Airing of my grievances, 2020 edition

People who walk in the middle of the neighborhood road when there are PERFECTLY good sidewalks. (I just watched a neighbor do this as I typed.)

"Christians" who don't realize that Jesus wasn't white and he probably wouldn't be down with a lot of their "all these poor people have to have skin in the game" bs (when the majority of these poor people work full-time jobs or multiple part-time jobs or are actually disabled and can't work).

Khaki pants with tennis shoes.

Brittle fingernails. 

That dental and vision insurance aren't considered "health" insurance. Why are these two body parts not considered part of the body when it comes to health? 

Those 5 stray dark hairs that grow on my chin at random intervals so I can't pluck all of them at the same time. 

My husband's inability to find anything in the fridge. 

That children's adorable baby breath becomes stinky teenager breath. 

"Christians" who are SO SURE they are going to heaven that they're like, "I'm cool with dying from COVID cause Jesus loves me," which isn't terribly "Do unto others" because not everyone is so freaking sure of the afterlife and maybe aren't in a big hurry to die. 

That eyeglasses don't come with those cool heater things so you can tighten/loosen your own glasses without having to run back to the optometrist.

When book-to-series adaptations add so many weird things it doesn't even feel like the book (I'm looking at you 11.22.63). 

People who don't cover their freaking NOSES with their masks (like the dumbass checkout kid at Walgreen's). 

Anyone on the internet without medical degrees/epidemiology degrees/science degrees acting like they have more knowledge than individuals with these things. 

When certain people in my household forget to put STUFF ON THE GROCERY LIST.

Most every white.person.problem (including this list).

People who drive for miles and miles with their turn signals on. (It pains me to think about this lack of observance.)

My children who, while I love them, talk about all kinds of shit related to video games and YouTube that I neither know nor care anything about. 

People who talk a lot, in general, but especially in the morning before I've had enough quiet time and/or coffee. 

Middle-age body spread and the chicken neck phenomena.

That ovaries don't just shrivel up and fall out the instant you decide you are done having children. Must we continue with this period bullshit for another 20+ years?

COVID and the dumbass federal response to it. (Thank god all these people who said it is NBD and a hoax are getting vaccinated.)

Receding gums

The way earbuds make my ears itch

Podcasts that are just nonstop talking about mostly inside jokes that nobody else gets. 

Skin tags

Shower grout and its utter disgustingness

Country music. (I just can't. I'm sorry.)

People who screech to not be afraid of COVID but who also track all the burglary reports in their areas almost incessantly. (Why is one type of fear stupid but another type of fear is totally normal?)

The fact that I didn't appreciate my body when it was awesome and didn't crack and have to move slowly in the morning. 

People who cannot read.the.room and include me on emails that if they had any CLUE what I'm like would know that I should NOT be part of that email. 

People who are always looking on the bright side or being chipper. Tone that shit down, please. 

People who aren't teachers or school administrators who keep bitching about why the kids aren't at school as if they even have a CLUE as to all the logistics of school during a pandemic. 

Christmas...all of it. Ugh. 

That there aren't "glaring inefficiency" lines in all venues where people who need super quick things could go. Like basically a 15-item check out lane for everything. So when I'm at Walgreen's during a pandemic, which gives me the heebie-jeebies anyway, I don't have to stand in a long 6-foot distanced line behind Wanda who is returning $40 foot warmers or whatever shit she bought. 

(BASICALLY, WHAT I'M TELLING COMPANIES IS HIRE ENOUGH WORKERS AND QUIT TAKING ALL THE MONEY FOR YOUR STOCKS.)

What I'm realizing as I'm writing this is that The Airing of Grievances is much better done with others because there is a certain amount of brainstorming energy that comes from hearing others grievances. It spurs your brain much better than just blogging.
So I shall post my grievances and perhaps add to them on social media when/if others come up with their own brilliant grievances.

Masculinity and femininity

I spent much of my life not matching whatever the hell it is that "feminine" girls should look like. 

