Disciplining toddlers

Here are the things I know for sure about raising and disciplining children:

1. You pick your battles because unless you do everything can become a battle.

2. You tap into unknown reserves of patience you didn't know you had.

3. Your monthly budget for alcohol increases tremendously.

Every so often I peruse a parenting book, searching for something to help me manage the newest "challenge" my kids throw at me. And what I find is that even if something sounds good, sounds like it would really work, if it doesn't jive with my inherent nature, I'm just not gonna do it.

For example, I am not a rewards person. I do not have the patience for stamps, stickers, suckers, or promises of what-nots from the Dollar Store. There are lots of parents, and by this I mean moms, who use charts and rewards to discipline their children or potty-train them. And while I've tried to do this, I am never consistent about it, and therein is the problem.

So what I've determined for myself is that I am ok with the parenting philosophy of, "They will do it when they are darn good and ready."

For example, I began introducing the "potty" concept to N when she was 2 and started becoming interested in the potty. I bought her a potty and let her sit on it in front of the tv or on the deck when we were outside. I asked my pediatrician when I should potty-train, and she said, "Don't bother until 3," and so I didn't. N was fairly quickly pee-pee potty-trained, but it took her until she was 4 to poop on the potty. I tried promises, bribes, whatever. But I inherently do not like the idea of bribing kids to do something they will do on their own in good time irregardless. Although I sometimes wondered, I knew she would not graduate from high school in pull-ups.

I did, however, get very sick of her pooping in her underpants. So eventually she and I came to an agreement. When she had to poop, I would put her in a pull-up, which meant she could do her business, and I wouldn't have to scrape poop out of her underpants. A win-win. And eventually, she did poop in the potty and never looked back. But our little "poop in the pull-up" arrangement saved both of us alot of headache.

I know parents who potty-train by taking their children to sit on the potty every 10 minutes. I can only speak for myself but I've got better things to do than visit the potty every 10 minutes for god knows how many months. But that is me and my choice.

Another thing I am not good at is demanding that G say he's sorry if he hits another kid. I think it is kinda dumb when parents ask a toddler to do this because we all know that toddlers are about this close to cavemen. They might say it, but they certainly don't mean it or understand it. And so my philosophy is to tell G that "we don't hit because it hurts." I ask him to give the other child a hug or something along those lines. But any attempt I might make to rationally explain the Golden Rule to G is a waste of oxygen.

I also don't subscribe to the notion that toddlers should "learn" that some things are off-limits, like the DVD player. I certainly don't want G screwing with everything in my house, but I also don't care to spend every waking moment of my life watching him like a hawk and fussing when he messes with my DVD player (or priceless vase or whatever). So I have made my home completely child-proof. If I don't want him destroying it, I have gotten it the hell out of his way. I have accepted that my house doesn't belong to me for the foreseeable future. And that is ok because I don't want the hassle of trying to keep him away from various untouchables.

I pick my battles....for my own sanity.

And so that is my advice for any parent of a toddler. Determine for yourself what you can and totally cannot tolerate. And then parent accordingly using ideas from books or friends or whatever.

Oh, and increase that booze budget.

The big little man

I noticed while scrolling through my blog posts that I haven't written too much about G. It has only been a little over a month, and the middle child is already getting short shrift.

So here is what he has been up to----

Pics of G from Halloween night.

ABOVE: His 1st choice of costume--Mr. Monkey.

BELOW: Enjoying his spoils!

Being 2. A loud, mischievous, often frustrating 2-year-old. He weathered a cold and ear infection for 10 loooooong days, most of which was spent listening to him scream "Nose tuffy!"

This morning I put him in a pair of chino-type pants, which are gonna require a belt to fit properly. Do they even make belts for 2-year-olds? Anyway, when I changed his diaper after his morning poop, I decided to put on better fitting pants. When I returned from upstairs with the new pair, I found G's diaper on the floor and got to witness him running around the kitchen yanking on his penis and giggling.

He is so super sweet to M. He is always leaning his head on his brother, giving him "lovings." I really hope they become good little buddies to each other as they get bigger.

