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Tuesday, July 14, 2020

All the anxiety all the time

It seems my anxiety has become more problematic than it has been.

Overall, in the spring, I think I was doing pretty well, all things considered.
I was ok being at home all the time.
I was ok with staying isolated.

But this past weekend, I realized that my anxiety is starting to rear its head in ways that make me irritated and irritable and likely to fly off the handle over darn near anything.

Because anxiety often presents not as fear but as rage.

I think this anxiety is due to the following:
--the increasing levels of COVID in the country when much of the rest of the world (the sane parts) has gotten a grip on how to manage this virus.
--A former colleague who had posted on FB that a close friend of hers had COVID updated that this person had died over the weekend from COVID.
--My MIL's neighbor has COVID (although he is asymptomatic at this time).
--This evening, my daughter's text that members of her school field hockey team are isolated because they went to a Young Life event and someone is COVID-positive, therefore many of her teammates are at home.

I am feeling weighed down by the fact that what we thought was terrible in the spring and shut everything down for is now WORSE.

I am anxious, but that anxiety is manifesting as fury, and I am also furious by the general stupidity of people so I am anxiously furious and straight-up furious, and that makes me bad news right now.


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