problems that plague us today aren't mostly identical to the ones from decades ago.  You cannot tell me that there weren't kids in high school in the 1960s, 70s, and 80s who somehow earned diplomas who didn't do jack. (I often suspect that these are the same people who regularly comment on social media about how crappy the district is and how easy it is to be smarter than a fifth grader.) 

If real learning was measured by someone's ability to explain it to another person, would any of us pass high school, either in the past when we actually graduated or now? 

I am a cog in the machine and cannot make any change to the system, but I strive to make the miniscule changes I can in whatever way I can the two days a week that I work with credit recovery students. 

Yes, the students I work with use the computer program, but I explain the FOIL method of multiplying binomials, and I give them hints about multiple choice questions (watch out for "all" and "never"), and I explain Punnett squares and I try to use the face-time I have with them to teach them something because I know, probably better than anyone, how much more and better could be done. 

Stupid English reading selection rules

The other day I completely lost my shit when M, who is in 7th grade, came home and told me he can't read Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card because it has a movie based on it. 

Ender's Game is a book that one of my former students when I taught 6th grade full-time recommended TO ME. He loved it. And so I read it and I loved it. And I've taught it because if a book is so good it makes a sixth grade boy tell his English teacher how much he adores it, then that says A LOT. 

I understand the rationale for teachers saying kids can't read books that have movies based on them. Some students will just watch the movie and not read the book. If it is a book that has an extensive film catalog like Harry Potter, I get it. 

But I also think this decision can mean that students don't get to self-select books that they are really interested in reading. Which begs the question: Why are we asking kids to read independently and self-select if we don't allow them to read what they want?

If books based on films was the only parameter, I might not have an issue, but these are the other "rules" for self-selected books in M's class:

• No graphic novels
• No books under 200 pages

When combined---over 200 pages, no graphic novels, no movies based on them---these rules are just plain dumb. 

First, graphic novels. 

Some kids love graphic novels and rather than disallowing them IN TOTAL, there could be limits set, such as "only 1 graphic novel selection per semester or per project." There are some really great graphic novels. Maybe a kid who would never in their lives read a 320 page book, will read a graphic novel based on that book and still get a great story.

For example, Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite authors. His book, The Graveyard Book, is 320 pages. But there is also a graphic novel that is in two parts. Same author, same story, different format. Some kids would NEVER pick up and read a 320 page chapter book but they will read two graphic novels that clock in at 368 pages. 

And by reading a graphic novel, this gives some interesting topics students can discuss, such as how do the visual images impact their reading and what particular words are illustrated to really emphasize their importance to the story and what would they have chosen to illustrate differently?

The length of a book is also big sticking point for me. 

Yes, maybe kids should have to read longer novels to practice stamina, but this should be done in the classroom where a teacher can monitor and help develop skills. (And honestly, with so much MAP testing and state testing being done on our kids, our testing really promotes SHORT reading, so we're being pretty disingenuous here.)

Whether we like it or not, our collective attention spans are much shorter these days. Even I, who don't usually mind a 350 page book, find that I sometimes tire of an author who can't say things a little more succinctly. Life is short, and I don't know that I need 1,000 pages of exposition. 

G is having to do independent reading assignments, and he is definitely not going to go for long-ass books. He is a good reader, but I don't think he is a fast reader, and kids have to finish their books in 6 weeks. The parameters his teacher set for his assignments are MUCH better and flexible, which I really appreciate.

He can read 1 graphic novel for the year and then can pick a Pulitzer Prize-winning book, a Nobel Prize author, a book with a color in its title, a book published the year you were born, a book on the Kentucky Bluegrass Awards list, etc. There are no page count requirements nor movie limitations.

To help him out, I went down and selected a ton of books from my shelves he can choose from that are relatively short. 

He read Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, which is a whopping 107 pages.

He is going to read The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison next. That only only just barely makes the 200 page requirement. 

And I can list a lot of other books under 200 pages that are exemplary, such as 

Night by Elie Wiesel

Animal Farm by George Orwell

The Awakening by Kate Chopin

Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Expury

Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

I'll stop there. 

But back to M's situation.

Earlier in the year, the teacher assigned some independent reading and summarizing but didn't assign it to the point of completion. M began reading Dragonwings but didn't complete it because I think the assignment just fizzled (and that happens in classrooms sometimes). I suggested he finish it for this project but he didn't think he could do that. He started reading Ender's Game and then found out about the movie thing (which wasn't on the info sheet). 

I normally don't do this, but I did email the teacher and ask for what amounts to an educational dispensation so M can either 1. finish Dragonwings or 2. do Ender's Game. 

Getting kids to want to read is hard enough without making it even more cumbersome. 

Graduation letter

Dear N,

Tomorrow is your commencement. I think it is kind of interesting that we call them that because so often people get weighed down by the ending of things when it comes to high school graduation. Parents, especially, feel sad and sentimental seeing their children reach this milestone. But to commence is to begin, and in all the important ways, your life is just now beginning. 

My memory is pretty poor in general, but I remember feeling excited and terrified when I graduated from high school. There were so many decisions before me: What was I going to be? What was I going to do? So many big potential life events on the horizon---Maybe marriage one day? Maybe kids one day? Gainful employment? A house and furniture and adulting?

You are embarking on a time of figuring stuff out, and you will be doing that for the rest of your life. It is a long lifetime road of not knowing what the fuck you're doing, but that is ok because no one else knows what the fuck they're doing either. Your dad and I certainly don't know what we're doing as we navigate having a legal adult in the house who is also our child. Some people hide their not knowing better than others but, trust me, this is the human condition. 

For about the next ten years, you're going to be in a state of confusion and discomfort if you're anything like most people (or maybe just me). As a new 18-year-old, you are really in the wormy stage of adulthood babyhood; you've barely got your eyes open and you haven't figured out what your hands are for. Your twenties are exciting and new and mind-blowing and weird; it's like the later babyhood and toddlerhood of adulthood. You learn to belly-scoot, then crawl, then Frankenstein-monster walk. In your thirties, you'll run. In your forties, you'll run and give the finger to anyone who looks at your cross-eyed because you don't care what they think anymore. I'll update you on the fifties once I get there. 

All commencements come with advice so here is some of mine:

1--Go to therapy sooner rather than later should you ever feel you need it. It can be extremely helpful to have a totally objective person help you deal with things without the baggage that friends and family bring. A strong person knows when they need help and seeks it out. 

2--Don't assume you know the answer; instead ask questions. Your brilliant mom made some big assumptions in college without seeking answers from people who knew more than I did. While I am happy with the life I have, I often wonder if my trajectory would have been different had I not assumed but asked. 