His new favorite DVD is Baby Einstein Neighborhood Animals. I thought I was sick of the movie Cars, but now I'm begging to watch Lightning McQueen. No more flipping baby animals, please. I borrowed a bunch of Baby Einstein DVDs from my brother to help liven things up....for me.

When we first started watching Neighborhood Animals, G kept saying, "Watch Baby Assho," which we assume was his initial attempts at saying Baby Einstein or Baby Animals. Or his disguised hateful musings on his little brother? Anyway, it was funny as heck. I was bummed when he started saying "Baby Animals" correctly.

He is going through a refusing to eat anything of any nutritional value stage, which I am totally loving. NOT! He is on the all-carb diet. I know other children do this and manage to survive to puberty so I am trying not to worry too much. I did purchase some Horizon Little Blends yogurt which blends fruit & VEGGIE puree into the yogurt. Both G and N lapped up 2 containers each yesterday. It is expensive but totally worth it if it means they get some sliver of fruit/vegetable and vitamins.

One thing is certain: G is his own little man. I got too used to having N as an obedient, easy-to-please toddler. Raising G often makes me want to bang my head against the wall. Or his.

Fat boy slim

M is getting chubbier every day, and I love it. He is just feeling increasingly solid.

I am starting to like the little bugger, which is nice, because for weeks now I have merely been doing what Mother Nature intended----meeting his basic needs. There hasn't been much cuddling, cooing or canoodling (on my end). Tiredness and sore boobies do that to a person.

But seeing him get chunky as a result of those sore boobies makes me feel like it isn't all for naught.

And he has cooed a couple of times and is starting to do those fake little smiles which are totally preemptive spit-ups, but they are cute anyway. And make me feel like he appreciates his momma a little bit. A very little bit, but I'll take the scraps he throws me.

I have begun thinking a wee bit about how I will decorate the boys' room sometime in 2010, although not in specifics. I won't start thinking specifics until after M turns 6 months old, and I feel more comfortable that we've gotten through the SIDS window. I'm just edgy until my babies can roll over in their cribs. Not that we are anywhere near crib time.

We've got a long way to go, baby.

Odds and ends from the past 24 hours

In no particular order......

1. This morning, I put on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans, and they fit. A little snug, admittedly, but comfortable. Hey, looks like I won't have to wash my yoga pants over and over and over and over....

2. Last night M apparently had a cluster feed. I dislike cluster feeds tremendously. Am I the only one who got the memo that my boobies, although feeling better due to the football hold, are still tender? What kind of god gives a person nipple eczema, by the way? The left nipple has almost healed up completely. It is the dud boob, rightie, that still looks gnawed on.

3. I ordered a pair of nice slip-on shoes from L.L.Bean yesterday afternoon. They are skimmers and cost $64, which is outrageous, but with 3 kids, I need really comfortable shoes that are really fast to get on and off. Because G could take out M in less than 2 seconds, I'm certain. I can't be messing with shoelaces or a strap.

However, I did give myself quite a frugal tongue-lashing prior to purchasing. D had just bought himself a new Xbox game, so I had to check and see how much he had spent. I quickly realized he had purchased a new game AND Xbox Gold minutes (or some such thing) and had spent over $100. So my $64 for new shoes...to protect my feet and keep them warm....something practical that I will wear for years....didn't seem like such an extravagance. Well, yes, it is still an extravagance, but if hubby can buy his "toys," then by god, I can by a pair of shoes.

4. This morning, while doing my hair, I watched G do "This Little Piggy" with M's toes in the bathroom. Very, very cute. He loves his brother, almost to death, which is the concern. He doesn't know his own strength, but I am glad he is "killing" M with kindness.

5. Today's "plan" is to go to the zoo....all of us. Assuming I can get the troops ready and out the door prior to noon. We shall see.

She can't match worth a darn, but I love her

Two of N's outfits from this week.

Foxy!!!!

Fierce mothering and mean girls

I know girls are mean. I've watched enough Dr. Phil, attended professional development when I was a teacher, and, hello, lived a girl's life.

By the time I reached high school, I had figured out what real female friendship meant. This is not to say I was the world's best friend, but I think I was a decent friend, and I had a circle of friends who were loyal and good to me. I tried to be nice to everyone, for the most part.