In high school, I cut my hair short. I simply look better and feel better with short hair. I don't have the energy or desire to mess with long hair. 

I was (and I guess still am) shaped like a boy. Minimal boobs. Narrow hips. 

Voluptuous I am not. 

I was also never at all good at that old school "Don't call a boy; wait for a boy to make the first move" junk. I have never once told my daughter any of that garbage. It is ridiculous to put all that pressure on boys. 

Who decided that guys had to make the first move? 

I was always perceived as that "weird" kid. Chances are pretty good I am still perceived as that "weird" middle-aged lady now. 

I remember being asked when I was a kid if I was gay by a group of girls at my Catholic school. I don't know how old I was, but I thought the question was stupid. There was this adult volunteer who had these freaky long nails and I'd lose my shit whenever I saw her; I'd run up and hug her and ask to see her nails. 

Apparently, this qualified as homosexual in the late 1980s. 

And these were the "popular" girls who asked me, so I should probably spell it "stoopid" because that's what their comment was.

In 4th grade, the cutest boy in the school, grabbed me from behind while we were sitting on the floor of the classroom cleaning out our desks and said he was raping me. I guess I was kind of cerebral then because I was like, "Uh, dude. This is not rape." 

Do you see why sending my kids to Catholic school did NOT seem like a better option than sending them to public school? Why pay tuition for this kind of garbage?

I dated two gay guys in college. Admittedly, at the time, they were still figuring things out which I didn't know, but many years later, when things were clear for them and me, it made me consider what I find attractive in a guy. I knew I liked guys, but I definitely never liked that macho, tough guy shit. 

I liked the smart, cultured, eccentric guys. I liked the falsetto singer guys. 

Long before I was a teen, I loved Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran who was so secure he could wear cosmetics and rock out on the synthesizer. He was thin and non-muscley. I guess from the time I was 10 years old, I knew what kind of male I liked and it wasn't the machismo guy.

I married a man who is sensitive and quiet and funny. And virile enough to produce three children without trying too hard.

So I don't understand and have never understood why men have to be a certain whatever. 

I have taken this into how I raise my sons. 

They are smelly and farty and genuinely gross. But they are encouraged to be understanding and empathetic and sensitive. They have never been told not to cry. 

I guess I just think it is all absurd, us humans trying to put each other in these stupid boxes of categorization. 

Like what you like.

Don't be a dick to other people. 

Why is this so hard? 

Drinking is not funny, and yet everything is a joke

I have written articles about excessive alcohol consumption.

My dad's brother died at 48 from cirrhosis of the liver and his father was an abusive alcoholic. 

I'm pretty aware of the dangers of drinking.

I became very cognizant of my alcohol usage at age 21 after I drank WAY too much vodka and had a 5-day hangover. 

I stick to wine and beer, with an occasional margarita or strawberry daiquiri. 

I have no more than 2 glasses. 

Most nights, if I have a beer, it is a half-beer that D and I split. 

I'm also aware that D and I have been drinking more than we ever have as a result of the pandemic. 

Initial research suggests he and I are in very good company and a lot of it. 

My antidepressant is working overtime of late. 

The pandemic is part of it, sure, but my dad's health issues are what has left me reeling. My dad's health issues in combination with the pandemic and being terrified to be near him because his body cannot handle anything else. I cannot risk his health because it is terribly fragile at the moment. 

Nothing is funny right now. 

Everyone drinking more than usual. Everyone more isolated than usual. My dad's health. My emotional health. 

And yet it all feels like a joke; the year of near constant feeling like we're being punked by circumstances beyond our control. 

I can make fun of my liquor store run and stay vigilant to not go overboard, to always be aware that it wouldn't take much to slip over the ledge into addiction. 

That many, many people do something to deal temporarily with an issue and then that "fix" becomes the next real problem. 

Our entire society, maybe our entire world, is doing that now. 

Surviving and knowing that the steps we're taking may be the steps of future unraveling.