3--Don't worry about people who peak now or in college or at anytime that is different than you. And truly, what does peaking mean anyway? A girl you were in playgroup with as a toddler is the youngest American woman to climb Mount Everest which is amazing, but do you want to climb mountains? Some people do big, huge things in the world, like Alexander the Great, and are remembered in history books. The rest, the other 99.9%, live their lives quietly. Henry David Thoreau said "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation," and I think that is probably true. The goal, I suppose, is to avoid a life of desperation but quiet isn't so bad. 

4--Henry David Thoreau also said, "I have lived some thirty years on this planet, and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors." And that is another piece of my advice to you: Ignore my advice if it seems irrelevant or like bullshit. Do what you want and don't worry too much about what anyone else thinks.  I can't live your life. I'm not you. You have an entirely different experience from me so be truest to yourself and live by your values. Do no harm to yourself or others if you can help it. 

5--DO NOT throw away your retainer. Seriously, despite what Henry David said, this advice should be heeded. Your middle-aged mouth will be glad you listened to your mom. 

Tomorrow you'll wear your cords and your stole and it will feel like the most important thing you've done. And it is. For now. But this, my dear, is truly only the beginning.

Love,

Mom

A teacher drama that has lasted all year

I think the vast majority of teachers do great work--they are dedicated and committed and possibly even a little bit crazy to put so much of themselves into their profession. 

(I say this as someone who, 18 years after leaving the classroom full-time, has not gotten to a point where I feel I can dedicate myself to it in any way, shape, or form the way I did before my children entered my life). 

And perhaps, like so many teachers, this particular teacher who is driving me nuts has just had a fucked up last two years, and his motivation has tanked. Who could blame him?

But for the sake of argument, let's assume I have a case for really not thinking this teacher knows what's up. 

The first time I emailed this teacher was on August 25 when both boys had him for related arts. This was approximately 10 days after school began and both boys had a slew of zeroes. 

I'm like, "How can they possibly be fucking up this badly this soon?

So I emailed the teacher to see what was going on. 

He replied that he had just entered asignments into IC. Unfortunately, he entered in zeroes for everything instead of just entering assignments (which you can totally do; you don't have to put a score at all to hold places for assignments. The kids' other teachers do it all the time without entering any score). 

The second time I emailed this teacher was in late September when M got COVID. 

M got a 25/50 on an assignment. Here is what I emailed the teacher:

I saw that M got a 25/50 on a resume assignment. Since he has COVID and had to quarantine 4 days last week (and won't be back until October 4), I wanted to ask what he misunderstood about the assignment. I looked at the instructions on Google Classroom and didn't see where it said he needed to do two resumes. 

The teacher said he had reviewed the requirements in class and that he could go over it again with M when he returned.

I had issues with this because 

1. M had missed 4 days of school that week and was going to be out for another week (at least) due to being positive for COVID. I didn't know what day the teacher went over this in class; if it was Tuesday-Friday, M wasn't there. Also, by the time M got back to school, this assignment was going to feel like ancient history.

2. The teacher said, ""I wrote a list out of requirements and told students to write something in each category, " but the teacher didn't post this on Google Classroom (or even take a picture of what he wrote on the board). This was early in the year when every kid was missing days for quarantining/contract tracing. I couldn't help but think that not only was M missing stuff; so was every kid who was out. 

October was quiet, but I emailed the teacher again in November when M was given a "C" for a final grade. 

My problem wasn't that he got a C; my problem was that his grades were an 83.33 and a 99.07 (for mastery and progression). There was no conceivable way those averaged together would end up as a C. 

When I emailed the teacher and asked him why M got a C, the teacher replied "You're right; M didn't deserve that." 

I didn't like this language. M should get what he earned. The teacher using that phrasing made me wonder if he was just handing out arbitrary grades. (This came after this teacher was suddenly gone from the school and didn't return until like 3 weeks ago. I assume some kind of internal investigation of some kind happened.)

And then G, whose grades were a 100% and a 99.07%, was given a B by this teacher. 

It was at this point that I emailed the counselors and said something along the lines of WTF?

Unfortunately, G was placed in this teacher's class again this grading period, even though he already took this related arts class earlier this year. He didn't like this teacher before because of all the grading stuff (and he just thinks the teacher is a jerk), and having him again is not a good thing.

G took a test in the class and didn't finish it. Because the test was on Google Forms, if you haven't answered all the required questions you can't submit it. G didn't submit it which was stupid, and he has been informed in a gentle way that it was stupid. When I asked G why he didn't tell the teacher that he wasn't finished, he said, "It wouldn't have mattered." 

Did I mention G thinks the teacher is a jerk and is really over being in this class?

(Having spoken with this teacher in person this week, I can attest that he totally threw shade on G. This is the first time ever that a teacher has thrown shade on G. I'm not saying it isn't deserved. What I'm saying is that G may take after his mother and not suffer bullshit without letting someone know that they don't have a lot of patience with it. G isn't an outright dick; he's just not being especially friendly.)

Then G was doing some online assignments and was scoring 50s and 70s on things. He says the teacher told students if they get a green check, they get a 100 percent. The teacher told me something different when I went in for a conference this week. I watched G do two of the modules to see if there is a quiz of some kind and shows them exactly what they scored on it. For these two modules at least, there was NOTHING of the kind. I have no idea why he got a ten points higher on one than the other, nor does he. 

It was already established in November that I couldn't trust this teacher, but I can't trust G because he has a jaded attitude. 

G has gotten "the lecture" that he has to do everything to the absolute best of his ability because if G screws up, the teacher can say it is G's fault. And based on my experience with this teacher this year, I'm not 100 percent sure that it is. 

I'm feeling really obnoxious about this subbing job, and I don't know why

Most of the time, because of my cottage school job, I am unable to take long-term subbing positions. The only time I am able to do so is between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The school I taught at full-time many, many years ago, however, has allowed me to do some wonky long-term subbing jobs, allowing me to do 3 days a week or 4-days a week for a short period of time. 

I think this is my 4th long-term subbing job; of those four, I have loved one, been okay with another, and disliked two. 

The current one I am disliking, and I don't know why, and I feel like a shit for it. I think this is a situation that is, to borrow the dating breakup adage, not about "them" and more about "me." 

I keep telling myself that the important thing is that I'm 1. showing up and 2. doing the best job I can while I'm there, regardless of how I feel about it. 

This school year, I think that is about the best anyone is going to get from me. 