As a momma, I am just discovering the challenges of helping a young girl navigate the wilds of girl friendship.

N has a little friend at school---I will call her "Bolt." I have seen "Bolt" a couple times. She seems quiet, but beyond that I can make no judgment about her. N talks about her frequently.

It was my understanding that when it is library day, N and "Bolt" take turns selecting a book. One week N picks, and they both check out that book. The next week "Bolt" picks, and then they both check out that particular book. Seems like a good system. So since yesterday was library day, I asked N if she picked the book this time.

It was at this point N starts talking about how "Bolt" won't let N pick and says that "Bolt" is the boss of her. WHAT THE FUCK???? The momma bear in me unfurled her claws.

Now making sense of a 5-year-old's description of anything is dicey, at best, so I'm not sure exactly what the "deal" is, but my skin prickled when she said "Bolt" is the boss of her. I calmly tried to tell her that good friends give their friends choices and let them be themselves, at which point she then tried to convince me that "Bolt" is a good friend.

Later, when D got home, I asked N to explain to him about the library book. He repeated the same thing I did, about good friends don't boss their friends around. We then explained that while we know "Bolt" is important to her, N is the most important thing to us, and we want her to be able to pick books she likes from the library.

I am hoping and praying that N, eventually, has the good sense to do what she knows is right for her and not let other kids boss her around.

But this episode has Momma Bear spazzing out on all levels. Worrying about her self-esteem. Worrying whether she'll allow other girls to dictate her likes and dislikes. And I'm worrying far beyond the realm of kindergarten.

My deep hope is that just as N does her own thing in terms of the crazy outfits she chooses to wear, she will do her own thing in her life. Make her own choices. Do what is right for her. Select whatever library book she wants to read.

My thoughts on celebrities

My general feeling towards celebrities is disgust, especially those celebrities who used to be normal people prior to becoming a reality star. Because reality stars do not have talent of any kind. They cannot act, sing, dance, nor are they outstanding looking.

I would go so far as to doubt to quality of talent of those who win shows like "American Idol." In comparison to artists like Joe Henry, who have quietly plugged their craft for years and years without the mainstream hoopla, they simply suck ass.

(Well, I guess I have to lump Tom Cruise in this "no talent" category as well even though some people would argue that he can, in fact, act and he is, in fact, good-looking. In my opinion, Tom Cruise can only and has only ever played 1 character his entire career. He embarrassed himself beyond belief with the whole jumping on the couch professing his love for Katie episode. He also knows jack fuck about antidepressants and reasons why people need such medications).

I have slightly better feelings towards those I consider actors, singers, dancers, artists of high caliber, such as Johnny Depp, Tom Hanks, Samuel L. Jackson, Catherine Zeta Jones, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep. These people do the "craft" because they love it. But they make an effort to keep their private lives private. However, my issue with these folks is how much stinking money they make. While they provide a worthy gift to society, I personally think teachers, firefighters, police and nurses should be paid at least as much as those who offer us bread and circuses.

I have never watched a reality show. Never. I just can't tolerate the misbehaving antics of the people. It makes me cringe. And watching Tom DeLay dance simply wasn't on my bucket list.

However, I do LOVE reading People online or in print. Cannot get enough. So even though I abhor celebrities and refuse to watch them, I enjoy reading about them. So I guess I am sycophantic in my own way.

One of my favorite celebrities whom I love to hate is Tori Spelling. She is so talentless, and I just can't get over how she and Dean McDermott dumped their spouses for each other. Every time I read about her and Dean being "soulmates" I throw up a little bit in my mouth. When they divorce at some point, I will think back with great amusement to how their souls were, at one point, mated. And while I think cosmetic surgery has made her better looking than she was, the honest truth is that she still resembles a fish.

I like to think that if I ever actually saw a celebrity I would completely snub him or her and not start foaming at the mouth the way most people do. But then I must remember that in 1993 I and some of my fellow college comrades went ape-shit when we saw Bono and the Edge sitting nearby at a concert in Ireland. Can I blame this on being 19 and drunk?