Monday, December 17, 2012


I sent N off to school today without thinking once about the terrible shooting in CT.  It didn't even cross my mind to be scared or anxious.  Today was the best possible day of all days to send a kid to school because everyone was on high-alert.  Police came to N's school to greet the children when they arrived off the buses, an effort in reinforcing to the kids (and perhaps parents) that the kids are safe.  I understand the reasoning, but I have mixed feelings.  It should have been life as normal, in my opinion.

It is impossible to make sense of tragedy like this.  I haven't the foggiest what life is about, its purpose, and I don't pretend to have a clue as to what G*d thinks or feels or controls or doesn't control.  It seems a bit irrational to try to make rational sense of an irrational act.

Of course, people have blamed guns.  And they've blamed the lack of coverage and funding in mental health.  There's been blame thrown at video games and antipsychotic medicines being given to children, as well as the lack of school prayer.

We keep thinking maybe this is the problem, and if we just fix this, then nothing bad will ever happen.  Or if we fix that, we'll have turned it around.  The problem is that we have to fix this, that, the other, that one over there, and a whole slew of them others to make lasting change and avoid similar events happening with such frequency.  If it was an easy fix, or if there is even a fix at all, surely we would have fixed it.

What baffles me are some of the solutions that people come up the heat of the moment when events like this are so new.  Like arming teachers.  What a brilliant piece of shite.  While we're at it, let's brick up all the windows and have armed guards at every doorway.  That is exactly the safe, secure, maximum security prison-like atmosphere I want for my children.

Events like this make me thankful that my "mental health" condition is mild.  Probably most people don't pity the mentally ill person who does the unthinkable, but I do.  It is far easier to damn the Jared Loughners and Adam Lanzas of the world to hell than to see them as tormented or so far beyond the scope of normal that they don't even realize how mentally fucked up they are.  That has to be terrifying, especially for their families who see clearly that, "this person is not right."

I know I am much more understanding since my brain did its own thing despite my best efforts to control my thinking and feeling.  For better or worse, I can empathize a bit with the mentally ill, even the most horrid among us.  

Thankfully, I cannot empathize with the parents whose children were killed.  My sympathies are with them, and I hope they find comfort and peace where they can.  

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