On the banana peel / How God is like the Trump Administration

My dad is 78 years old, and my mom is 82. The average life expectancy in the US is 78.87 years (2019).

As my mom said the other day, she's got "one foot on the banana peel."

At this point, with dad having cancer surgery, chemo/radiation, and as of yesterday, emergency surgery for a twisted bowel obstruction, he's got one foot on the peel and is doing a little jig. 

It has made me aware of how I hear of other people going through "hard stuff" and think to myself, "How do they manage that?"

The answer is complex:

1. You go through what you have to because what choice do you have?

2. I think a lot of the time you aren't aware you're going through it until it is done. (Except me, who recognizes we're going through a hot mess at the moment.)

The other night, when mom and dad were in the ER, and we didn't yet know what the diagnosis was, I laid in bed and had angry conversations with God.

Well, not really with God.

God is not my sugar daddy. I don't plead for stuff. I don't wish for things. For my own sanity, I cannot have an anthropomorphized God in my life because he/she/it makes me furious. 

My anger at that instant was directed at people who do the whole "God is good" song and dance when they get the answer they want (no cancer or whatever). But they don't do the "God is an asshole" thing when the answer is not what they want. Then they do the "God's got this" thing.

I'm not poking fun of them because if this gets them through the muck, then have at it. 

But it doesn't get ME through the muck. It just makes me think that God is like the Trump Administration--taking ALL the credit for the good stuff and none of the blame for the bad stuff. 

After lying in bed for several hours, I finally decided that for my own mental health I had to look at Dad's situation as just nature happening. His aging body doing what aging bodies do. Nature is not good nor bad; it simply is, and it does what it does. It is much more calming for me to think this way about my family's shared existence at this time. 

Of course, while all this is going on, I've been interviewing people who have been throwing around preachy moralizing at me, and it is aggravating as hell. 

I'm the doubting Thomas who never gets to put his hand in Jesus' side. I'm the Paul who doesn't have the conversion. And I'm the Carrie who resents other people throwing their "God is good" and "God's got this" into my face even though I know they have good intentions. 

The road to hell is paved with those.

A great year to practice dostadning

Every year I practice dostadning which is also known as Swedish death cleaning. 

Of course, I'm not doing it because I am dying (that I know of) or that I think I'm going to die soon, but clutter makes me anxious. I am the opposite of a hoarder. 

D often worries this time of year that, when I'm on one of my tears, I might throw him and the children out. 

With this being my natural tendency when the whole Marie Kondo trend came along, it was easy for me to do her version because I have long asked myself questions like, "Do I love this item?" and "Do I actually use this item?"

Last week, I cleaned out nearly every room in the house. The storage closet. The furnace room. The litter box room. 

I made one huge run to Goodwill and have my trunk full of other items that I've cleaned out from the garage. I threw away small grocery bags full of junk and cut tons of boxes into small pieces to recycle. 

As much work as this has been, it has occurred to me that our level of stuff is minimal compared to others considering that neither I nor D like to shop and I am habitual about sorting, donating, and dostadning(ing). Plus, for years I have consigned the kids' toys and old clothes as a way to clean out and make a little money to pay for their seasonal needs. 

Of course, as soon as I did all this cleaning, I was gifted some items that are thoughtful but that I have no need for (like another coffee mug). 

[Which reminds me that I haven't cleaned out the mug cabinet....]

It seems to me like 2020 is a good year to clean out clutter....whether that be in one's house or in one's mind or in one's priorities. There's nothing like a global pandemic to help a person put everything into perspective. 

This was one of the reasons I unfriended a hefty dose of individuals on social media. Because they caused me aggravation and unhappiness. They didn't spark joy for me, and I honestly don't have a relationship with them anyway. Just because they are a neighbor or a parent of a kid my kid used to play with ages ago doesn't mean I actually need to be "friends" (however loose that word is when it comes to social media). 

If there is something or someone you don't love, don't need, or doesn't have much meaning to you, 2020 is probably all the excuse you need to clean it/them out.