The never-ending birthday saga....

I recently wrote an article about planning a reunion and neighborhood block party, which is definitely not my skill set (the topic....not the actual writing, I mean).

This is actually the second article I've written about party-planning.  One published in Nov/Dec 2015 and made me realize that I am a terrible hostess.  When I interviewed two party planning experts, I learned that I basically do everything wrong, which is why I don't entertain often.  (If you are looking for event planning/management resources, Eventbrite might be something to check out.)

Today was N's final, final, absolute last or I'm gonna scream turning 12-years-old birthday commemoration.  She had one with just the five of us, one with my side of the family, one with D's side, and now this one with friends.

She was allowed to invite 5 friends (since only 5 other people besides me and her can fit in the minivan) and take them to a trampoline place.  They ate unfrozen pizza, cake and ice cream prior to the trampoline place.  This is as much as I can stand given it is celebration #4.

I am definitely a "simplicity" party person.  I'm not going to spend tons of time on Pinterest....or any time on Pinterest, really.  I suspect there are a lot of moms out there like me.....who don't have $300 to spend on a big birthday party for each kid every year (or don't want to spend that) and who don't have the time or desire to make parties into "events."

Here are simple things to make parties fun and meaningful.....

I. Commemorative "gift" items

As a general rule, I abhor gift bags.  Kids need to learn how to give a gift without expecting a gift bag for attending the party.  Plus, most of the stuff that parents put in gift bags are cheap toys and candy.  My kid has just been fed a slice of cake, ice cream and juice.  The last thing he needs is candy.  The last thing my house needs is more removable tattoos, stickers or cheap plastic thingies that I have to surreptitiously toss in the garbage.

What I CAN get behind in the way of "attendee gifts" is something special that commemorates the day.  And by this I mean, a photograph of my child and your child together.  I will be thrilled because it is something to put in their scrapbooks, and my kid will be super thrilled because kids love to have photos of themselves with their friends.

II. Something to house the commemorative "gift" item

Something as simple as card stock could be decorated by kids at the party (Hello!  Easy activity for keeping kiddos occupied) and used as a mat for their commemorative photograph.  This card stock mat could also serve as a thank you note:  "Thanks for being my friend and coming to my party."

People who want to be more fancy than card stock can buy inexpensive wooden frames at Michaels or clear plastic frames at dollar stores.

N has made these are birthday parties she has attended, as well as Girl Scout camp.  Even I can handle something like this.

N will be sending 4x6 copies of a photo I took with her and her friends today in her thank you cards.

III.  Make them learn something

Every moment of every day is an opportunity to learn, and I don't mean boring, stodgy learning that sucks the life out of everything.  If your 8-year-old son is having a "medieval knights" themed party, and you are of the persuasion to plan for the party more than 5 minutes in advance, have them play medieval bingo, where they can land on and learn about being drawn/quartered or other horrible things from that time.  This is a book any 8-year-old boy will love.

IV. Have a start time AND end time

One of the moms told me today that she liked how specific our invitation was.  Drop off at our house noon; pick up at trampoline place at 2:45.  Boom!  Now go plan your day.  None of this nebulous, "It ends whenever you feel like picking your child up."

V.  You don't have to pay the party place for the cupcake bit

I understand the convenience of just doing everything at the party place.....but really, like $300 just so a teenager can hand out cupcakes to my kid?  I like the idea of minimizing the guest list....6 kids including mine...by how many can fit in my car.  They come here, eat, open gifts and bug around. I drive them to the roller-rink or trampoline place or wherever.  Today I spent $118 (including for the boys and me to jump).  N had a good time with her friends.  Mission accomplished.  

Birthday plans

Next week G turns the big 5, a milestone that saddens me a bit.  I remember so much from N's first 5 years.  As my one and only for most of that time, I was able to focus all of my attention on her growth and development, to notice every single change.  

With G becoming the middle child 11 days after he turned 2, I have to queue up the home videos to remember much of his toddler time.  N started elementary school around the same time so distractions abounded.

We are doing it up big this year---a My Gym party with playgroup and preschool friends.  I've purchased the Avenger plates and napkins.  His presents are awaiting wrapping.  And I am thinking about the treats for the occasion that I have brewing in my imagination.  

I am making Avenger-inspired cake pops for his My Gym party, but I want to have a little something on his actual birthday which falls a few days earlier.  So I think I'm going to make a small Hulk cake topped with cake pops that may or may not end up looking like Iron Man, Thor and Captain America.  I'm sure it will be ugly......but made with love.  

Once again I'm swallowing that uncomfortable feeling I get when people RSVP and ask what G would like as a gift.  A part of me wants to say, "Oh don't get him anything," but I know people won't do that, and I know that as a 5-year-old, G wants toys.  I'm always amazed by the kids who forego presents to make a donation to a charity.  I think it is great and kinda freakish (but then I'm a selfish prig so what do I know).  

So I just say something vague like, "Anything your boys would like," or "He likes typical boy things." A non-answer answer to their kind question.  