Teachers are completely overwhelmed, and I say this having been in a classroom for 7 days thus far and having at least two days in which a teacher is out and a sub isn't available and every other teacher is having to pick up the slack (and yes, this involves putting extra kids in classes which is the worst possible thing when there is a pandemic and the goal is to keep kids further apart). 

When I say this, it is not in any way an indictment of the absent teachers. Even without COVID, teachers get sick and need surgery (the reason I'm subbing for someone) and have deaths in the family and have other issues with which they need to deal (like sick kids or needing to provide care to older parents or whatever). In seven days, I've already seen and listened to a teacher cry because she is at the end of her rope. 

This year because of masks (a necessity, in my opinion, if we don't want kids to miss even more school than they've already missed) and just the nonstop stress of variants and testing and every possible plan being spoiled because of COVID, everything feels harder and heavier than it normally would. Long-term stress has immediate but also cumulative effects. 

Even if 90 percent of the kids are great, the 10 percent who are awful (whether because of their personalities or poverty or trauma or lax parents or whatever their situation is) feel even more unwieldy during COVID. I have less tolerance than I've ever had before. Or maybe it is because I'm 48 and just fucking tired. 

I don't have any grand solutions. We probably could fix these problems, but we don't want to spend the money. Because some of these kids need one-on-one care; maybe two-on-one if we're being hopeful. And there are some students who simply might not be fixable. There is a certain amount of damage that cannot be undone. 

Maybe because I'm so tired of the stress of the past 20 months, I'm less willing to be forgiving and empathetic.

On Friday, when we did MAP testing, I noted that 10 percent of the students in that room refused to do the test. One was removed and two slept. 

In the before times, I would be more concerned with the 10 percent and trying to meet their needs. In these times, I'm simply angry that the 90 percent has to put up the with 10 percent who don't care and don't want to do the least bit of anything to make their school experience better. 

It feels too much like the ding-dongs who don't take COVID seriously which is why this thing is lingering on and on. 

And I don't like feeling that way. It is a callousness I don't relish. 

The school choice SAGA continues AND can schools PUHLEASE think of better questions for admitting kids?

Item #1 on today's blog agenda is my comment that despite folks lamenting how much our district needs and wants kids to attend their "neighborhood schools," they lie.

They "say" they want neighborhood schools, and then they bend over backwards into something out of the Kama Sutra to get their kids into any school but their kids' neighborhood school. 

They say, "We want neighborhood schools!!!" 

They mean, "We want neighborhood schools.....except for my child."

These parents say crappy stuff about their neighborhood school whether they have stepped foot in said school. And some teachers, YES, teachers, contribute to this nonsense by telling students and parents that some schools are better than others. And some of those teachers I'm almost certain have never set foot in some of these schools that they denigrate. 

And then the kids believe all they hear so that they have ZERO desire to attend their neighborhood school which leaves parents who are totally ok with their kids attending their neighborhood school (ME) being forced into navigating applications and all the other shit that goes along with choosing high schools. 

The paper that one diploma from the "best" school is printed on in our district is EXACTLY the FUCKING SAME as the paper from the "worst" school. 

Yes, you have arrived at Carrie's blog, V2: My kid doesn't want to attend his resides school. 

His reasoning is this:

1--I don't want to attend my resides high school. (He doesn't know why, although I would say it has something to do with all the junk parents and their kids and sometimes teachers says.)

2--He wants to go where there is a computer program. (Ok, that I can understand.)

3--He wants to go where his friends are applying. (Same thing his sister did even thought she ended up not even having classes with any of those friends like all four years but whatever.)

Since I'm been through this rodeo, despite how much it bugs the shit out of me, I'm like, "I don't have the energy for this crap a second time. Apply where you want, but I'm not driving your ass anywhere."

Item #2 on today's blog agenda is why do the applications ask questions that are so heavily focused on the extroverted among the population? 

Like "Describe 3 groups or extracurriculars you have been involved in."

Which is bunk because 13 months of those three years of middle school were spent doing NTI when no one could be involved in ANYTHING. And do they want to hear about what he did when he took swimming lessons at the Y when he was two???

But also, my middle kid isn't interested in being super involved person. (He is very, very, very much like my husband who has zero interest in involvement with most of the human race.) 

He is never going to join spirit club (unless he is interested in someone romantically who bends his arm to go to spirit club.) He is never going to join a sports team (and for that I say, THANK YOU, JESUS!)

I have grown into my introversion; I didn't always use to be like this. For many, many years, I was a good-time girl (although not a drunk, orgy-involved good time girl.) I like to go out and do things. 

But I firmly believe since becoming medicated and going through therapy that my constant busyness was to quiet my mind. Keeping myself busy meant I didn't have to deal with my thoughts and my anxiety (and I think this is why a lot of people have glorified busyness...so they don't have to deal with what is going on inside themselves because it is painful and scary.)

Why can't these application questions ask things like:

"Do you think it is more important to be a leader or a follower or is there a need for both? Explain? (Because by god, we can't all be leaders. And sometimes leaders need to sit their asses down and let other people do things.)

Do you consider yourself a person who gets their energy from people or from being by yourself? Explain. (Because this asks kids to consider some pretty important self-reflection prior to high school.)

I don't know if Albert Einstein actually said this, but there is a quote attributed to him that I like, especially since he was Albert fucking Einstein. And who cares whether Albert liked to go out partying with friends? He had a brilliant mind and some of that came from taking the quiet time required to think. 

"Although I am a typical loner in my daily life, my awareness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice has prevented me from feelings of isolation.”

We have such a joiner, chatty, involved mindset that we don't even understand that our questions leave out entire segments of students who may have lots of insightful things to offer but we ignore that they could even be parts of the equation. 

Adjustment to online school during COVID (and what school is and isn't)

Before the district made the decision to go to full online school, I had asked N how she felt about the possibility of going to school in-person.

As the oldest and most social of my children, I felt like she would be the one most impacted by being at home. 

Her response surprised me.

She said she didn't trust fellow students to make smart choices for themselves and others and that going to school in person would cause her anxiety.

I had determined that if the district went back in person I was going to have my kids do online work and resign as a sub. 

Things for these first days have been somewhere between alright and crappy, depending on the moment, which I think sums up the entirety of 2020. 

It's not fantastic; it's not knocking anyone's socks off, but we're hanging in. 

If nothing else, the kids have a routine again.

And there ARE positives to this online school thing, such as not having middle and high school students wake up at 5:30 in the morning in order to be at school by 7:20. 

I'm enjoying not driving all over creation all the time.

