Saturday, March 4, 2017

OK, and so......

If you live in my house, the above phrase lets you know that G is in an OCD groove.
His needle is stuck.
As M says, "G is being sensitive....again."
G is usually straightening something and this is his repeated phrase that he says as he is checking and rechecking and rechecking something.

We see the psychiatrist later this month, and there will almost certainly be a medication increase.

When I think about how I was as a child, my condition was either not as bad or I was just very, very good at hiding it.

Because of my own OCD and just my personality, I have worked to be very open and honest with G about his brain, at least in terms that a 9-year-old will understand.  I strive to be very accepting.

While I think this is the best way for his emotional health, I'm not sure it is the best way for him to understand that he is kinda weird.

I guess what I mean is that as his family, we accept him however he is and try to be understanding.  But the world at large is not as accepting, and if he feels comfortable to be in his weirdness without trying to tone it down a bit, I'm not sure he will fully understand that sometimes you can't let your freak flag fly as loudly and proudly in some places as you do in others.

I mean, he probably understands this on some level.  He doesn't seem to do this stuff at school much but I think that is mostly because his mind is occupied at all times.  There are plenty of distractions to keep his brain from getting in a rut.  This is why I loved school, and probably why I became a teacher.  Intellectual activity takes me out of my own brain, out of my vat of anxiety, and makes me feel calm.  Since I started subbing, I've noticed that some of my worst days are when I am home without much to do. Even though one part of my brain "needs" those days, another part of my brain just struggles.

He doesn't "OK AND SO" at school not because he realizes it is strange but because his brain is so busy he doesn't feel the need to "OK AND SO."

One of the things I've just begun realizing is how much G's OCD affects the other kids.  It drives both of them nuts when he fixes and re-fixes and gets upset when they accidentally move something he has placed "just so."

I sometimes feel badly asking them to chill about issues when I give G more leeway.  Because they don't have his problems and are naturally less tightly wound, it is easier for them to chill so I often ask it of them.  Asking G to chill is like asking an oven to become a freezer.  Chilling is just not how he is wired.

Whenever I begin to stress that G will never be a successful, "normal," productive adult who lives in my basement, I try to remember that I am a fairly successful, "normal," productive adult who doesn't live in my parents' basement.

In the grand scheme of things, having OCD is probably a walk in the park.  

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