You ain't grown

This statement comes out of my mouth on the regular...with my children and when I substitute teach.

Now, I realize that children push boundaries. That is what they are supposed to do.
But as an adult, I know that my job is to hold the boundaries in place.
This does a number of things for the child.
It reminds her or him that I am consistent, that some things in the world are consistent.
It reminds them of the power of consistency.
It makes them feel secure and safe.
It helps them regulate themselves.

It is also a nice preview of what being an actual adult is like.
Adulthood is not about getting to do whatever the hell you want.
I do not usually ever get to do whatever the hell I want.
I get to do more things than I got to do as a child, like eat 3 cookies at once if I choose to and stay up later than I should.
I often wish I had someone regulating me better than I regulate myself.
To allow children to think that adulthood allows them absolute freedom is a cruel trick.

So when my own children buck me or when students buck me, I determine if it is an issue that I can ignore or if it is an issue that requires me to remind them that "they ain't grown."

Many, many, many issues do not reguire the big bazookas.
But sometimes, I have to open my mouth and allow my own mother to come on out and give my child a little what-for.

G frequently needs reminding that he ain't grown, but the other two usually don't.

Yesterday, however, N forgot.
She forgot that she doesn't have a job, doesn't contribute to the household or her phone bill.
She forgot that she doesn't have wheels to get her anywhere.
She forgot that she is 14 and most certainly ain't grown.
So I had to remind her.

She wasn't happy.
AND I WASN'T HAPPY.
Providing structure and consistency is much, much, much, much harder than just letting a child do what she/he wants.
Walking away and allowing the structure to cave is easier than standing around, holding the danged thing up while the kid pushes against it over and over again.

But today, N was back to her old normally responsible self.
I had emailed her teacher last night. This is part of what I said:

Since she is providing me zero information, could you please let me know whether this work was from her absence, whether she is still able to turn it in, and if so, what the penalty is for late work?

Also, should I murder her? (Because that is what I feel like doing.) ;)

Her teacher emailed me this morning to let me know the issue had been resolved because N had returned to her normally responsible self and thanked me for being an awesome mom. She also thanked me for offering to kill N but said she preferred I didn't because she is fond of my daughter.

If this is what being an awesome mom is like, it really, totally blows.
But the alternative---a kid who does what she/he wants, with attitude, without respect, without limits-
blows much, much more.