I have worked 5 days of the long-term subbing job.
I have access to the grades.
I am planning the lessons.
I am giving feedback.
I am having students ask for my help.
I am also having conversations like this:
Student: "Why did you give me a zero for independent reading?"
Me: "Because you were sleeping."
Student: "But only for a minute."
Me: "Imagine how long you would have slept if I hadn't woken you up. You have to read, or pretend to read, for ten minutes."
What I did not say: "If you can't stay awake and/or pretend to read for ten minutes, you deserve a zero."
I have told myself that this job will be a good reminder for me of what it was like back when I worked full-time, as well as what it might be like if I worked full-time now with kids.
The principal introduced herself to me today and asked if I would be coming back full-time.
I wanted to answer: "Only if you'll hire me to work here."
But my response was, "Not for a while because we don't have transportation here, and my daughter is a freshman, and I can't work across the county and get her here and home each day."
What I'm remembering is that I am not good at turning OFF the teaching.
I keep looking for rubrics or lessons or activity ideas.
I keep writing myself notes of what I need to do tomorrow or the next day.
I'm thinking about the job when I'm not at the job.
My dining room table is filled with papers to be graded.
Such is full-time teaching.
What has felt hard is trying to schedule life around teaching, like getting M to his post-op ENT appointment.
Racing out the school door, dropping kids off at my house to be picked up by their parents, racing to M's school for pick-up, racing to the ENT.
I haven't been anything like full-time in nearly 15 years.
When I was explaining that this feels hard for me, someone replied, "Well, that's what every working parent experiences."
This person is right, except for the fact that this person is a man, and I'm 95% certain he hasn't made a habit of taking off work to take his child to the doctor or get her to afternoon/evening activities.
I assume he did do these things with his older children, but that is because he was divorced from their mother. I think had he been married to her, the bulk of the post-school child wrangling would have fallen to her (maybe it did anyway).
There is a part of me that asks myself if I'm crazy for actively trying to have a busy professional life that does not involve working full-time.
Full-time work would feel easier in a lot of ways.
I wouldn't have to ask "Where am I today?" and "What am I working on today? Subbing, cottage school, freelancing? Do I tutor tonight?"
Puzzling together part-time jobs is difficult in a weird way. It pays little considering how much time I give to it, but it gives me flexibility, which full-time employment does not.
What crazy things I will do in the name of "flexibility."
I often have to remind myself that non-full-time work also gives me a certain benefit called "active enjoyment of living" for both me and my family.
Me taking care of the bulk of home and kid stuff means D doesn't have to after work.
It adds to his active enjoyment of his non-work hours.
I have the energy to go to book club and occasionally make it to the gym and volunteer at the kids' schools and go to lunch with my parents.
I have a certain amount of "availability" that is valuable in and of itself.
And that's not nothing.
There are probably a lot of people who could work part-time and who would work part-time, but it isn't an option.
Or they have gotten used to their lifestyle and activities and costs and think they can't change anything.
Or they have taken on expenses that require them to work full-time.
And there are those families in which both parents have to work. But I think many of the people I know are people who think they have to, but they don't. They have confused their wants and their needs, as a lot of middle-class families seem to.
Private school, in most cases, is a want, not a need.
Having a newer car is a want, not a need.
Going on vacation every year is a want.
Remodeling the basement is a want.
Having a house at the lake is a want.
Having a boat is a want.
Teaching an economics class at the cottage school this year has forced me to delve back into opportunity costs and the truth that "there is no such thing as a free lunch."
I have access to the grades.
I am planning the lessons.
I am giving feedback.
I am having students ask for my help.
I am also having conversations like this:
Student: "Why did you give me a zero for independent reading?"
Me: "Because you were sleeping."
Student: "But only for a minute."
Me: "Imagine how long you would have slept if I hadn't woken you up. You have to read, or pretend to read, for ten minutes."
What I did not say: "If you can't stay awake and/or pretend to read for ten minutes, you deserve a zero."
I have told myself that this job will be a good reminder for me of what it was like back when I worked full-time, as well as what it might be like if I worked full-time now with kids.
The principal introduced herself to me today and asked if I would be coming back full-time.
I wanted to answer: "Only if you'll hire me to work here."
But my response was, "Not for a while because we don't have transportation here, and my daughter is a freshman, and I can't work across the county and get her here and home each day."
What I'm remembering is that I am not good at turning OFF the teaching.
I keep looking for rubrics or lessons or activity ideas.
I keep writing myself notes of what I need to do tomorrow or the next day.
I'm thinking about the job when I'm not at the job.
My dining room table is filled with papers to be graded.
Such is full-time teaching.
What has felt hard is trying to schedule life around teaching, like getting M to his post-op ENT appointment.
Racing out the school door, dropping kids off at my house to be picked up by their parents, racing to M's school for pick-up, racing to the ENT.
I haven't been anything like full-time in nearly 15 years.
When I was explaining that this feels hard for me, someone replied, "Well, that's what every working parent experiences."
This person is right, except for the fact that this person is a man, and I'm 95% certain he hasn't made a habit of taking off work to take his child to the doctor or get her to afternoon/evening activities.
I assume he did do these things with his older children, but that is because he was divorced from their mother. I think had he been married to her, the bulk of the post-school child wrangling would have fallen to her (maybe it did anyway).
There is a part of me that asks myself if I'm crazy for actively trying to have a busy professional life that does not involve working full-time.
Full-time work would feel easier in a lot of ways.
I wouldn't have to ask "Where am I today?" and "What am I working on today? Subbing, cottage school, freelancing? Do I tutor tonight?"
Puzzling together part-time jobs is difficult in a weird way. It pays little considering how much time I give to it, but it gives me flexibility, which full-time employment does not.
What crazy things I will do in the name of "flexibility."
I often have to remind myself that non-full-time work also gives me a certain benefit called "active enjoyment of living" for both me and my family.
Me taking care of the bulk of home and kid stuff means D doesn't have to after work.
It adds to his active enjoyment of his non-work hours.
I have the energy to go to book club and occasionally make it to the gym and volunteer at the kids' schools and go to lunch with my parents.
I have a certain amount of "availability" that is valuable in and of itself.
And that's not nothing.
There are probably a lot of people who could work part-time and who would work part-time, but it isn't an option.
Or they have gotten used to their lifestyle and activities and costs and think they can't change anything.
Or they have taken on expenses that require them to work full-time.
And there are those families in which both parents have to work. But I think many of the people I know are people who think they have to, but they don't. They have confused their wants and their needs, as a lot of middle-class families seem to.
Private school, in most cases, is a want, not a need.
Having a newer car is a want, not a need.
Going on vacation every year is a want.
Remodeling the basement is a want.
Having a house at the lake is a want.
Having a boat is a want.
Teaching an economics class at the cottage school this year has forced me to delve back into opportunity costs and the truth that "there is no such thing as a free lunch."
No comments:
Post a Comment