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Sunday, October 14, 2018

Dress code saga #68,082

As much as I hate dress codes, especially strict ones on paper that administrators do not actually enforce, which is just like empty-threat parenting, there is a silver lining to them (which I will get to in a little bit after venting for 40 paragraphs).

I took N shopping on Wednesday evening to attempt to find something to wear for the homecoming dance.

This adventure has made me think my entrepreneurial goal should be to open portable wine bars in juniors dress departments for the moms.

Moms in juniors departments are dealing with all sorts of emotional stress and would do well to take the edge off with a glass of pinot noir. In addition to the panic of spending $100 on a dress their daughter may only wear once, they are experiencing shame and guilt for what they put their own mothers through in shopping trips. Plus, there is the anxiety induced from dress codes.

This is what the dress code notice that has been in every high school email I've been sent for the last eight weeks should say:

Girls' dresses can be no more than 1 inch above the top of the knee.
(Just kidding. We are going to let LOTS AND LOTS of girls into the dance wearing dresses that come 4-5 inches above their knees.)

While N and her friends were dancing, I was doing a reconnaissance mission of my own with a little help from another high school mom.

I now have an album of photos of girls who went to homecoming in dresses that were higher than one inch. This album will never be used unless or until N gets any comment about her dress at a dance or is denied admittance.

This album of photos of what the school has allowed into dances will then be submitted as Evidence, Exhibit A.

I was very strict when N tried on dresses on Wednesday night because this was her first dance at the high school, and I didn't know if the dress code was actually enforced or empty-threat. There were tears from N, but I told her that I would rather have her cry in a store than at the dance when she is denied entry after having spent money on a dress and time getting ready.

No mother particularly wants her kid to cry, but if I have to pick a time and place, I know which one I will select.

N happened to find a super adorable jumpsuit that I think looked pretty stunning on her. D said she looked "statuesque." She was super pumped that it had pockets (she is related to her maternal grandmother).



So what was the silver lining of this whole mess of consumerism?

Three things:

1. N bought something that was unique and showed off her "I'm not like the other girls" attitude. She stood out.

and

2. It provided me an opportunity to instruct N in dressing for her body. As tall and thin as she is, the pantsuit made her look even taller and thinner, accentuating something that is lovely about her. It takes women a lifetime to realize what is wonderful about their bodies, so I hope our conversations on Wednesday helped her see that being tall and thin are enviable (especially when she gets into middle age, she'll be so very glad for that height).

and

3. Even though the dress code is bullshit, life is all about wading through bullshit. Case in point is the 90 hours of observations I'm having to do for the grad class as if I've never set foot in a classroom and have no experience. Life is not fair--dress codes are not fair--grad class requirements are not fair....but there they are, so you bitch about it and then suck it up and deal with it in whatever way you are able, with the goal being to deal with it so splendidly that people admire your tenacity, your unique ability to do what needs to be done in a creative and uniquely you way.



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