Which dwarf am I???

Pukey?
Sickly?
Heevy?
Preggy?

Right now, all of the above. So here I am declaring to the 5 people who read my blog, and who probably already know this info anyway, I am pregnant.

Yes, that's right. Planning that Disney trip did wonders for my reproductive system.

I am happy to be pregnant and yet so sick, I can't believe I actually wanted this. With N, I was sick for 3 weeks solid. On the couch from sun-up to sun-down, all day sickness. Didn't cook.

This time around, I'm now in week 4 of all-day sickness. When my eyes open in the morning, I am sick. When my eyes close at night, I am sick. The only time I feel good is when I am unconscious. Despite not having eaten in 6+ hours, I manage to throw up upon rising in the morning. And then the rest of the day I feel nauseated and dry heeve periodically. I can't tolerate the smell of our bathroom hand soap, or the smell of the refrigerator or the smell of the cat food, or the smell of D's hair stuff. I can't enter a grocery store because just the thought of it makes me cry.

With N I didn't tell anyone forever, but that was easy because 1. I had no social life, and 2. I was on summer break from teaching. Had I actually had to work and function, more people would have known the deal much earlier on. This time, I have kind of had to tell people. My MOM Club work has been put on hold, our playgroup dates have been put on hold, my answering of emails has been put on hold. And being on hold is not something for which I am known. I am a go-getter, stay busy, keep moving person, or at least I was up until 4 weeks ago.

So in addition to telling out of necessity, I have told some people because I wanted to. I guess there is another good reason why 2 years of therapy was necessary for me. While pregnant with N, I didn't want to tell people because I didn't want to have to untell people if something happened. For me, there was causation. If I told people, I would automatically be jinxing the pregnancy and the worst would happen. Meds and therapy have helped me to realize that there is no causation. Just because someone knows I'm pregnant doesn't mean something is going to go wrong. They are totally not connected in any form or fashion.

And really, if something bad does happen it would be a lot weirder to say I miscarried when no one knew I was pregnant to begin with. And I would want my mom friends and others who know me well and see me often to be supportive and offer comfort.

Now this doesn't mean I have given my mother the ok to tell every stranger she meets and all the cousins and every lady she quilts with. Of course, this will be grandkid number 4 for her, so the excitement has kinda worn off. She isn't biting at the bit like she was 3 years ago when N was born.

So anyway, that is the word from the couch, from the sickbed. I'm hoping things will improve soon because we are running out of Disney videos to watch.