The ambush: "The rest of the story"

Sister girl texted me the afternoon of the first day of school and said her husband is just gonna drive their daughter to school.

I suspect they didn't actually do the math prior to the first day and determine that by the time they get to my house, they are nearly halfway to the high school.

If they are gonna drive that far, they might as well go the distance.

I'm off the hook.

Reading Kafka and raising kids/teenagers

I'm reading Franz Kafka's Letter to My Father.
It is heartbreaking if you maintain any connection with your "child" self.
I think every parent should probably read it because it will make them think about how they interact with their own children.

Of course, I am a skeptic, and this is only Franz's letter that was never sent to his father.
We don't get Hermann Kafka's letter to his son.
Franz likely had what all people have in bits: myopia when it comes to their own irrational childhood thinking.
I was guilty of it as it concerned my own parents, and it took some therapy for me to come to some realizations.
Parents have their own baggage and anxieties that impact their children, and children often think they are the cause.
They are not the cause, but they experience the effects.

Still, just because a person has children doesn't mean that person knows anything at all about raising them.

I certainly don't claim to know all there is to know about raising children, but I do think my training as a teacher helps, as does reading lots of books about parenting.
Not forgetting my "child" self also helps.

I'm sorta a "kid" magnet, and I've never entirely understood why.
Kids just seem to gravitate to me.

I could say it is because I talk to them as I talk to anybody; I don't talk "down" to them.
I could say it is because I'm funny.
But I wonder if it is because they see something vulnerable in me that they relate to.

I've never quite lost that vulnerability that has seeped through my pores since childhood.
I've never quite worked through the doubt and the uncertainty and the fragility.
I sometimes wonder if kids sense that in me---a kindred spirit, of sorts.

As a teacher and a parent, I do not pretend or claim to know everything.
I am the first one to say I'm not an expert or the single voice of knowledge or the fountain of all that is holy and right about anything.

I try to be as forgiving of children as I wanted adults to be forgiving of me when I was a kid.
Sometimes I fail miserably, especially with my own children.
But I apologize and I explain myself, including my fears, my anxieties, the reasons why I am throwing a fit about whatever I'm throwing a fit about.

I have never liked nor respected the "I'm the adult, therefore you do what I say" logic.
I want explanation.
I want understanding.
Then, I may not like what you are asking me to do it, but I will do it with less grief because I know where it is coming from.

I'm also a firm believer in picking your battles very, very carefully.
If you insist on making every hill one you're gonna die on, you're going to be dying (and suffering) a lot.

The ambush and the drive to school

A friend texted me today asking what my "plan" is for driving N to EHS.

I responded that my "plan" is to make arrangements and then watch them fall apart.

We do not get bus transportation to N's high school in the same way that we didn't get bus transportation to her middle school.
We carpooled with neighbors when N and their son's middle school years overlapped.

There are good things and not good things about carpooling.
The good thing is that you share the driving.
Depending on schedules, this could mean you take entire weeks off.
The bad part of carpooling is that during your week off you get used to it.
TOO used to it, in fact, which means when you have to drive the following week you are out of habit and, perhaps, a little a lot whiny.

Another downside to carpooling is that in your head, you think carpooling means you will drive less, but if your child does activities or if the child you carpool with does activities, you may still end up driving to and fro to pick up your child.

In high school, it is almost certain that whatever you think the plan will be, your child or your child's coach will make a schedule that sucks complete ass and forces you to drive up to the school or make all kinds of weird driving arrangements.

Basically, I think the secret to being satisfied with any carpooling arrangement is to prepare to drive your kid every single day and then be pleasantly surprised on occasions when you don't have to.

Here is a funny story:

My MIL's neighbor's daughter (that is 3 degrees of separation) came up to me one evening when we were at my MIL's to eat dinner in the very early summer, long before I'd even thought about August and carpooling.

This lady, whom I barely know, just came to the back door with her daughter, who sometimes plays with my kids, and stood there.
It was weird.

Anyway, this mom just kind of stood there for a few minutes making small talk and then asked me how I was getting N to school and whether I could give her daughter a ride.

Since I have been in the habit this past year (N's 8th-grade year) of driving her to school, I didn't and don't mind giving this lady's daughter a ride to school, BUT I will not go backward.

The child lives in the opposite direction of the school from our house, so I told the mom if she can get the girl to our house, then I will take her the rest of the way.

I told her that if I am subbing, I pull out of my driveway at 6:40 am, and her daughter has to be at my house at 6:35.
If I'm not subbing, I'm leaving at 7:00 am, and her daughter has to be at our house by 6:55 am.

I figure she needs me more than I need her, so these are my "rules."
If she doesn't like them, she can find her daughter another ride.
This sounds heartless, and maybe it is, but all is fair in love, war, and car rides to high school.

D couldn't believe that I had agreed to this madness.
He believes I always think so well on my feet, but I was more or less ambushed by someone I don't know well.
And I don't lie.
(I can lie but I'm very obviously lying and it is just pathetic, so I don't.)

