Monday, August 13, 2012

The final week

Today begins the last week of summer break for N, and I'm feeling a little sad, which shows just how f*cked up my mind is.  How many FB posts have I written about my kids driving me bonkers over the entirely too long expanse of time between early June and mid-August?

Maybe it's the PMS talking, but I feel guilty and just plain down in the dumps.

Guilty about not being a better mom, more kind and loving towards my kids.
Internally weepy because my girl is entering 3rd grade and is half-way through her elementary school experience.
Regretful that this is my last year with G before he starts kindergarten (and because I had G and M so close, I feel like I missed so much of G's toddlerhood).
Troubled that my personality is so....pessimistic (even though it always has been).

Why isn't it enough that I meet their basic physiological needs (laundry and feeding them mostly healthy stuff) and open their minds (reading to them and taking them to the zoo and science center and generally doing what I can to ensure they become decent people when they grow up)?

Why can't I give myself credit for NOT losing it 80% of the time?

My kids love me, in spite of (or maybe because of) the flawed person I am.
It sucks that I can't be as forgiving of my failings. 

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