Well, not really, but sometimes they just blow my mind with the things they say (N) and the things I notice them learning (G).
This morning, D was watching Where in God's Name is Matt Lauer on the Today Show. Matt was in Laos. N was watching it, waiting for D to finish his cereal and turn on her kid shows. All of a sudden she said, "That is near China." Holy Cow! How does she know that? From watching Mulan, that's how. She recognized the distinctive physical features of the people and buildings and remembered seeing similar things from the movie. I am SOOOOO OVER worrying about her watching children's television.
(After N said this, I said, "Boy, Daddy, we have a smart girl, and then there's goober," focusing my eyes on G who was sitting on the floor playing. He looked up at me and grinned his slobbery, 2-tooth smile. "He can't figure out how to sleep through the night," I remarked.)
But then later on Goober G redeemed himself. I was fixing supper, and he was sitting on a blanket on the kitchen floor with his toys spread out around him. He kept slapping the floor next to him, but remained very content and quiet. After he had been at it for awhile, I realized what he was doing. He kept seeing my shadow move around on the floor and was trying to catch it. Pretty darn smart for a 7-month-old. Now the sleeping part needs some of his focus and attention.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Why I'm Not Going to Go Whole-Hog Green
I don't know if its my OCD or having been raised Catholic, but I am the type of person who feels a LOT of guilt and accepts entirely too much responsibility for things that are not my responsibility.
Like, global warming, for example.
There is a part of me that thinks I should venture out in the car only like 2 days a week to conserve fuel and minimize greenhouse gases and buy cloth diapers to reduce landfill waste and unplug every appliance or furnishing that is not being used at that moment in the house to eliminate the tiny blips of energy that are wasted just from having the toaster oven plugged in even though it may not be in use.
But then I think, "Why should I, little ole me, sacrifice when Las Vegas and NYC are lit up 24/7/365?" My plugged in but not on bedside lamp ain't hurtin nothing in the big scheme of things.
And if my city had some lite rail or subway that was a real, legitimate usable option, I would use it, but I'm not gonna haul both kids to a bus stop and wait 45 minutes or however long for a stinky old bus to take us to the grocery. Hell, I don't even think buses run in my end of the suburbs to anywhere other than downtown.
And unless every other momma in my city is going to stop using disposable diapers then why should I feel compelled to use cloth when I don't want to.
I know I sound childish..."I'm not gonna put away my toys because Joey's momma doesn't make him put away his toys." But I can't help it. If I allowed myself, I would take the entire weight of the world onto my shoulders, and the environment thing is just a slippery slope on which I would spend all my time fretting while everyone else would go on with their lives.
So I do little things, small sacrifices, small changes. Using cloth bags at the grocery, and recycling everything I possibly can, and not buying bottled water, and making big runs in the car rather than 8 million small runs to places I don't really need to go. And I can do this without driving myself bonkers or feeling guilty.
At some point, there will come a time for big sacrifices but I won't be the only one having to make them.
Like, global warming, for example.
There is a part of me that thinks I should venture out in the car only like 2 days a week to conserve fuel and minimize greenhouse gases and buy cloth diapers to reduce landfill waste and unplug every appliance or furnishing that is not being used at that moment in the house to eliminate the tiny blips of energy that are wasted just from having the toaster oven plugged in even though it may not be in use.
But then I think, "Why should I, little ole me, sacrifice when Las Vegas and NYC are lit up 24/7/365?" My plugged in but not on bedside lamp ain't hurtin nothing in the big scheme of things.
And if my city had some lite rail or subway that was a real, legitimate usable option, I would use it, but I'm not gonna haul both kids to a bus stop and wait 45 minutes or however long for a stinky old bus to take us to the grocery. Hell, I don't even think buses run in my end of the suburbs to anywhere other than downtown.
And unless every other momma in my city is going to stop using disposable diapers then why should I feel compelled to use cloth when I don't want to.
I know I sound childish..."I'm not gonna put away my toys because Joey's momma doesn't make him put away his toys." But I can't help it. If I allowed myself, I would take the entire weight of the world onto my shoulders, and the environment thing is just a slippery slope on which I would spend all my time fretting while everyone else would go on with their lives.
