"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
John Lennon
Damn. So true.
For anyone who still periodically checks into this blog, the news of the day is that I am pregnant. A little over 9 weeks pregnant. Accidentally pregnant.
Here's the story:
December-- Weaned G (he was 14 months old, and I'd had my first postpartum period when he was 13 months old). Dr. took me off progesterone pill and put me on something new. Started new pill December 23.
January-- Didn't have a period, but info pack on pills said sometimes women miss periods on this pill. Figured I'd get my period in February. Ok. No problem. New pill might have some unusual side effects with me.
February-- Took last pill on a Monday. Was bitchin at a MOMS Club meeting about how I was gonna tell my dr. at my March annual pap that I need to go back on my old (pre-children) pill cause I need to have a period every month, otherwise I freak out. Figured my cycle was gonna be all fubar.
Late that afternoon, took the kids to the grocery and got a whiff of something. My stomach lurched and squirmed. I thought, "Ok, my anxiety is getting the best of me. I am gonna buy a pregnancy test so I know I am NOT pregnant!" I have been known to sorta convince myself I'm pregnant even when I'm not. Prior to marriage, D and I used 2 birth control methods, and I was still convinced I was getting pregnant every month. Have I mentioned I have anxiety?
Came home. Took the test. Positive.
Called D. Gave him the option of not coming home.
He came home.
He cried. I cried. By the next day I was feeling pukey and exhausted. 7 weeks.
And we moved on.
I see the dr. for my 1st visit on Monday, March 1st.
I spend 92% of my day sick. Either nauseous or puking. Or sleeping. Or wanting to sleep. I get an 8% window of feeling alright as long as I'm chewing spearmint gum. I have been using this window to do my schoolwork.
I spend 50% of my mental energy thinking, "This is really shitty timing," and the other 50% worrying whether this baby is going to be ok. Because even though it is unplanned, unexpected, it's my baby, and I am as protective of it as I am my other two.
I don't think about how we're gonna sleep the kids. I don't think about buying a mini-van. I don't think about anything except whether I'll hear a heartbeat. When I have my 8% window of feeling alright, I enjoy it but panic a bit because I wonder if it means something is wrong. Feeling like shit is miserable but somehow emotionally soothing.
So there it is. What happened to me while I was making other plans.
5 comments:
OMG!!! And congratulations! I am excited for you -even though I know this wasn't in the plans. Maybe you just need to reread a lot of Giselle's blog for the last year and a half - and they're all smiling now.
I wish I could babysit the other kiddos for you so you could sleep...
You are handling this WAY better than I did. :) It took me about 6 months to "move on". And I think it took Jeff until Michael arrived. :)
I'm so sorry about the sickness. It does suck. I was just looking at Michael yesterday thinking, "Geez. When Lily was this age, I was spending an inordinate amount of time puking in the toilet." And we got through it. One day at a time. You will too. :) If you don't drive yourself crazy with anxiety.
Best best best wishes. I won't lie to you. 3 kids ain't easy...but it's easier than 4 ;) I hope you find as much joy in your "oops" as I have in mine.
Congratulations! The last time you went so long without updating your blog I suspected you were pregnant. This time it never crossed my mind. Hope you are feeling better soon!
Susan
I've been checking your blog and wondering where you were...little did I know. I think surprises are awesome and I'm thrilled for you! Every "surprise" I have heard about or had:), has turned out to be an awesome blessing.
I'd be happy to take N and G off your hands so you can get some rest. Let me know. YEAAAAAAA!
Beth
Hope you feel better soon- I don't envy this part of it all, but I do envy the baby that shows up at the end! I would love to have N and G hang out with us anyday. My children would LOVE the company and I'll be glad to do the chauffering.
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