I am a big book giver, a gift-giving habit I find many people do not share with me.  My kids rarely, if ever, get books as gifts....unless I specifically tell one of the grandmas that the kids want certain books.  Santa, the Easter Bunny and Mommy/Daddy always give books.  A child can have too many toys and clothes, but never, ever too many books.    

G pulled a typical "mind-changing trick" on me.  He asked for a large Captain America doll action figure, but then earlier this week when we saw it at Target  he decided he wanted Iron Man or the Hulk.  I'm hoping his elation over his big party will ease the pain of getting Captain America.  (M is getting the Hulk....because I just cannot buy 2 identical gifts for the boys....it pains me to even think about having 2 identical toys in my house.  I can't explain this phobia.)

So next week will be chock full of homemade cake and buttercream icing making, as well as wrangling with fondant and sugar sheets, substances I have never used before.  

My hopes are high, as they always are.  Reality never, ever matches my dreams, but that is the beauty of children's birthdays. 

In the end, if it has sugar and icing, they so don't care. 

Birthday Party Crow Eater

About 2 years ago, my friend T told me how many birthday parties her daughter had been invited to when she started preschool, which was on the order of 1 million (ok, I exaggerate a little). I, in my great knowledge and wisdom and being the mother of a 2-year-old, said I wouldn't let N go to that many parties if and when the time ever came that she received lots of invitations.

Here I am, 2.5 years later, taking N to tons of birthday parties for her little friends. Since the end of July, N has been invited to 5 and attended 4. She got another invitation yesterday after we had returned home from 2 parties in a row. I even allowed N to have a friend party for her 4th birthday since she had been attending so many other kids' parties, which I thought I wouldn't do until she was at least 10.

O, what do I know anyway? About anything related to parenting?

I have mixed feelings about birthday parties involving people other than family. The kids love them. N just beams whenever I hand her an invitation to open and eagerly asks me to read it. For her it is sheer fun to be with her friends and play.

For me, it is alot more involved than that....mostly because I think too much about stupid stuff and worry about things that nobody else notices or cares about.

Like the cost of the gift.

I have a Gift Box, in which I put toys and books I buy on sale. And I mean, really good sales (because in addition to having OCD and being highly anal, I am also cheap). This saves me some money, as well as time, so I'm not running out to Target constantly to purchase presents. And I don't buy cards because 1.) the kids don't give a rat's ass about the cards, and 2.) I'm cheap and don't want to spend nearly $3 on a card that the kids don't give a rat's ass about. So I have N make cards for her friends.

But I worry that the kid or the parents of the kid will think I'm cheap (although they don't know how much I spent on any given gift), particularly in light of the fact that they've invited my kid and fed her cake and ice cream and let her play and given her a goodie bag. I keep expecting every kid who invites N to their birthday party to get a shirt that says

I invited N to my party
and all I got was this stupid
{name of toy here}

And even though D makes good money, we simply can't afford to shell out $15-$20 for every birthday party. Hell, I only spend $20-$25 on my own mother for her birthday.

I have mixed feelings about the goodie bags too. Again, N loves them and thinks they are wonderful. I tend to cringe at the money spent on stuff for kids who aren't the birthday kid. My kid has been fed cake and ice cream and played on jungle gyms and whatnot for 2 hours. Really, she doesn't need anything else.

I sound like an old fogey saying this, but all of this is so, so different than when I was growing up. I had family parties forever, and then had a slumber party when I was around 10. And I think that was the extent of my birthday party life. N has attended way, way more birthday parties than I ever did, and she is not quite 4 and a half.

I suppose N attending birthday parties makes me feel pressure to follow suit, when I would be perfectly content to just have family parties for years and years. Some people like to entertain, but I hate it. With family, I feel comfortable saying, "Get your water/soft drink/ice cream/napkin/whatever yourself," but I can't do that with N's friends and their parents. Well, I guess I could but I'm already too good at pissing people off.

And yes, there is always the option of having the party out somewhere at a gym or restaurant which we will likely do for her 5th or 6th birthday, but I can't afford to do that every year, especially since what I do for N I will try to do for G.

Basically, birthday parties make me feel inadequate. N loves them and has fun, and I like seeing N have fun with her friends. But I spend an inordinate amount of time feeling cheap or like a bad hostess or like a stick-in-the-mud mom as a result of seeing what other parents do for their kids.

I thought middle school ended a long time ago but apparently I am still stuck in some adolescent limbo. Oh no, wait, this is what motherhood is all about.

Good nite! Who would have thought that I would be able to write this much about preschool birthday parties. I keep telling myself to just let N go and enjoy herself, take a gift from the Gift Box and a homemade card (because nobody cares), and do whatever I feel comfortable with regarding N and her birthday parties.

I don't know if my friend T remembers my oh-so-wise comments about birthday parties from a couple years back, but if she does, I just want her to know I am downing full bottles of A-1 with the crow I am currently eating.