So I do little things, small sacrifices, small changes. Using cloth bags at the grocery, and recycling everything I possibly can, and not buying bottled water, and making big runs in the car rather than 8 million small runs to places I don't really need to go. And I can do this without driving myself bonkers or feeling guilty.
At some point, there will come a time for big sacrifices but I won't be the only one having to make them.
Why I Don't Want a "Real" Job
I checked out the website Dooce.com after reading about it in the paper...the SAHM whose blog earns her about $40,000 a month from advertising. Niiiice.
She is definitely edgy and witty and irreverent. A part of me is slightly envious of her acerbic writing, her ability to create a really cool website, and mostly of the shitload of money she earns as a result of the previously mentioned things.
But I couldn't do that even if I had the skill. Because what I lack is the drive.
I guess my medication really works because even though I think I am still a Type A personality, I am now a type a and everything that being a lowercase letter connotes, at least as it concerns doing things other than mothering.
For example, I am a guinea pig in this market research project whereby I journal online and am visited periodically to give my opinions about parenting and products/services related to parenting. I earn some money from this, which is great, but it is totally a pain in the ass at times. Last week was my home visit, and I felt like a total shit working on the research stuff while my mom played with N and G in the other room.
On the rare occasions when I have gotten myself into some kind of "paid" employment since having N, however loose a commitment that might be, I am gung-ho until I have to do the work, which obviously requires me to spend time not doing housework or being mom. And then I get all mentally squirrelly...feeling guilty and just not wanting to do whatever it is I committed to do and for which I am getting paid.
I just don't think I can multi-task motherhood...maybe because for me motherhood is all the multi-tasking my brain can handle. Adding an additional "job" onto that job just makes my brain implode.
Some people think the gal who created Dooce.com is a shit for making money off writing about her hubby and kid. But she is no different from celebrities who make money off publishing pictures of their new babies in People mag. They are all a little insecure if you ask me....have some issues with being the center of attention. Whatever.
But damn. $40,000 a month?
She is definitely edgy and witty and irreverent. A part of me is slightly envious of her acerbic writing, her ability to create a really cool website, and mostly of the shitload of money she earns as a result of the previously mentioned things.
But I couldn't do that even if I had the skill. Because what I lack is the drive.
I guess my medication really works because even though I think I am still a Type A personality, I am now a type a and everything that being a lowercase letter connotes, at least as it concerns doing things other than mothering.
For example, I am a guinea pig in this market research project whereby I journal online and am visited periodically to give my opinions about parenting and products/services related to parenting. I earn some money from this, which is great, but it is totally a pain in the ass at times. Last week was my home visit, and I felt like a total shit working on the research stuff while my mom played with N and G in the other room.
On the rare occasions when I have gotten myself into some kind of "paid" employment since having N, however loose a commitment that might be, I am gung-ho until I have to do the work, which obviously requires me to spend time not doing housework or being mom. And then I get all mentally squirrelly...feeling guilty and just not wanting to do whatever it is I committed to do and for which I am getting paid.
I just don't think I can multi-task motherhood...maybe because for me motherhood is all the multi-tasking my brain can handle. Adding an additional "job" onto that job just makes my brain implode.
Some people think the gal who created Dooce.com is a shit for making money off writing about her hubby and kid. But she is no different from celebrities who make money off publishing pictures of their new babies in People mag. They are all a little insecure if you ask me....have some issues with being the center of attention. Whatever.
But damn. $40,000 a month?
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Past the half year
G is 7 months old today. How in the hell is he already 7 months old? I guess I have adjusted to life with 2 kids, and it happened without a whole lot of worry or stress.
When G was first born, a mom with 3 kids, the youngest of whom was about 7 months at the time, brought us a meal, and I asked how she was able to do it. I just couldn't fathom having multiple kids, one only 7 months old, and fixing food for another family. And here I am, 7 months later preparing to take a meal to a MOMS Club member who just had a baby.
I certainly adjusted better to G than I did to having N. I have found myself wondering how much baby food he should be eating and when will it be time for Cheerios because I cannot remember anything about this stage with N, and with good reason.
