I've been paid

Today I have been paid the full amount I was owed--April, May, June, and even July.

It took more emails and texts than was necessary, and I even contacted an attorney to find out what my legal options were. But before I made that move, I decided I had nothing to lose and emailed the head honcho of the company directly. It led to a not totally comfortable Zoom meeting with the head honcho and the office manager (who I had emailed a ton and who had been unable to get anything done until this point).

I'm not sure what the problem was or why it took so long to get resolved, but it stressed me the heck out and made me feel devalued. 

I don't wish them ill, but I don't want to be part of their chaos. 

And so now, I'm reshuffling and reevaluating and maybe this is good even though nobody likes to feel like the carpet has been pulled out from under them. I just figured out that this part-time work I did made up about 24% of my total income so it's not nothing. 

Maybe this empty spot will fill with something I hadn't planned but that ends up being something great. 

I don't believe that humans are puppets on a god string or that god moves things in certain ways. But I do think that humans are very good at making meaning. 

And so I will make meaning from this.

10-year-olds, abortion, child abuse, and CPS in my yard

I admittedly live a privileged life. My parents did not abuse me or neglect me in any way. I was sheltered, and I shelter my children from harmful things as much as I can within my own home. 

We don't have the news on nonstop. We don't yell at our children. We have never spanked our children. We don't do drugs or abuse alcohol and there is no domestic violence in our home. My husband and I have gotten therapy on our own and together as a couple to ensure we provided our children with love and stability. 

Within that secure foundation, though, I have thought it wise to let them experience the world. They go to public school and meet all kinds of kids. They can read whatever they want. They have phones and Internet access, and I encourage them to talk to me about what they see or hear and educate them to verify everything. They do not get in trouble or lectured for asking questions or being naturally curious. 

But their home is secure. 

This week, I got to see up close and personal what it is like for kids whose lives are very, very different from my children's. 

Without going into detail that would violate privacy, I can say that child protective services was in my yard this week. I can say that I was a witness to the sadness of a mother who chooses a man over a child (which is probably because she is abused too), a woman who loves her child as best she can but has problems of her own and is not meeting her child's needs. 

Most importantly, I saw a child who is in need of a lot of counseling because the adults who are supposed to protect her and love her are not doing it in the way it needs to be done.

With this on my mind, it makes me furious to read about the rigamarole over the 10-year-old in Ohio who got a medication abortion for 6 weeks of pregnancy that resulted from rape by an adult. Having looked at the face of a neglected and emotionally abused child this week IN MY FUCKING FRONT YARD, I take the side of that 10-year-old over a 6-week fetus that is the size of a Chiclet piece of gum.

How do I know a 6-week fetus is the size of a Chiclet? I looked it up. 

And it INFURIATES me that people are choosing something that doesn't speak and has no consciousness and cannot eat or breathe on its own OVER the life of a 10-year-old child who can walk, talk, eat, shit, and feel. 

How can we do this to living, breathing, outside-the-womb children?

My vague-posting (and employment)

A week or so ago, I posted something on social media about how being honest often means a person is subject to criticism or worse, such as lost employment. 

I suspect some people who know I can cuss like a sailor if necessary and have an opinion about most things that I am willing to share might suspect that I maybe did something on the order of this and got fired.

I mean, I did make international news several years ago over dress code bullshit, so anything is possible when it comes to my mouth. 

I have not gotten fired.

All I did was send an email before I chickened out that basically said the following:

"I am a dependable, high-quality producer, and if you value this dependable, high-quality producer you need to pay me in a more timely manner."

I don't think it is being unreasonable to expect that by July 4, I should have been paid the $725 that is owed me for APRIL. (And the remaining $2,200 owed me should come sooner rather than later.)

More or less, I don't trust this employer anymore. I don't think this employer values my work and my dependability. And if I don't trust you, there is no point continuing a relationship whether it is personal or professional. 

While I was honest (and civil) in my email, I guess the bigger point is that I stood up for myself. 

And I'm glad.

But I'm also flailing a bit, and I'm not sure why.

Because they didn't fire me. I'm just about 99.9% sure I'm firing them. I have a swimming pool full of tolerance for young people and kids, but I do not babysit adults. 

But this marks a change, and I'm going to have to adapt, and that is always uncomfortable and scary. I got comfortable and, admittedly, lazy. 

Now I'm having to think about whether I'll actively seek something new or do what I've done in every professional experience for the past 13 years....hang out and let things kind of organically happen and go where they will.