Sunday, July 22, 2012

Getting older and medication tweaking

Because I'm not in the throes of despair and have come to terms with taking medication, I sometimes forget that I have mood issues.  Eventually, though, I will have a brief relapse that reminds me that I am not cured, only in remission and continual recovery.

I suspect I am starting to experience peri-menopause because my PMS mood symptoms, which have always been unpleasant for me and others, have worsened considerably over the past year.  The frustrations of dealing with young children and their constant badgering day in and day out also contributes to my angry blow-ups.  I have a very, very hard time recovering my tenuous mood stability when every single morning I have G or M (and often both) subject me to an argument or crying fit.  Though I might try mightily to remain calm, the boys' tantrum stamina is too much for me.  By the time lunch rolls around, when they are becoming tired and cranky, I have only just recovered from the morning.

At my last psychiatrist visit, I explained the situation and am now free to take an extra half-dose of my antidepressant during my PMS time.  It helps, but it also brings back a little of that feeling of, "Why can't I deal with this on my own...without meds?"

This PMS/age-related stuff, in addition to bumming my knee a bit during a workout last year and trying unsuccessfully today to fit into my wedding dress (what WAS I thinking attempting that???) has got me really stewing over turning 39 later this summer.  Since I'm not a procrastinator, I like to get my freaking out over turning 40 over and done with the year prior.

When I think of myself now, compared to who I was at 21 or 24, I like myself so much more.  Maybe it is the life experiences...the blessings of time and a small nugget of wisdom I may have picked up along the way.  But I dislike how my body tends to just do what it likes without my brain, my chemicals, my hormones, my overly-stretched abdominal wall.

1 comment:

Keri said...

I can empathize. I, too, am experiencing some apparent age-related body issues, and it's unnerving. I guess there's a part of every human being that assumes we'll be Forever 21...hence the smart retail marketers who are capitalizing on that phenomenon. :-) We may as well start sitting down and visualizing our full weekly Day/Night pill organizers now, so that the sight won't be such a shock to us in 30 years.....