He is worried that he will have to answer the door when they show up late and tell them that I have already gone.
I told him that I know it will be A GRAND INCONVENIENCE for him to answer the front door while I'm driving our kid to school before 7:00 am, but I know he can do it.

Anyway, once we learned that N was playing field hockey and I had her practice schedule, I texted the ambush mom to tell her that I won't be picking N up on days she has practice, which means I also won't be picking her daughter up.

Two days after that, ambush mom texted me asking if I had room for another child.
A child I don't know.
A complete stranger.

Now the honest-to-God truth is that I don't really want to drive this lady's kid to school, but I'm doing it because 1. she ambushed me and 2. I do at least know her child, and 3. it doesn't hurt to be nice especially since I'm not having to backtrack to pick her up in the morning.

However, I draw the line at people I barely know roping me into rides for people I don't know at all.

I almost texted her back: "WTF? I'm not Uber."
I opted to just text back, "No."

Both my MIL and D think this will be a short-lived arrangement, and maybe it will be.

When I told N that I am subbing the first four days of school and will need to drop her off early, she sighed and huffed a bit so I asked, "Are you inconvenienced by having to get up early and be dropped off?"
She said, "A little."
I replied, "I don't know anything about being inconvenienced."

Here's to a new year of fun driving-to-school stories.

Here we go again: A graduate class to make me feel all unequipped

A year ago I did this to myself, and now I'm doing it again, all in the name of being "smart" and putting coursework to good use and giving myself "options" whenever I do go back to teaching full-time.

I will be observing/working with students at two high schools this fall.
Fortunately, I don't have to take a class at the college or read a textbook.
It is basically some reflections and 5 lesson plans (being observed teaching 2 of them).
Totally doable.
And the class is pass/fail, so in order to fail, I think I'd basically have to do nothing and/or kill a child.

I met with one of my supervising teachers the other day, and I'm trying to fight that feeling I get of 'I'm not worthy."
Like just because I haven't taught full-time means I know nothing and have no "real" value as an educator.
The two teachers I'll be with have eight years and 10 years of classroom experience, respectively.
I don't know how this compares, but I think my 3 years of full-time teaching + 6 years of part-time teaching/developing curriculum + 2 years of subbing = something.
And I've got the 8 years of freelance writing on top of it, which hopefully will be of some value since one of the teachers has a journalism class.

Maybe this is terrible of me, but I basically told the teacher, I'll teach anything but I'm jumping through hoops for this course.
I'm only creating lesson plans for what I absolutely have to for the class, which may be a shitty attitude, but it's not like this class is my only thing.
I'm not gunning for an A, I'm gunning for a "pass."

Plus, I think it is just weird to walk into someone else's classroom and be told by the college that you have to come up with lessons that somehow jive with what another person has already planned. It just seems odd (and stupid) to "recreate the wheel" when the wheel has already been created.

That is logistically difficult for both people, so I'd rather not do that any more than I absolutely have to.
It is her classroom, and I'm just a guest.

Anyway, I'll get through it, and I'll complain, and I'll likely have my sense of self-worth shattered because I'm not a full-time"real" teacher, and I'll have to build myself back up again.
But when it's over, I'll have that little add-on to my teaching certificate.
Whoop-dee-do.

It's important to have a positive attitude in these circumstances.

Things change, people

I tend to be a pretty carpe diem person.
I don't dwell on the past, nor do I think a whole lot about the future (except daydreaming about places I'd like to travel).
I pretty well live in the moment.

The moment of me hating summer break IS OVER.
I no longer hate it.
Please take note of that if you know me or if you've ever read my FB posts or you've ever read this blog.

Today is Aug 6, and while I am mostly ready to get back into a routine, I'm not wishing the days away and pining to send my kids off next week.
This is because when they go back, I go back with them.
I'm subbing the 2nd day of school.
I'll be doing observations at two high schools to complete my secondary certification.
I'll start up my cottage school teaching in September.

Life will once again be a hectic mess of confusion and carpooling between Aug-May.

It's kinda funny how humans think things don't change.

I mean, I'm guilty of it, too.
I see people in person that I knew in college and think to myself, "Dang, they got wrinkles and grey hair."
As if instead of living they have been hovering in suspended animation for the past 25 years.

It is pointless and probably heartbreaking to try to force yourself or those around you to stay the same.

I know folks who cannot wrap their heads around their kids growing up.
They fight it with every ounce of their being.
They expect their preteens and teens to want to spend time with their parents.
I did not want to spend time with my parents when I was that age, so why would I expect my own children to want to spend time with me?
I'd be concerned if they wanted to, in the same way that I'd be concerned if my teenager still needed diapers (unless she had a developmental disability in which this need was normal).

I wouldn't want to spend my entire parenting existence in the baby stage or the toddler stage or the preschool stage or the elementary stage or the "any particular stage."

I am no longer in the "I hate summer because my kids drive me bonkers" stage.
Let's move on, then.