I'm glad my kids are not having to do the reams of waiting that is just part of in-school school. Waiting in the gym before they can go to their classes in the morning. Waiting for announcements to begin. Waiting to line up and then waiting in line for the doofuses to get in line or stop talking. Waiting in line at the bathroom. Waiting in line in the cafeteria. Waiting at the end of the day after they've gotten their stuff ready. (I don't think most parents have any clue how much time in school is spent not doing "learning" as they envision it.)

And that's not all the waiting. There is also the waiting that kids do whether they pick up things quickly, in which case they finish up and are told to "read to themselves" which is also known as "waiting." The kids who don't pick up things quickly have to wait for the teacher to move on from another student that needs individual attention.

I'm not saying this to suggest in-school school is bad. What I'm saying is in-school school is imperfect. And just like when someone is deceased (which in a way is what COVID has done to in-person school), many people are making in-person school out to be the GOAT. We've now endowed sainthood on something that really didn't deserve it; we only act this way because we don't have it now. 

I have modified some of my expectations about things I want my kids to know and do mostly because I'm becoming very good at asking the question, "WHO DECIDED?"

Like "Who decided that it is the failing of civilization if kids don't learn cursive, and why am I allowing myself to think this is the case?"

So I'm having the boys practice their full legal names because, really, this is all they will ever need to sign in most cases. 

And if they decide to become scholars of primary source material they will be motivated on their own to figure it out. 

I think COVID can be an opportunity to parents, students, and really, anyone, to have the opportunity to ask "Who decided?" about a lot of things.

Myopia that has nothing to do with eyesight

I am near-sighted in one eye and far-sighted in the other eye.

I like to think this is a reflection of my personality, too, because I try to see both sides.

That doesn't mean I agree with both sides, but I try to understand where people are coming from.

I understand the desire and need parents have to send their kids back to in-person school.

I understand the feeling that one's kid(s) is doing nothing except playing video games right now in the summer so the idea of doing more screen stuff for the foreseeable future as "school" is not appealing. 

But I have to laugh at the notion that kids, suddenly, now during the pandemic, are for the first time in their lives going to bed at all hours of the night and not keeping a normal schedule.

There is a global pandemic.

Everything, for lack of a better term, sucks. 

But while the pandemic is making things suck more for a lot more people, it doesn't mean that school and everything "normal" made life right as rain before.

And if we suddenly go back to school in person that children's lives will once again be precious and special and whole.

In-person school caused an awful lot of kids stress, for one, whether that stress was teacher-induced or getting up early-induced or not understanding school work-induced. 

And I knew PLENTY of kids who would stay up all hours of the night playing video games and then come to school the next day. 

Just because they were in-person in a school building did not mean they were getting anything like an education. 

They were checked as physically present, but they were emotionally and intellectually not on the premises.

There were many times that I watched students do absolutely nothing. 

Yes, that was with me, a sub. 

But I know from their teachers that they still did nothing. 

EVEN WHEN THEY WERE IN THE FREAKING BUILDING.

They would sit and not work, even with their teachers. 

One teacher I know said one of her classes would get maybe, if she was lucky, 2 days of work in a 5-day period because they just played around and had no interest. 

So I do get my panties in a bunch when adults act like kids were a-ok before pandemic but now are suffering depression and anxiety because they aren't at school.

That appears to be correlation, not causation.

Maybe they are depressed and anxious because there is a GLOBAL FUCKING PANDEMIC.

AND THE ECONOMY IS IN TATTERS BECAUSE THE US, especially, HAS ACTED LIKE WE CAN JUST GO ABOUT OUR BUSINESS AND KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON. 

I'm not sure sending them back to school in a building with its public health rules and the potential for quarantine when someone turns up COVID-positive after two days in the building (hello Charlestown HS) is gonna reduce that anxiety/depression.

For all we know, it could make it worse.

And by saying all this, I'm not suggesting that the kids who stayed up all night and played video games and were just zombies in the building was alright. 

I didn't like it, and it's not right, and I know there are ways to resolve it with enough funding and enough work and making class sizes WAY, WAY smaller than 30 kids or even 15 kids in a class. 

But it is super pollyanna-ish to act like putting bodies in a building is going to make life normal.

The pandemic plus-side (and there are some)

I am a progressive person.
I believe in improvement and making things better and enacting quick change if necessary to make improvements happen.

I do not believe that "things were better" in the past.
If they were so great, why did we strive to get to where we are now?
We only think things were better back when because we aren't living back then.

I sometimes fall into this, especially when I see how much time my kids are spending online since we are not doing much because of COVID. 

When I find myself doing this, however, I try to whisk myself back in time and maybe even do a little Google research.

Sometimes I only need to go back to my own childhood, when my mother thought me watching MTV for hours on end would lead to the atrophying of my brain. 

(Actually, she and my dad wouldn't get cable so I would go to my friends' houses and watch MTV there for hours on end. And she always wondered why I never wanted to invite friends to my house.)

And yet, here I am, with a master's degree and having read 68 books so far in 2020. 

Or I go back to the late 1800s when children my son's ages were working in factories under horrific conditions. 

Or working all day long on a farm doing back-breaking work. 

Or I think to children in other countries who are working in cobalt mines under horrific conditions like right now, in the year 2020. 

Last week I participated in an online lecture about tuberculosis, and I would not want to go back to when TB was epidemic.

Or polio was a thing.

Or smallpox was a thing. 

It is with this in mind, this movement forward and not focusing on what the past was like, that I look at non-traditional instruction for 6 weeks  (the rest of the year cause I know these fools going to pool parties and keggers are not gonna help the virus go away.)

There can be some real positives from online school for my kids such as N being able to work more and earn money to put toward car insurance or car purchase or college expenses. Or G not having to be around other dumb-ass middle schoolers all day (because he doesn't love middle schoolers even though he is one.) Or us being able to do some weekend trips around the state because we have greater flexibility. 

N actually read more books during the spring NTI than she normally does when she is at actual in-person school, and that isn't a bad thing. 

We all aren't running in 15 different directions all the time, which isn't a bad thing. 

NTI means families don't have to buy new uniforms or clothes or shoes or backpacks or lunchboxes or folders and pencils and all that other stuff. 

NTI means some people are finding more time to exercise since they aren't having to drive kids to and from school. 

NTI means kids are maybe having to be adaptable and flexible in ways they haven't had to be. 

And maybe, ultimately, that will be ok and even beneficial for them over the long-term. 