When N was 7 months old, I was in the process of having a nervous breakdown. She turned 7 months at the end of September, and by early November I was on antidepressants and checking into seeing a therapist. So this stage of her life is kind of a blur to me. I do distinctly remember the day she started crawling because I had been to the doctor for my ductal yeast infection earlier that day.
And so here I am with G, who seems unlikely to ever move off his little chunky ass to roll around or crawl. But whatever...he is mostly happy and a champion sitter.
It is so much more relaxing with the 2nd baby. Sure, I hope all is well with him and definitely stay on top of his development, but I am not obsessing, not anxious about everything he does and doesn't do, and everything I do and don't do. And for that I am so thankful.
When G was first born, a mom with 3 kids, the youngest of whom was about 7 months at the time, brought us a meal, and I asked how she was able to do it. I just couldn't fathom having multiple kids, one only 7 months old, and fixing food for another family. And here I am, 7 months later preparing to take a meal to a MOMS Club member who just had a baby.
I certainly adjusted better to G than I did to having N. I have found myself wondering how much baby food he should be eating and when will it be time for Cheerios because I cannot remember anything about this stage with N, and with good reason.
When N was 7 months old, I was in the process of having a nervous breakdown. She turned 7 months at the end of September, and by early November I was on antidepressants and checking into seeing a therapist. So this stage of her life is kind of a blur to me. I do distinctly remember the day she started crawling because I had been to the doctor for my ductal yeast infection earlier that day.
And so here I am with G, who seems unlikely to ever move off his little chunky ass to roll around or crawl. But whatever...he is mostly happy and a champion sitter.
It is so much more relaxing with the 2nd baby. Sure, I hope all is well with him and definitely stay on top of his development, but I am not obsessing, not anxious about everything he does and doesn't do, and everything I do and don't do. And for that I am so thankful.
Friday, April 25, 2008
I'm Not Ready
Today was a milestone day for N. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't prepared for it. It completely caught me off guard, and I nearly started hyperventilating when it happened.
She went up to her room alone to play alone and said, "Call me down when Daddy gets home."
This has never happened before, and it made me so sad. I nearly started crying as I was fixing dinner. I mean, I was really proud of her and excited for her because this seems like such a big kid thing to do....a good, healthy and normal big kid thing to do. But at the same time, I just felt weird and anxious and out of sorts inside. Thank goodness I have G because I think I was feeling something on the order of becoming obsolete. Like asking myself, "What is my role now? Am I not needed anymore?"
She has always played in the living room and, up until recently, wanted me close by, something which, at times, aggravated the heck outta me when I wanted to be getting work done elsewhere in the house. But lately she has been totally cool with me nursing G upstairs in his room (which I have to do otherwise he is too distracted by her and the tv and the light) and rocking him to sleep. And then all of a sudden, this "big girl playing in her room" event.
Am I weird? I'm wondering if I'm gonna need to check in with my therapist when kindergarten rolls around. Sheesh, if I can't handle her playing in her room without me, I don't think I'm gonna adjust to her being away from me for 7+ hours a day.
I hate it when my heart feels happy and joyful and scared and sad all at the same time.
She went up to her room alone to play alone and said, "Call me down when Daddy gets home."
This has never happened before, and it made me so sad. I nearly started crying as I was fixing dinner. I mean, I was really proud of her and excited for her because this seems like such a big kid thing to do....a good, healthy and normal big kid thing to do. But at the same time, I just felt weird and anxious and out of sorts inside. Thank goodness I have G because I think I was feeling something on the order of becoming obsolete. Like asking myself, "What is my role now? Am I not needed anymore?"
She has always played in the living room and, up until recently, wanted me close by, something which, at times, aggravated the heck outta me when I wanted to be getting work done elsewhere in the house. But lately she has been totally cool with me nursing G upstairs in his room (which I have to do otherwise he is too distracted by her and the tv and the light) and rocking him to sleep. And then all of a sudden, this "big girl playing in her room" event.
Am I weird? I'm wondering if I'm gonna need to check in with my therapist when kindergarten rolls around. Sheesh, if I can't handle her playing in her room without me, I don't think I'm gonna adjust to her being away from me for 7+ hours a day.
I hate it when my heart feels happy and joyful and scared and sad all at the same time.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
She says what?
