On Tuesday afternoon, when I picked N up from school, she was fired up. She said her sub was arguing with her about abortion.
Now, I didn't just fall off the turnip truck, so I know not to believe every.single.word that comes out of my children's mouths without probing. So I asked questions.
What I determined from her is that students asked the sub his opinion about abortion, and he engaged with them. N reported that his comment to her was, "If people are going to engage in those behaviors, they have to accept the consequences."
I was so busy Tuesday night that I didn't have time to stew over this conversation much besides saying to both her and myself that it seemed wildly inappropriate for a sub to engage in this discussion for a variety of reasons.
But Wednesday morning, when I woke up, I was immediately still bothered by this incident. It isn't part of the curriculum. I doubt that the regular teacher had this topic as part of his sub work. A sub is the last person who should engage students in controversial topics. As a sub myself, I would never engage students in this, even if they asked me to. Fully grown adults can't have civilized conversations about abortion, so why would anyone expect middle schoolers to be able to do so?
It also rubbed me the wrong way because it was a male sub speaking to my female student, a male sub in a position of authority over my female student. And the subtext behind his statement, "If people are going to engage in those behaviors, they have to accept the consequences" bothered me, and I discussed it with N.
What I heard is this statement: If WOMEN are going to HAVE SEX, then WOMEN have to accept the consequences even though MEN DO NOT.
I doubt very much that he was even aware that this was implied by his statement because female ears hear things differently from male ears.
This is when I informed N that even when women use highly effective birth control, as HER OWN MOTHER DID, they can become pregnant. Hello, littlest brother M.
Since it still rankled me on Wednesday morning, I emailed the principal and explained my reasons for being concerned.
Yesterday, I got an email apology from the sub. He was attempting to get the students to think critically about their arguments but realizes now that he probably should have paid more attention to the sensitivity of the topic. He was sincere and professional, and I appreciate his direct communication with me.
This abortion discussion coincides with my own recent subbing, in which I have been with many students who are terribly neglected. Many of them are, essentially, parenting themselves, and as a teacher friend of mine said, "Kids don't do a very good job at raising themselves."
Some of their parents are struggling just to survive---working jobs, with more kids than they should have as a single parent. Some of them are drug addicts. Some of them don't know anything about how to be a responsible parent.
If anyone, including my daughter, asked me whether I think abortion is right or good, I have to say no. I don't think it is, and I wish it wasn't a choice that women feel they have to make. In a perfect world, I wish every child was wanted, treasured, and able to be given a secure, economically stable life.
But we don't live in a perfect world. We live in a world where children are subjected to things that children should not be subjected to. Raising themselves. Drug-addled parents who shouldn't have the responsibility of caring for an inchworm. Parents who can barely read and are, therefore, unable to promote reading or learning or the importance of education. Extreme institutionalized poverty sandwiched between poor financial decisions.
And as much as I dislike abortion, I think it is a far, far worse sin to bring kids into the world that you then abuse or neglect, that you can't feed, that you don't guide.
And if there is anything that makes my head hurt, it is the people who are anti-abortion as well as anti-funding for health care (including birth control) and food and welfare and economic development in impoverished areas and living wages and education.
My friend told me about one boy who has been living at the Home of the Innocents for three years. The father gave up his parental rights (who knows where the mother is or if she is even alive). This child would have been in 3rd grade when this occurred, and he will live forever with the knowledge that his dad gave him up. He wasn't a baby who won't remember anything. Even if the father did this out of an abundance of love, care, and concern, from the child's perspective his dad gave him up, abandoned him. A child doesn't easily recover from that if he does at all.
Many of these neglected kids will become addicted themselves. The girls will become teen mothers. Many of the boys will end up in prison. They will become the parents of the next generation's neglected kids.
As much as I don't think abortion is good, I also don't think life at all costs and under all circumstances is good either.
Now, I didn't just fall off the turnip truck, so I know not to believe every.single.word that comes out of my children's mouths without probing. So I asked questions.
What I determined from her is that students asked the sub his opinion about abortion, and he engaged with them. N reported that his comment to her was, "If people are going to engage in those behaviors, they have to accept the consequences."
I was so busy Tuesday night that I didn't have time to stew over this conversation much besides saying to both her and myself that it seemed wildly inappropriate for a sub to engage in this discussion for a variety of reasons.
But Wednesday morning, when I woke up, I was immediately still bothered by this incident. It isn't part of the curriculum. I doubt that the regular teacher had this topic as part of his sub work. A sub is the last person who should engage students in controversial topics. As a sub myself, I would never engage students in this, even if they asked me to. Fully grown adults can't have civilized conversations about abortion, so why would anyone expect middle schoolers to be able to do so?
It also rubbed me the wrong way because it was a male sub speaking to my female student, a male sub in a position of authority over my female student. And the subtext behind his statement, "If people are going to engage in those behaviors, they have to accept the consequences" bothered me, and I discussed it with N.
What I heard is this statement: If WOMEN are going to HAVE SEX, then WOMEN have to accept the consequences even though MEN DO NOT.
I doubt very much that he was even aware that this was implied by his statement because female ears hear things differently from male ears.
This is when I informed N that even when women use highly effective birth control, as HER OWN MOTHER DID, they can become pregnant. Hello, littlest brother M.
Since it still rankled me on Wednesday morning, I emailed the principal and explained my reasons for being concerned.
Yesterday, I got an email apology from the sub. He was attempting to get the students to think critically about their arguments but realizes now that he probably should have paid more attention to the sensitivity of the topic. He was sincere and professional, and I appreciate his direct communication with me.
This abortion discussion coincides with my own recent subbing, in which I have been with many students who are terribly neglected. Many of them are, essentially, parenting themselves, and as a teacher friend of mine said, "Kids don't do a very good job at raising themselves."
Some of their parents are struggling just to survive---working jobs, with more kids than they should have as a single parent. Some of them are drug addicts. Some of them don't know anything about how to be a responsible parent.
If anyone, including my daughter, asked me whether I think abortion is right or good, I have to say no. I don't think it is, and I wish it wasn't a choice that women feel they have to make. In a perfect world, I wish every child was wanted, treasured, and able to be given a secure, economically stable life.
But we don't live in a perfect world. We live in a world where children are subjected to things that children should not be subjected to. Raising themselves. Drug-addled parents who shouldn't have the responsibility of caring for an inchworm. Parents who can barely read and are, therefore, unable to promote reading or learning or the importance of education. Extreme institutionalized poverty sandwiched between poor financial decisions.
And as much as I dislike abortion, I think it is a far, far worse sin to bring kids into the world that you then abuse or neglect, that you can't feed, that you don't guide.
And if there is anything that makes my head hurt, it is the people who are anti-abortion as well as anti-funding for health care (including birth control) and food and welfare and economic development in impoverished areas and living wages and education.
My friend told me about one boy who has been living at the Home of the Innocents for three years. The father gave up his parental rights (who knows where the mother is or if she is even alive). This child would have been in 3rd grade when this occurred, and he will live forever with the knowledge that his dad gave him up. He wasn't a baby who won't remember anything. Even if the father did this out of an abundance of love, care, and concern, from the child's perspective his dad gave him up, abandoned him. A child doesn't easily recover from that if he does at all.
Many of these neglected kids will become addicted themselves. The girls will become teen mothers. Many of the boys will end up in prison. They will become the parents of the next generation's neglected kids.
As much as I don't think abortion is good, I also don't think life at all costs and under all circumstances is good either.
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