(I have to bite my tongue every time I see a parent comment about their kids potentially not having a prom or a ring ceremony because this historic pandemic event is the time to make things different which will be a f*ck load more memorable than say my own senior prom, in which I desperately wished while.I.was.actually.there that I wasn't there with my longterm boyfriend at the time who I wanted to break up with but didn't until I got into college.)

I mean, at 46 years of age, if my prom or ring ceremony or graduation actually mattered, I WOULD NEED TO BE SEEING A COUNSELOR. 

I think parents are getting way hung up on a lot of the things that I just don't know that they need to be getting so hung up on right now. 

(I also just finished reading The Poisonwood Bible, and if that novel doesn't make you look at American excess and convenience with a more critical eye, then something is the matter with you.)

Of course, I say all of this fully understanding that I am the people who benefit from American excess and convenience, from an upper-middle-class perspective and part-time employment that allows me tremendous flexibility to assist kids with schoolwork while still doing my stuff. 

That doesn't mean NTI in the spring was always fun or seamless, but it got done. 

And I do think school districts need to think very much outside the box to help kids who don't have home support or who are below grade-level. 

NTI could be an opportunity to micro-focus on the kids who aren't at grade level, perhaps. 

I never consider myself an optimist, and I certainly don't now (especially as it concerns how we're dealing with COVID), but I do think in every situation, there can be positives even in the midst of negatives. 

The best of potentially horrible choices

I don't love online school as a teacher or as a parent, but I think it is the best of many bad options especially for my kids' school district which is about 96,000 kids big.

I think smaller schools can probably more safely manage COVID precautions (although I think the same thing I talk about below can and will happen to them especially since COVID rates are going up).

Let me flesh out what I briefly alluded to in my prior post about N's field hockey team the other day.

A young person went to a Younglife (this is apparently a religious thing) event.
That teenager was waiting on COVID test results.

Yes--that teen and/or that teen's parents thought it was an a-ok idea to go to a public function while waiting on a COVID test.
I think that is called "doing a Rand Paul."

That young person got a positive result the next day, which means every other kid who attended that event is now COVID-exposed, whether they were right up in this kid's face or all the way across the outside area where the event took place, whether they wore masks or not.
COVID exposure can mean nothing serious or everything serious because you just don't know what people's actions are unless you see them with your own eyes.
(And even then, we have under a year's worth of knowledge about this virus so we are flying blind most of the time.)

As I understand it, some of the friends of the 4-5 field hockey girls who attended the event (but did not attend field hockey conditioning) now have to get tested and quarantine because they socialize outside of field hockey and some of them work at a nursing home.
They have to now act out of an abundance of caution because one person made the call to attend a public event while waiting on COVID results.

As far as I'm concerned, if my kids went back to school in person, I would be spending a sizable portion of my time taking them for COVID tests.
And I imagine they would also be having to do much of their school work online anyway because if they got a COVID test, I would then have to quarantine them until we got the results back.
Which means a whole lot of stopping and starting.
Which is EXACTLY the worst thing for the first weeks of school.
It takes most kids like 6 weeks to even get into any kind of routine at the start of the year.

And if the district ultimately decided to do in-person school, kids' educational time would be sacrificed even if they are in the building. 

Because...

--how much waiting time will there be to get temperature checks? If there are 300 kids in a building (lowball figure; my son's elementary has 700 kids; my daughter's high school has 1,400), how long will that take? If there are even half as many kids who opt for in-person school, how long will it take to record temps on 150 kids? Do we line all these kids up 6 feet apart? Where do we line them up? If it is raining, we can't do outside. What do we do with the kids who have fevers? (Since by being in line, they may have already exposed other students?)

(Also, temperature checks don't mean anything, even though every place keeps taking them simply to rule out the people who flagrantly violate the rules and go someplace with a fever.)

--how much waiting time will there be to move students from one area of the building (front door or bus drop off spot) to wherever they are supposed to be in the building? They can't follow social distancing and move kids all at once. How long will kids have to wait in the gym or multi-purpose room while teachers move groups of 5 or 10 kids throughout the building?

--how much waiting time will there be to do restroom breaks? Will there be monitors to do that or will teachers have to stop teaching to monitor? What are the kids doing who are just sitting there? A regular bathroom break takes a minimum of 10 minutes numerous times a day.

--how much waiting time will there be to do lunch? Do cafeteria staff bring it to rooms? What about kids who bring their lunches? Can they go in the halls to lockers to get them? How many can go at once? Then there will be clean-up time in classrooms which will be slower and longer since only a few kids can dispose of stuff to not violate the distancing guidelines.

--how much waiting time will there be to move teachers from one room to another? Kids likely won't be able to change classrooms so teachers will move, which will mean waiting time for kids in classes as they wait for a teacher to come in because they can't be left unsupervised.

--how much waiting time will there be to have kids go to lockers for books? Do they go to lockers? What will teaching kids to use their lockers in middle school be with masks and social distancing? Most kids share lockers. Can that happen now?

--how much waiting time will there be to go outside for recess? Again, there is that movement issue because traveling in a class of 30 kids will not happen. Who cleans the equipment between recesses? Is there wait time for that?

The point here is that the normal "wait" time of school will be magnified to a degree that most parents can't even wrap their heads around because they may not have a clue how long the normal administrative and movement stuff takes on a regular day when there isn't a pandemic.

In-person school will mean parents have an awful lot of stopping and starting work because they have to take their kids to get COVID tests.
And likely have to have them re-tested to prove they are COVID-negative.

In districts like ours that are huge, going back in-person would either require tremendous outlays of money for masks, staff, sanitation, etc or it would require significant outlays of money to use rooms/buildings differently to reduce class sizes by a third (at least).

Our district is a behemoth and something that size can't pivot without a lot of expense and time, which we don't have if we expect our kids to learn something this year.

The unexpected learning during pandemic

As I mentioned, I'm keeping low, low expectations during this non-traditional instruction experience.

N is at the end of sophomore year and is pretty self-motivated, so I'm just letting her do her thing.

G and M need more hand-holding--M because he is 10, and G because he is G.

But I discovered last night that they are learning even in the midst of what might be considered "not-real-learning."

On Tuesday in the morning, G did his social studies assignment, which was short and about ancient Greece and city-states.

At night, while I read to the boys, they lie on the floor and smack inflatable globe balls I have (which I purchased for VBS last summer) around their room while I read aloud.

G asked, "Where is Greece?"

So I explained that he should look north from the top of Africa and maybe over to the left a bit. He found it and then asked where Athens was. It was at this point that he handed me the ball. I was able to show him Athens in relation to the islands to the east of Athens in the Aegean Sea.