Aunt J gave N some of her dance costumes from when she was a kid. This is a little slice of heaven for N. She can showboat all over the place.Ok, so here are some of the things N says that I find funny:
1. I don't know where she got this from (oh, yes, probably me), but when she tells me what she calls things she adds "for sure."
- "I call him Daddy, for sure."
- "I call it an inchworm, for sure."
- "I call it a creek, for sure."
2. She loves cheese and has really gotten into nacho cheese dip, but she calls it "Dip Cheese and Chips, for sure."
3. After being out one morning and coming home tired, N said she was "homesick," I guess because she felt so tired and sick and was glad to be home.
4. Tonight I put her and G in the tub together. She always wants to wash his penis. This time, though, she started trying to tickle his penis. I tried explaining that certain parts of our bodies are private and other people shouldn't touch them. She looked at me very seriously and said, "But I like to tickle my vagina," her logic being if she likes to tickle her own parts then that makes it ok to tickle her brother's?
I can see I'm gonna have to start working more on private parts and doing certain things in her room when she is alone (tickling her vagina and nose-picking being the top 2).
5. Increasingly unusual names for her dolls and stuffed animals:
- Nishellia
- Varanga
- Saranga
- Earaessa
- Necoey
Monday, April 21, 2008
Bratz...the place I never thought I'd go
Having another child in the house has really had an impact on my perfect parenting of N...snicker, snicker. And I have obviously not learned a thing in these last 4 years about saying what I will and will not ever do.
This weekend I let N rent a Bratz DVD, an act that raised the eyebrows of both D and my MIL. I didn't see it as being particularly revolutionary but then again I know my daily life with N and the conversations that go on in my head about said life.
A couple things to bear in mind:
Now there are limits to the Bratz spell she seems to be under. The Mariah Carey-dressing Bratz girl DVDs will not come into the house (but notice I'm not saying ever).
All of a sudden she just seems to be "into" bigger girl things. She goes bananas every time she sees a Hannah Montana shirt in a store, even though she has never seen the show. The Disney Channel shows Miley Cyrus videos sometimes from which N learned how to flip her head like a rocker from Bon Jovi or Poison--real head-banging stuff. It is a little unsettling to see her show off her new skills and yet really pretty cute because she is only 4.
Well, I'm not gonna lose sleep over this....at least not tonight.
This weekend I let N rent a Bratz DVD, an act that raised the eyebrows of both D and my MIL. I didn't see it as being particularly revolutionary but then again I know my daily life with N and the conversations that go on in my head about said life.
A couple things to bear in mind:
- When N was an infant I was so psycho about her NOT being exposed to tv, I would go into other people's homes and ask them to turn off the tv to keep my precious baby's brain from rotting before my very eyes and oozing out her ears.
- Now, after therapy and meds, I have mostly gotten over the whole tv thing and let her watch a variety of shows including The Little Mermaid and Kim Possible on Disney Channel.
- Prior to letting her watch Kim Possible, she checked out a KP book from the library and we read about her. This is one of the things I try to insist on as much as is feasible--we read the book and know the story prior to watching the movie/tv show.
- There was a time when I adamantly said "No way will my child EVER, EVER, EVER have anything to do with Bratz-related toys." This was long before I had a 4-year-old who sees commercials for Bratz-related DVDs on tv on a regular basis.
- N knows that she gets presents 2 times a year--Christmas and her birthday. She also knows that certain things, like Bratz and American Girl dolls, are for girls ages 8+. So I'm not completely feeding her to the advertising hounds.
Now there are limits to the Bratz spell she seems to be under. The Mariah Carey-dressing Bratz girl DVDs will not come into the house (but notice I'm not saying ever).
All of a sudden she just seems to be "into" bigger girl things. She goes bananas every time she sees a Hannah Montana shirt in a store, even though she has never seen the show. The Disney Channel shows Miley Cyrus videos sometimes from which N learned how to flip her head like a rocker from Bon Jovi or Poison--real head-banging stuff. It is a little unsettling to see her show off her new skills and yet really pretty cute because she is only 4.
Well, I'm not gonna lose sleep over this....at least not tonight.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)