Sunday, July 8, 2012

A sneaking suspicion I might be an idiot (The Story of the Ring)

I like to think I'm a pretty bright person, but lately I have been having "out of body" experiences during which I put myself in the shoes of someone who could be/might be watching me.  Unfortunately, it has dawned on me that I might come across as a complete moron.

There was that one afternoon when I decided to take apart and recycle the broken kid-size basketball goal, my $4 Goodwill bargain I purchased when N was a toddler.  The bottom stand was weighted down with wet sand so I poured out what I could and then proceeded to use a hack-saw to cut the remainder apart.  G and M were outside with me, having more fun playing in the wet sand than they had ever had playing with the basketball goal.  I was slaving away with the hack-saw and continuously searching for tools to help make this process slightly easier.  To no avail.

It occurred to me that my dear neighbors, H and T, might be watching and adding this as another "Carrie is a dumbass" example to their list.  Just a week or so prior, they'd watched me attempt to light old charcoal 4,000 times before asking me if I needed some lighter fluid.  (Having no lighter fluid of my own, by the 2,000th failed lighting attempt I had started to run through the possibly flammable liquids in the house I might safely use to set these b*tches on fire.)

My complete dumb-ass move of this past week occurred on Thursday when I met a friend at the park whom I hadn't seen in years.  I removed my rings to put sunscreen on the kids and put them in my pocket.  Perhaps in my delight at seeing and catching up with my friend, I completely forgot about the rings until we were on our way to get ice cream after spending a few hours watching the kids enjoy the playground and splash pool.

I had my engagement ring and wedding band in my pocket, but not my mothers ring (my beautiful ring that has all our birthstones in it which D bought for me after M was born).

Panic set in as we drove back to the park and began searching.

N and I searched the picnic area, the spray area, the bench where my friend and I had sat, and the monkey bar area where I had been lifting the boys to help them.  We searched the path we walked to get to the park from the parking lot.  We searched the parking lot.  My friend gave my number to a group of about 30 kids and their chaperones from the YMCA and asked them for their assistance in finding the ring.  No ring.  It was gone, and my stomach was in knots.

I called D.  I called my mom and dad.  I called insurance to file a claim.  I posted something on Facebook along the lines of "My day is f*cked.  My ring is lost."

Strangely enough, my neighbor (whose fish we've been feeding while he and his family have been on vacation) posted that I should borrow his metal detector to see if I could find the ring.  Prior to his post, when my dad suggested I use a metal detector, I thought, "Who in their right mind keeps a metal detector just laying around?"  But when my neighbor made his offer my thought was more along the lines of, "What a brilliant man to keep a metal detector just laying around!"  How circumstances can change a person's point of view....

The boys had refused to nap, so I hauled everyone into the car, picked up the metal detector and headed back to the park, pulling into the exact spot where we'd parked that morning.  N got out of the car.  I put M's shoes on and let him climb out of the car.  I put G's shoes on, and he climbed out of the car.  I followed behind, looked down at the pavement to step out and saw my mothers ring directly in front of me.

The metal detector remained sitting on the passenger side seat.
That thing worked so well I didn't even have to turn it on!

I hugged the kids!
I called D!
I felt my stomach immediately untwist itself!
I called insurance and canceled the claim!

I stopped mentally berating myself for being a complete idiot and started referring to myself as a thankful idiot.

And I swore that emissions and particulates in the lungs be damned, I'm using spray sunscreen from here on out.

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