I used this opportunity to ask him to find Bari, Italy on the ball, which is the site where D and I took an overnight ferry ride to Athens when he and I visited in 2001.

Shortly after, when I was back to reading our book of the moment, Akata Warrior by Nnedi Okorafor, G said, "I found Lagos," which is the city that the protagonist is currently in.

I was pleasantly surprised to see G learning even when he isn't in school for 7 hours a day. 

OCD really likes a pandemic / Thank goodness NTI has begun

G started his exposure-response therapy in December, and he had made significant improvements, but the COVID-19 pandemic has sorta thrown a wrench in that...as it has thrown a wrench in everything.

Everything has been thrown into disarray---
the routine,
the schedule,
the normalcy.

And if there is one thing OCD really, really likes, it is boredom.
Boredom means that OCD has an easier time breaking through.
There isn't enough to distract from the anxiety.

And so if you're my kid, you regress a bit, which is frustrating for you and for your family, who has seen you improve so much over the last few months.

We're doing telehealth appointments with his doctor, and I'm hoping non-traditional instruction provides him some structure that helps him level back out.

Speaking of NTI, it began today, and let me tell you, we are not gonna set the world on fire now or anytime.

But that's ok.

You know how you think that if you had all the chocolate cake you wanted to eat, you would eat it all the time.

But you wouldn't.

You'd eat it for a few meals and then quickly realize that having too much cake makes you feel sluggish and sick.

That's what all this free time has been.

It helps tremendously to have a little bit of structure back into our days.

We don't have to have our lives planned down to every second, which is how normal life often feels, but today feels like a gift to have something to be accountable for to someone who does not live within these walls.

Perfect information and risk

I find that I use my economics background from undergrad an awful lot as an adult.

Of course, it's not like I'm reviewing my papers and tests about tort remedies, but I think the mindset that economics promotes is a very good thing.

For example, in my decision to forego teaching full-time 16 years ago 1, I definitely considered the opportunity costs of working; what I would be giving up if I worked full-time.
Regardless of what decision a person makes, there is always a cost.

I considered the tangible benefits/costs (more income versus more childcare expenses and fewer savings) and the intangible benefits/costs (memories with my children versus professional neglect).

A lot of times we think about costs only in terms of money, but there are lots of costs.
You know the saying, "Time is money."
But there are psychological costs and physical costs and intellectual costs (and probably a lot more).

When I canceled my gym membership in January, I didn't do it because of the financial cost ($15/month); I canceled because I wasn't going much. and it was hanging over my head--a constant "You need to do this, but you're not doing this." The psychological cost bothered me, so I canceled even though the monetary cost was minimal.

Economics is a social science that makes it a cousin of sociology and psychology, but it also has business/accounting applications, which is why it gets housed in business schools.

I actually had a higher GPA in Econ (4.0) than I did English, which is kinda funny given what my professional life has been.

As a person who has definitely run more "emotional" over the course of my life and struggled with moods, the economics side of my brain has helped strengthen what is a fairly weak "logical" brain.

One of the things I keep thinking about during the COVID-19 pandemic is the basic economic idea of perfect information.
The idea is that people make better/best decisions based on having reliable and extensive information.
People lacking information can make very poor decisions.

Part of what makes the pandemic so consequential is that we have poor virtually nonexistent testing opportunities, which means we are having to make a lot of assumptions that may or may not be correct.

Right now people are assuming they have the coronavirus and everyone else does not OR they are assuming they do not have the coronavirus and everyone else does.

Also, there hasn't been enough time to thoroughly study the virus to know much about its transmission, who is more or less likely to be impacted, etc.
A lot of what we know about anything is learned after-the-fact.

Although I am a very risk-averse person, I am not sanitizing my groceries that are delivered to my house or that I pick up curbside.

I am avoiding in-person shopping because the risk of that appears much higher than the risk of me picking up coronavirus from my milk.

There can never be zero risk.
It is a lot like opportunity cost; it just exists although you can determine what is more or less risky.

Is there a risk that COVID-19 could enter my house from a box of lightbulbs I've ordered from Home Depot?
Yes.
What is that risk compared to the risk of me going to Home Depot with who knows how many other people who are much more likely to transmit COVID-19 to me than a cardboard box?

Heck, there is a risk to my life by getting in my car and driving to Home Depot, which is much more likely than the risk of a delivered cardboard box helping me contract the virus.

There is a risk to living, but what we are doing now is minimizing that risk to the smallest, least likely amount that I can.

I think back to a stressful episode with an invisible enemy I experienced when N was an infant. I developed mastitis while breastfeeding and then a yeast infection in my breast.

Now, this was BEFORE my anxiety medication, but fighting this invisible enemy just about did me in psychologically. I was boiling pacifiers and any plastic toys she touched. I was scrubbing everything down to kill the yeast. I used paper towels rather than washing linen ones.

I felt a lot like Lady Macbeth in her futile mad attempt to get that damn spot out.

The economic impact of the pandemic is also a place where we have imperfect information because of imperfect testing.

Without knowing the full extent of the virus in the population, we can't make good decisions about business operations.
There are at least two scenarios:
The first is what we have now; lots of unemployment in the service industry because we assume everyone has it or everyone doesn't have it.
The second is potentially worse. We assume everyone has it when everyone doesn't have it and allow businesses to open up causing huge spikes in hospitalizations and deaths.

The resulting full lockdowns and surges collapse the health care system, inducing even greater panic than what we saw the first week or so of the quarantines.

Both scenarios suck, but if I have to pick one of the two, I'm picking the option we're doing now. 

Teachable moments all around

I try to remain calm in the face of teachable moments, which can be embarrassing as fuck.

A case in point:
The mother of M's friend texted me with screenshots showing M's messaging his friend (her son) on Google Classroom things like, "Suck suck suckety suck your ball."

My first instinct was to laugh because I'm childish.
My second instinct was to think, "Yep. That's a 10-year-old boy."
My third instinct was to think, "Dear god, I'm embarrassed."
My fourth instinct was to think, "This is a good teachable moment for M."

So I replied to the mom that I would talk to M, and that I suspect his middle school brother's influence was having an impact.
She was mostly concerned about it being on Google Classroom where it could pop up in front of teachers, which I didn't even think about.

When M came home, I asked him about it.
I told him he can't type stuff like that on Google Classroom because other people, like his friend's mom and possibly teachers, might see it.

I did not give him hell for typing, "Suck balls."

My hope is that in talking to him as I did, he will
1. listen and abide
and
2. know that he is human, makes mistakes, and can fix them.

