Today I was able to listen to a little snippet of this Hidden Brain podcast, which got me thinking about how people lie to themselves.
I like to think that because of my exceptional ability to not.get.out.of.my.own.head I do not have a problem with lying to myself, but maybe that isn't really the case.
Today I saw someone I've known since our kids were preschoolers. We were discussing N's application to EHS, which she received in the mail yesterday.
While discussing the application packet and process, I think I actually said, "We're applying." I did catch myself and correct my statement, but it bothered me that these words came out of my mouth.
In one sense, it is just how I speak.
When I am out to dinner with anyone and the server asks, "Are you doing ok?," I always respond with, "We're fine," even though the truth may be that I am fine, but my dinner buddy is not fine and needs cocktail sauce STAT.
This Freudian slip of the tongue made me wonder whether I talk a good game but am totally guilty of being the helicopter parent I don't want to be.
Based on my recent reading of How to Raise an Adult, I decided to put it to N that I could either help her 1. not at all or 2. just a smidge (and by a smidge, I meant getting her envelopes for the teacher recommendation sheets).
I had no intention of filling anything out for her, but as a writer, it is hard for me to not to want to edit someone to within an inch of their lives. About a week or so ago, I had her write down her "accomplishments and activities" of the past three years so she wouldn't forget anything when she began completing the application. She used this yesterday to complete the information sheet.
She wrote, and I sat next to her reading a book, answering questions she had, like "Should I put field hockey in 6th-8th grades or put the years?"
As I sat there, I wondered if this was too much "assisting?"
If she writes her one-page essay and asks me for feedback do I give her real feedback to actually help her improve her essay or do I just say, "I'm sure it is fine," and have her send it off without looking at it?
To be honest, the latter option seems a bit irresponsible, especially since I'm a professional writer and know full well that nothing very good (including this blog) happens when someone hasn't had someone else proofread their stuff.
It is a slippery slope balancing act, this raising a child. Because they don't just require a parent to say something once, and then they'd got it.
You've got to say the same shit over and over and over and over.
This, to me, seems like it is the essential act of parenting---saying the same junk ad nauseam until the kid finally, at like age 25, has it inside his/her head.
Is that helicoptering?
Or is the problem really doing it FOR the child? Saving the child FROM every mistake he or she makes? Pulling the child out of school so she can avoid the class guitar recital she doesn't want to do because she hates the class?
(She asked, and I responded, "That is not gonna happen. You suck it up and get through it."
Maybe I'm not lying to myself because of the simple fact that I was aware enough of my speech to catch myself and to reflect on what I'm thinking and doing regarding this whole high school application.
I like to think that because of my exceptional ability to not.get.out.of.my.own.head I do not have a problem with lying to myself, but maybe that isn't really the case.
Today I saw someone I've known since our kids were preschoolers. We were discussing N's application to EHS, which she received in the mail yesterday.
While discussing the application packet and process, I think I actually said, "We're applying." I did catch myself and correct my statement, but it bothered me that these words came out of my mouth.
In one sense, it is just how I speak.
When I am out to dinner with anyone and the server asks, "Are you doing ok?," I always respond with, "We're fine," even though the truth may be that I am fine, but my dinner buddy is not fine and needs cocktail sauce STAT.
This Freudian slip of the tongue made me wonder whether I talk a good game but am totally guilty of being the helicopter parent I don't want to be.
Based on my recent reading of How to Raise an Adult, I decided to put it to N that I could either help her 1. not at all or 2. just a smidge (and by a smidge, I meant getting her envelopes for the teacher recommendation sheets).
I had no intention of filling anything out for her, but as a writer, it is hard for me to not to want to edit someone to within an inch of their lives. About a week or so ago, I had her write down her "accomplishments and activities" of the past three years so she wouldn't forget anything when she began completing the application. She used this yesterday to complete the information sheet.
She wrote, and I sat next to her reading a book, answering questions she had, like "Should I put field hockey in 6th-8th grades or put the years?"
As I sat there, I wondered if this was too much "assisting?"
If she writes her one-page essay and asks me for feedback do I give her real feedback to actually help her improve her essay or do I just say, "I'm sure it is fine," and have her send it off without looking at it?
To be honest, the latter option seems a bit irresponsible, especially since I'm a professional writer and know full well that nothing very good (including this blog) happens when someone hasn't had someone else proofread their stuff.
It is a slippery slope balancing act, this raising a child. Because they don't just require a parent to say something once, and then they'd got it.
You've got to say the same shit over and over and over and over.
This, to me, seems like it is the essential act of parenting---saying the same junk ad nauseam until the kid finally, at like age 25, has it inside his/her head.
Is that helicoptering?
Or is the problem really doing it FOR the child? Saving the child FROM every mistake he or she makes? Pulling the child out of school so she can avoid the class guitar recital she doesn't want to do because she hates the class?
(She asked, and I responded, "That is not gonna happen. You suck it up and get through it."
Maybe I'm not lying to myself because of the simple fact that I was aware enough of my speech to catch myself and to reflect on what I'm thinking and doing regarding this whole high school application.
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