"Don't assume the gender"

That is a sentence that came out of the mouth of my 9-year-old last week.

We have lots of conversations about gender in my house not because anyone doesn't feel like their physical gender (or at least no one in my family has told me that yet).

We have these conversations because of hair.

My children come from two parents who, at one time or another, have defied societal norms about gender-specific hairstyles.

I have been defying this norm since high school when I first cut my hair very short.
I don't look good in long hair.
I am too lazy to deal with long hair.
So I don't have long hair.

Many, many times, I was called "young man" or people looked at me quizzically, wondering whether I was a boy (since my cup does not runneth over in the breast department).
I'm also lacking in the hip area.
I also don't wear cosmetics.

D wore long hair for any number of years (in college and again about 15 years ago).

My boys are constantly called "young lady," "little lady," and "girl."
They don't get mad as much as they think the people who call them such things are hopelessly unobservant.

One of the conversations we've had is how many people in the service industry (servers, store clerks, etc), always feel compelled to put a gender tag on their conversations.

For example, rather than simply asking, "What would you like to order?" which can be used on anyone---male, female and even different species, they want to gender tag it:

"What would you like to order, young man or young lady?"

Or if they are asking if my children are related, they ask,
"Is this your sister or brother?" rather than "Is this your sibling?" or "Are ya'll related?"

I have been in circumstances, this semester actually, in which I was unsure of a student's gender.
One boy had long hair, was sitting down, and wearing a pink sweatshirt, and his name is Reece (which is a dual-gender name).
I wasn't certain, so I did what any smart person would do:

I KEPT MY FLIPPING MOUTH SHUT UNTIL I KNEW WITH 100% CERTAINTY.
AND EVEN WHEN I WAS CERTAIN, I STILL KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT.

Another student has very short hair and appears to be female.
I watched this student make some very intricate drawings, and I asked, "Do you take art classes?"
The student responded, "Yes."
I asked, "Is that what you want to do beyond high school? Art?"
The student replied, "I want to be a sign language interpreter."
I said, "Oh, that's cool."

I did not in any way say anything related to gender because.....
it.doesn't.matter to me.

Whether the student named Reece who I think is a boy identifies as a boy or whether the above student is a female who just likes her hair extremely short (and I totally get that) or maybe feels like she is more masculine....I don't know what their stories are, and if they felt like sharing it with me, I'd be ok with whatever they are, provided they don't sell my kids drugs or kill my family.

There are some non-negotiables with me.

The point is unless I'm going to have intercourse with someone, it really doesn't (and shouldn't) matter to me what gender a person is.

If you are in a female body, but you feel like a male=ok
If you are in a male body, but you feel like a female=ok
If you are in a female body, but you feel like both=ok
If you are in a male body, but you feel like both=ok

My aunt used to have this bumper sticker on her car, which I clearly remember from when I was a kid:



I can't help but think about this whenever I'm around people who don't fit neatly into that precise little box that society wants to place on all of us.

Society has never particularly liked my short hair, and I've always thought society can go suck it.