Some of my students are struggling with plagiarism, and so I hope to take a similar tact.
Rather than lambasting them and making them feel ashamed, I'm hoping to talk about it and how it can be a very complex issue.

It occurred to me while I was thinking about plagiarism how often teachers, myself included, inadvertently plagiarize.
I don't know a single teacher who doesn't regularly go online to get lesson plan ideas, questions, activities, etc.
Teachers use these and unless the worksheets they use are copyrighted, there is little or no indication of where the lesson plan, activity, etc. came from.

I have asked teachers if I can have a copy of their worksheets, but I don't give them credit for it.
And the truth of the matter is that I don't know where they got it.
Did they create it or did they get it from the original person or did they get it from someone else who "borrowed/stole" it from the original person?
One worksheet I use on how to embed quotations didn't have any sources cited (a local high school teacher had used it with her students, and I liked it so borrowed, but I changed it up a bit.)
I ended up looking for it online, and the only one I found online said, "stolen liberally from a variety of sources."

This is one of those super gray-area issues that make me unable to give any student hell about what they are or are not doing.

My goal is to have a very open and honest conversation and guide them so that they can avoid making similar mistakes in future (when the consequences might be much harsher).

The dress code as it nears possible change

Yesterday I attended the SBDM meeting about dress code.
This was not a "vote" but a first-read of the changes that parents and students would like to see made.
There will be a second read next month followed by a vote.

I have mixed feelings about the whole entire thing.

On the one hand, I'm glad that many of the dress code proposals are being discussed.
A discussion is needed.

One of the SBDM parents who has worked with other parents on developing the revised code was very clear about what the thinking was behind the changes and what concerns exist.
She was an effective advocate.
It helped that there were a handful of parents attending who could bear witness to the conversation and the discussion.
The news media was there, too, which doesn't hurt.

I watched a TedTalk today about how important it is to ask questions.

Last night's meeting was a good reminder of why it is critical to ask things like, "Why do we even have this rule? What were we thinking when we made it in the first place?"
Because sometimes the reasons why a rule was created no longer exist or they exist in a different way and because we haven't thought about why the rule was created, we don't revise it when we should.
We get stuck in a "that's the way we've always done it" routine.
I saw that in action at the meeting.

But I'd be lying if I said that, given everything I know, I don't feel that getting a new dress code is cause for celebration.
I will not feel a sense of victory when all this is said and done.

What I noticed with my own eyes and ears is that there is a palpable fear on the part of teachers (or at least those on SBDM) about what these dress codes will mean, and I'm not sure I understand it.

It is hard for me to empathize because dress codes are not a hill I choose to die on.
I didn't spend one second focused on what kids in my class were wearing when I was in the classroom full-time or when I'm in a classroom subbing.
My focus is 1. are they learning and 2. are they respectful in the ways that truly matter.

I nailed kids on lying to me and cheating on homework because that matters.
I nailed kids on not doing their work because they could do it, and I knew it, and that matters.
Whether they had rips in their jeans at the thigh matters not one iota.
I personally believe that some kids who know a teacher makes a stink about dress code will actively violate the dress code for the pleasure of seeing their teacher's head pop off.
(This sounds like something I might do, to be honest.)

I'm not saying their fear is unwarranted; I simply don't get it.

What I heard with my own ears is that some teachers look at this incident as "an unhappy parent complaining to the media" (which I think means me).
And I know that this same song was said to parents at the district's showcase of schools.
Things like, "Oh, the news reports are overstated. It was just one angry parent."

So in the same way that I don't "get" their concerns, they don't seem to "get" parents' concerns about girls being disproportionately impacted by dress code restrictions.

And what that says to me is that there is a culture issue, a climate issue that cannot be remedied by changing a dress code.
The dress code may be changed, but the mindset will not.
And so if this ends up being a "victory," it won't really feel like one.
While I think I knew this would be the case, it still feels a little disappointing.

The big ask (N at the university)

The older I get, the more I realize that asking is the absolute best thing you can do for a number of reasons.

First, the worst someone can say to your ask is no, which means you are still at the same point where you started.
You haven't lost anything.

Secondly, most people don't ask at all.
Sometimes the only reason change hasn't been made is because someone hasn't asked for it to be made.
In a perfect world, changes would be made without asking, but this isn't a perfect world.

A case in point.

When I was still N's Girl Scout troop leader, I contacted the city university to ask if the girls could tour and talk to someone in the psychology department.

That psychology department happens to be a very "female-strong" place, so not only were they delighted to meet the troop, they went on the develop a program and badge for other Girl Scout troops.

Fast forward to this spring after N's college visit (which all freshman did at her high school).
She remains interested in psychology, so I asked her if she would want to volunteer in the university's psychology program if they would allow it.
She said yes, so I emailed the contacts I had made at the university.
The worst they could say was "no," in which case N would be able to vegetate at home in front of her phone all summer long.
But they said yes.

And so, N has been going to the university one day a week to learn about the psychology department, what they do, research, etc.
She is networking with both undergrad and graduate students.
She is making an impression on a university professor (who could, perhaps, help mentor her if she chooses a psychology path).
She is learning about psychological research and helping the lab.
She is gaining confidence.

And all I did was ask.

Band director letter (option #2)

Cooling down.
Revising.....


Hello Mr. W, Ms. K, and Mr. A,

I am writing to ask that the cones that designate the band's practice area in E's parking lot be located and placed in the parking lot before any other activities/sports take place in the afternoons/evenings. Although my child is not in band, I learned this evening that these cones are missing.

When I arrived at E at 6:30 pm for a field hockey booster meeting and field clean-up, there were no cones marking off where band normally practices. Because there were no cones and because my child is not in band, and I, therefore, do not know the band's practice schedule, I parked in the big lot.

At the end of the field hockey meeting, the band was in the parking lot, where a minivan and some trucks were blocking the exits, making it impossible for me to leave the parking lot.

To make a long story short, I had a difficult time getting Mr. A's attention (whether he was willfully ignoring me or not in order to "make me pay for my error" is a matter of perception). When he asked that I not park there, I told him I would not, but that there had not been cones up when I arrived so I had no way of knowing the band's intentions of using the space. It was a rather awkward situation, to say the least, and not one I would wish on another E parent. Thank goodness this wasn't my first impression of the school and its teachers.

Thank you for your consideration of this matter.
C

I'm sleeping on this (will I send or not?)

Tonight, I had a bit of a situation.
I am debating whether or not to send an email to the activities director, principal, and teacher involved.
It is pretty bad when kids in band are texting my kid saying, "The teacher is a dick. He's going to be a dick to your mom."
I am sleeping on it.


Hello Mr. W, Ms. K, and Mr. A,

I am writing to ask that the cones that designate the band's practice area in Es parking lot be found as soon as possible. Although my child is not in band, I learned this evening that these cones are missing. 

When I arrived at E at 6:30 pm for a field hockey booster meeting and field clean-up, there were no cones marking off where band normally practices. Because there were no cones up and because my child is not in band and I, therefore, do not know the band's practice schedule, I parked where I have been parking for the past several weeks when I've brought my daughter up to field hockey conditioning and practices. 

At the end of the field hockey meeting, the band was in the parking lot, where a mini-van and some trucks were blocking the exits, making it impossible for me to leave the parking lot. 

Mr. A was busily directing his students to move around, so I understand why he did not notice me at first when I stood below the crane. After a few minutes of him directing, I then had to wave my arms and yell in order to get his attention (although band students did not have their instruments so noise wasn't an issue; perhaps, him being 60 feet in the air may have made it difficult for him to notice me). 

I asked if he could have someone move the van so I would no longer disturb his band practice, and he asked that I no longer park there, at which point I told him there were no cones up, at which point he informed me that he cannot locate them.

I have had many pleasant experiences with E teachers, so I don't wish to assume a teacher would willfully ignore an E parent because she had accidentally parked in a lot that wasn't marked off with cones to designate it as being needed for band or make her feel like an idiot by having to wave her arms and yell in order to get the teacher's attention.  I'm afraid this might backfire and simply make the teacher seem like a jerk. I would hate to think what a brand new parent to E whose child is a freshman might have made of the situation. 

Fortunately, I suspect Mr. A was simply very focused on his band students, specifically where his trumpet players were standing, so I will chalk this up to an awkward one-time situation. 

For Mr. A's sake, mine, and any other parent who parks at E and doesn't know the band's schedule, please make sure the cones are found and put in place as early as possible.

Thank you,

C 

My thoughts on late work in school, teenage brains, and wholeness

Up until recently, I had never turned in a freelance assignment late.

If I even suspect I might need a few extra days, which is mostly because I frequently having trouble getting sources to schedule an interview, I always request an extension. I end up turning in the assignments by or before the deadline, but I figure it's better to state my issues up front than be begging or apologizing on the backend.

This semester, however, with my subbing and cottage school and graduate class, I completely missed the deadline for an assignment.

By a week.

The only reason it didn't blow up in my face is that my editor also completely forgot she had assigned me the article.

When I realized my mistake, I emailed her, apologized profusely, and told her I would get it done that day. (And I did).

I have been thinking a lot about my experience during this long-term sub job.

Different teachers have different late-work policies for various reasons, and I understand and appreciate the reasoning behind these.

Teachers have so much grading to do anyway that to allow late work means they are in a constant state of adding grades. It makes it hard for a teacher to put any assignment "to bed" if they are constantly having to go back in and add grades that were turned in late. Accepting late work also makes the students who do turn work in on-time feel like they are working hard for nothing: Why am I busting my butt to turn things in on time?

Especially in high school, having a no late work policy makes sense for students who will be heading to college. I don't remember a single college professor who allowed late work (although I always turned things in on-time, so maybe they did, and I just never knew).

I think when I taught full-time I had a late work policy whereby I would deduct a certain amount of points for a certain number of days. After 2-3 days late, I didn't accept it.

Even if a teacher doesn't accept late work, he/she almost certainly has students with 504 plans or IEPs who, at the end of the semester, are playing catch-up. And if a teacher has a 3-page list of students with failing grades at the end of the semester, he/she will likely allow some work to be submitted late to appease parents or administrators (to check the box that they are "intervening" on behalf of the students).

Ultimately, even if you have a zero late work policy, in some form or fashion, you are dealing with late work. Students who have an excused absence are allowed the number of days they missed plus one to submit late work. Late work is simply the nature of the beast in education.

The other night, while attending N's orchestra concert at her school where I have been subbing, I noticed a kid in one of my AP classes who performs in the "top" orchestra group. This kid is a polite, nice kid who also happens to struggle with turning things in one time (I don't know him well enough or long enough to know if this is a normal thing or what). His mom introduced herself to me (since I had made contact with her via email).

I could look at this kid as "lazy" or "irresponsible" or "scatter-brained," but seeing him perform in the top orchestra group (for which students have to audition), reminded me that seeing him for 50 minutes each day doesn't sum up his entire personhood.

It reminded me of the fullness of these teenagers. They aren't just one class or one grade. Even if their grade is garbage in one class, they have other classes and other responsibilities. Many have jobs (where I'm pretty certain they are learning the value of doing things on-time) or sports teams (where showing up on-time is also critical and where there is a penalty for not being on-time).

I have noticed the danger of zero tolerance late-work policies, which is that students may just stop trying, or they may cheat in order to turn work in on-time.

I have caught at least 6 students cheating because they forgot an assignment and were given the answers by a friend. I didn't give them zeroes, but I made them do the assignment again on their own.

No late work also makes kids give up if they even think they are going to be late. It encourages them to take the path of least resistance, which is not to do the work at all. If they think they'll be late, what incentive is there to do the work if it isn't going to count for anything?

So I have had to think to myself, "What is my goal in the classroom with them?" and my goal is for them to 1. Learn and 2. Do the Work On Their Own.

The truth is that I don't actually begin grading their work the day it is assigned, so why should I be a hard-ass about a due date when it may take me an additional 3 days or 5 days or 7 days to even find the time to look at the assignment?

It is probably too loosey-goosey, but I figure if it is turned in by the time I grade it, then it is on-time.

The benefit of extending grace to these kids is that on the occasions when I might need to be a hard-ass, they might be more willing to remember the grace I extended to them and think, "Ms. ___ was flexible with me so I am going to be flexible with her."

As the parent of a fairly responsible gifted-and-talented teenager in a stable, upper-middle class, high parent-involvement home, I am well aware that even the most responsible kids forget or get distracted or have a week in which they have just.too.much going on.

This necessitates I think about the non-G&T kids who are more irresponsible in unstable, non-upper middle class, low-parent involvement homes.

I also have to remember that these kids' pre-frontal cortexes aren't fully formed yet and won't stop forming until they are around 24 years old. The PFC controls executive function---including decision-making, working towards defined goals, determining consequences, and predicting outcomes.

Sometimes I think what we ask of these kids is nearly impossible given what their brains are actually capable of.